


My Mentor (Part 1)

by writersunblock



Series: My Mentor (Parts 1 and 2)/Within The Lyrics [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:03:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 68,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersunblock/pseuds/writersunblock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Mentor (Part 1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Mentor (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a story from my Wattpad account. I had to break it up into two parts for this website. I'll also be posting the sequel to this story, Within The Lyrics. I was going to get rid of my Wattpad account because I am so rarely on that site anymore but it was suggested that I move my stories over to AO3.
> 
> I was about to edit this story...but I couldn't be bothered, really. haha. So I apologize if some of the scenes are ridiculous. This was written 2 years ago and there are likely a lot of parts to this story that I'd rewrite, but again...couldn't be bothered. This was also a chaptered fic...so some of the breaks might be weird...I basically copied and pasted.
> 
> To the people who saw a lengthy Narry story just added to this site and got excited only to find out that you've previously read this story...I apologize. But hey, read it again if you want and make fun of the horrid smut!
> 
> And if you've never read this story, enjoy....or don't. ;)

I flutter my eyes open as my alarm is annoyingly going off. It is earlier than my usual time of getting up. Today is a big day. After months and months of second guessing myself, I finally had the courage to sign up for the X-Factor. I could have tried out last year, but I was too afraid. This year I did it, with of course some pushing from my mum.

Ugh, five am. But we need to get to Croke Park by at least seven to get as close to the start of the line as possible. I am sure we will still have to wait in line for a good few hours, probably long enough for my nerves to get the better of me and I’ll chicken out. Good thing I will have my parents and brother with me to hold me in place and keep me sane.

I am singing my audition song in the shower, practicing and practicing. The song I chose is one of my favorites. I selected it a few months ago and have been singing it incessantly ever since. It is originally sung by the musician that I look up to the most, Harry Styles. He is amazing. His voice has a slight raspy and rough tone to it and I love it. I may also have a bit of a crush on the 24 year old singing God. 

As soon as I first heard his debut single and saw his video, when I was 13, something in me clicked and I knew in that moment that I would not look at a girl the way I was looking at Harry. I came out to my family when I was fifteen and to my friends when I was sixteen. Luckily, everyone has been very supportive.

“Come on, son. We have to get going” My dad yells up the stairs. I give myself a once over in the mirror and grab my snapback before running out the door.

“Shouldn’t you dress nicer, sweetheart? How about some nice khakis and a button down.” Mum harps when she takes in my appearance.

“That’s not me, mum. I feel comfortable in this.” I say looking down at my outfit; fitted jeans, a plain blue tee shirt and my white converse. I give my mum a smile and put my blue snapback, backwards on my head and follow my dad out the door. She shakes her head and closes the door behind us.

We arrived just before seven and took our place in the already long line and we waited. And waited. And waited. To curb my boredom, I brought along my guitar. I have been playing since I was 10 and probably love it more than I do singing. I began strumming the strings and playing some random melody. That melody turned into ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz. I decided to sing the words. People around me started to join in. It was actually a lot of fun. By the time I got to the front of the line, others around me and I have probably sung about five different songs.

I walk into the main area and up to a table where I am to grab my number. 

“Your name?” the girl behind the desk asks.

“Niall Horan” I reply. She scans her paper and locates me.

“Here is your number. Please display it visibly on your clothing, somewhere.” She handed me the rectangular x-factor sticker with number 232677 printed on the front. I walked over into the large waiting area, pulled the back off the sticker and placed my number on the front my shirt.

I am sitting next to my mum, dad and brother, Greg. Mum has her hand on my back gently rubbing up and down; trying to calm my visible nerves.

“You have nothing to worry about, dear. You will do great.” She whispers.

“Thanks, mum.” 

After about an hour, I am approached by a camera crew. A representative of x-factor informed me that she was going around and interviewing random contestants and asked if I would like to do an interview. I said sure. We walked over into a separate area of the waiting section and the interview began.

“What’s your name, age and where are you from?” She asked and I tried my best to not pay attention to the camera and lights pointing at me.

“I’m Niall Horan. I’m seventeen and I am from a small town called Mullingar.” I replied.

“Why have you chosen to audition for the x-factor?”

“Well I have always loved to sing and I hope to make it in the music industry one day and I know this would be a great platform.”

“Do you have any hobbies?” She asked.

“I play the guitar, a lot and I like to play football.”

“Who are your musical influences?” Hmmmm…I thought about it for a minute. I don’t want to blurt out Harry’s name right away, so I think of a few others first.

“I like a lot of different music and musicians, but I have to say I really enjoy Michael Bublé. I’m a fan of various boy bands. I also like Justin Beiber and Harry Styles is really great too.”

“You know Harry is a judge this season.” She stated. “Are you nervous to be singing in front of him?”

“Yes, I know and yeah, I guess I am a little bit nervous. He is a really talented person and has had a lot of success. I can only hope that I have that type of success one day as well.”

“So, last question.” She begins. “You are a very good looking young lad.” She says and I begin to blush. She smiles. “I’m sure the ladies will want to know if you are single.” What do I do? Should I just come right out and say that I am gay? I mean I’m not in the closet anymore, why lie. But would it hurt my chances? Oh Jesus the dilemma. What the hell?

“Yes I am single” She smiles but I continue “But I am gay, so I am afraid the ladies don’t really have much of a chance.” I say with a slight smirk. She smiles in response. I feel relieved. 

“Well good luck to you, Niall. It was a pleasure talking to you.”

“Thank you so much.” I stand from the chair and give her a kiss on each cheek and make my way back to my parents.

Another hour later my number is called to move to the back stage area. There will be about five more acts before my turn comes around. My family and I follow the assistant and we stand next to a few other contestants and their families.

One down, four more to go. The next contestant comes off the stage crying. She obviously didn’t make it. Three more to go. Smiles from the next two contestants. One more to go. 

“Number 232677, Niall Horan. Please stand here. You are up next.”

I move to where I am told and wait. A few minutes later a guy comes down off the stage looking defeated. I sadly smile at him. He obviously didn’t make it. The guy tells me I’m up and good luck. I thank him and walk up the stairs and on to the stage.

Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip. I repeat to myself as I make my way across the stage. I look out to the cheering audience. I smile at the reaction I am getting from the screaming girls, obviously from the way I look because they haven’t even heard me sing yet. I wave at some girls in the front and send them a quick wink. I smile wider when a few girls scream louder. I have to admit that it is a pretty big confidence boost. I’m not a shy person by any means, but I am usually not so flirty.

I get to the spot in the middle of the stage. I have the microphone in one hand and I remove my snapback with my other hand, ruffle my hair; while still holding my hat, and then place it back on my head. That seemed to earn some additional cheers. I wasn’t meaning to do that. It is just a nervous habit.

“Well you certainly have the girls’ attention don’t ya, cutie.” Cheryl Cole said and I looked at the ground and blushed a tiny bit. This earned some ‘awwes’ from the girls.

“And you are?” Simon Cowell says with his stoic face. He scares me a bit if I am being honest.

“I’m Niall Horan.” I reply. I have been trying to avoid looking at Harry this whole time, knowing that I will just end up staring. He is so handsome.

“And how old are you?” Louis Walsh asks.

“Seventeen.” I don’t know why the girls screamed for that. It’s just my age. I return the smile and finally glance at Harry. He returns my smile and begins to speak.

“So why have you come to audition?” Harry asks, still smiling at me. His dimples in his cheeks are very pronounced.

“I have always loved to sing and play guitar and it would be a dream to be able to do it professionally.” I reply. He nods.

“So what will you be singing?” Cheryl asks. I take a deep breath knowing that they will likely comment on my song choice.

“I….um….will be singing More Than This.” I glance at Harry and he has a smile on his face. The crowd cheers.

“You sure you wanna sing one of Harry’s songs?” Simon asks with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah…um I mean...yes” I stutter out.

“Well good luck.” Harry replies and winks. Holy shit. Harry Styles just winked at me. Breathe, Niall. You have to sing and it has to be perfect. I hear the music begin. I decided last week that I would sing the second verse and the chorus. I wait for the cue in the music and begin.

‘If I’m louder, would you see me? Would you lay down, in my arms and rescue me? Cause we are the same. Cause you save me, and when you leave it’s gone again. And then I see you on the street, in his arms, I get weak. My body fails, I’m on my knees, prayin’. When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just won’t feel right. Cause I can love you more than this. Yeah. When he lays you down I just might die inside, it just don’t feel right. Cause I can love you more than this, I can love you more than this.’ 

I finish with the last note and close my eyes. I raise my head and slowly open my eyes to see the crowd on their feet, clapping and screaming. I sighed in relief and smile. I hold the microphone down by my side and wait for the judges to comment. 

I bite the corner of my bottom lip while waiting. Another nervous habit of mine. I look at Harry and his eyes are staring at me very intensely and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I release my lip from my teeth’s grasp and lick my lips. They were getting dry from my singing, like they usually do. I see Harry look away and shift in his seat. I can’t help but think that he hated me.

Cheryl speaks first.

“You did really well. You have a beautiful voice.” Cheers came from the audience. I smiled and thanked her.

“I think you took a risk singing that song and I think you should have chosen something else, but you did well and I like you.” Simon said and inhaled deeply feeling better because he was the one I worried about saying horrible things. I thanked him.

“What did you think Harry?” Louis asks. Harry looks at me for a moment. I am staring right into his amazing green eyes, waiting.

“You killed it.” He says with a smile and I am so happy. I again, pull off my hat, ruffle the hair and put my hat back on.

“Let’s vote, shall we?” Simon says.

“It’s a yes from me” Louis stated. I smiled.

“I say yes” Cheryl smiled. My smile grew wider.

“Yes” Simon said. I then looked at Harry.

He smiled at me. “Absolutely yes, Niall” I bent my back forward and placed my hands on my knees, trying to contain my excitement. I really wanted to jump off the stage and hug every single one of them, especially Harry. But I held back. I took a breath, stood up straight, smiled my braced smile and thanked them a few times.

“That’s four yeses, Niall. You are through.” Simon finished. I thanked then again and waved to the cheering audience as I made my way off the stage. My eyes locked onto Harry once more. His eyes met mine, he sent a coy smile and a wave my way.

I ran down the stairs and over to my family. They were watching on the monitors back stage, so they saw what happened. I run into my mum’s open arms.

“You did it, baby!” She exclaimed. I then hugged my dad. “I’m proud of you, son.”

“Thanks, dad.”

Greg ruffled my hair. “Pretty impressive, Niall.” He says and hugs me. He then leans close to my ear and whispers so our parents can’t hear, “I think that Styles guy was into you.”

“Yeah right!” I say and push him away and laugh. What a crazy thought. 

With my guitar slung over my shoulder and a bright smile on my face, my family and I begin to exit the building.

I hear a commotion off to the left and I see people behind barricades begin waving and screaming. I then notice that the judges are walking out of a room and fans are trying to get their attention. I turn back around only to bump into my brother who has stopped right in front of me to retie his shoe laces. While waiting, I decide to look over at the judges once more, actually hoping to smile at Harry again. Sadly he doesn’t notice, too busy signing autographs and taking pictures. Greg completes his shoe tying task and we continue on our way.

“Niall!” I think I hear my name being shouted. I look around quickly around and don’t see anyone. I guess I must have been hearing things.

“Niall!” My name is yelled louder. My family heard it this time and turned to look at me. My mum pointed in a direction and smiled. I looked to where she was pointing and saw Harry walking over to us. Was he the one trying to get my attention? I think I might just die.

He reaches us and smiles. “Hi. I’m Harry Styles.” He says and holds his hand out to shake my parents’ and my brother’s hand. 

“Hello, dear” my mum sweetly replied. “I’m Maura. This is my husband, Bobby and our son Greg. Niall, I am sure you know.” 

“Yes, ma’am. You have a very talented son. You must be proud.” I smile at the compliment, and my parents do as well.

“Yes. We have always known he could sing. We are very proud.” My father replies.

“I just wanted to tell you that you did a really great job singing my song, Niall. I was really impressed.” 

“Thank you. It’s a great song.” I replied. “Would…..um…you maybe sign my guitar?” I asked. He smiled. “Of course” I held it up and he signed near the right bottom. I didn’t want to read what he wrote in front of him so I set the base of my guitar down and held it up by the neck.

“How about a picture?” My mum asks while holding up her camera. “Mum” I groan, somewhat embarrassed.

“I would love to.” Harry replied and stood right next to me. I kept my right hand on my guitar and I put my left hand in my front pocket with my thumb left out. I felt Harry wrap his right arm around me and his hand gripped my waist. I took a deep breath. I could feel his face close to mine and his thumb was slightly rubbing up and down over my side where his hand gripped.

“Smile” mum said. Harry and I did as she asked and the flash went off. He removed his arm a second later.

“It was a pleasure meeting you all.” Harry said. “I’ll see you at bootcamp in July, Niall.” He smiled.

“Bye” he waved and walked back over to where the other judges were.

My mum wrapped her arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “I think he likes you, sweetheart.” She said.

“Yea, ok mum.” I replied and we said nothing more on the matter. We piled into the car and made our way home.

I got into my room that evening and pulled my guitar out of its case. Finally ready to read what Harry wrote. I smiled instantly when I read the words.

Niall,

You Are Amazing! Looking Forward 

To Hearing Your Voice Again!

Harry xx

 

I lay in bed thinking of everything that happened today. I actually made it through; with four yeses no less and Harry Styles liked my singing. I couldn’t be happier. Now I have two months to prepare before I have to go to London for boot camp.

 

It has been two weeks since my audition and I am still reeling from the excitement. I leave for boot camp on the 9th of July. I am very nervous about it and I really hope that I make it to judges’ houses. That would be the next step before making it to the live shows. That is the goal after all and I will try my absolute best to make it happen.

I am walking back to my house after an afternoon spent with my friends at the park playing footie. Of course they are all excited that I made it through my auditions and were joking that I would forget them when I am big and famous. They are completely wrong of course. How could anyone forget where they came from and the people who mean the most?

I have my ipod playing and my earbuds in my ear, singing along with whatever song is playing while I walk and dribble the football. I am looking down, about to do a kick up with the ball and I obviously wasn’t watching where I was going.

“Damn” I hear directly after my body collides with another. I yank my earbuds out and look at the guy on the ground.

“I am so sorry.” I say and hold out my hand to help him up. He looks up at me and accepts my waiting hand. He stands and brushes the dirt off of his clothing and looks me in the eyes and smiles. He is really cute. I return the smile.

“It’s no big deal. I’m fine.” He says. “I’m James, by the way. But people call me Jamie”

“Oh. James is my middle name. My first name’s Niall” I reply and shake his hand. God I must have sounded like an idiot….’james is my middle name, my first name’s niall’ I mock myself in my head.

“Nice to meet you Niall James.” He says with a smile.

Jamie and I end up talking on the sidewalk for about an hour. I may have developed a little crush on the cute guy that I made fall to the ground. I found out that he is visiting his family in Mullingar but will be returning home to London in three weeks.

I told him that I will be in London for a few days at the beginning of July. I told him about X-Factor and he seemed genuinely happy for me. We made tentative plans to meet up when I am there. Since he was going to be in town for the next three weeks, we exchanged numbers and planned on hanging out some. He hugged me goodbye; a hug which lingered a little longer than a normal friendly hug would. Was he crushing on me like I was him? I guess time would tell. We said goodbye and I made my way back home for dinner.

“Did you get the package that I set on your bed, dear?” mum asked as we were sitting eating dinner.

“No. I didn’t see it. Who is it from?”

“I think it came from X-Factor.”

“Oh, really! It must be the information packet regarding boot camp. They said they would be sending information regarding the hotel I will be staying in and the times I have to report to Wembley for the different stages.”

“We have to take a look at it later tonight.” My dad said. I am sure he will want all of the information as well. My parents can be a bit over protective sometimes. I mean I guess they have a reason to be somewhat nervous about me, their 17 year old son, going to a big city like London all by myself. 

“Yea, ok” I reply and continue eating my meal.

Later that evening after having looked over the entire information packet regarding boot camp with my parents I went back into my room. I wanted to practice for boot camp but there wasn’t really a way I could. We would be singing a song from a list that the show producers would provide once we got there. We would have a day to rehearse it. They did this do they could compare the different acts side by side. There would be a boys, girls, over 25’s and a groups category. I of course would be in the boys category. 

I picked up my guitar and began to play. My phone buzzed.

To: Niall

Hi. It’s Jamie. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out with me tomorrow night. Maybe get something to eat and see a movie.

Was he asking me out on a date? That sounds like a date. I kind of got the vibe earlier that he might be into me, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. How should I respond? If it is a date I would want to dress appropriately but if it is just a casual friendly thing, then I would dress in whatever.

To: Jamie

Hey! Yea, that sounds fun. What time? And don’t take this the wrong way…but would it be a date? 

To: Niall

Great. How about I pick you up at 6pm. And I was kinda maybe hoping it could be a date. Oh God unless you aren’t gay…in which case we could hang out a friends. You seem like a cool guy and I’d like to get to know you, but I am gay and I hope that wouldn’t weird you out. 

I had to laugh that he could ramble even through text. But good, he is gay! 

To: Jamie

6 is great. And don’t worry, I’m gay too. But even if I wasn’t, I’d still wanna hang out with you! My address is 143 Grange Meadows. I’m looking forward to our date! See you tomorrow : )

To: Niall

Ok good. That could have gotten awkward!! I’m looking forward to it too! See you then!

So, I have a date. This is actually my first date since I came out. How pathetic is that? Two and a half years and I haven’t had a single date. I’m sure there are other gay guys in Mullingar but they obviously aren’t out yet, so my first date is with a guy who isn’t even from Ireland. Funny how things work out but I am happy none the less!

I plug my phone into its charger and put my guitar up on its stand. I strip to my boxers and find comfort curling up in my bed with the covers tucked tightly around me, up to my ears. I flutter my eyes closed and find peaceful sleep, while thinking of my date tomorrow.

I spent the next morning in my room, guitar in hand and melodic notes coming from my lips. I was doing two things; trying to make my voice stronger for boot camp and keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t freak out about my date in a few hours. 

I told my parents about my date this afternoon at lunch time. They are what you would call old fashioned. They tell me that just because is 2013 and I am gay doesn’t mean that a suitor of mine can’t come to the door and introduce himself to the parents. A respectable boy would do that, they say. You can obviously tell they are old fashioned because they call my date ‘a suitor’. 

“What’s his name, how old is he, where does he live?” Mum asks like rapid fire. I sigh knowing that this will go a lot smoother if I answer all of their questions without giving them attitude.

“His name is James. He is 23 and he is from London but is here in town visiting family for a few weeks”

“23 is a little old, don’t you think?” My father says and furrows his brows.

“He just turned 23 like a month ago and I’ll be 18 in September. It’s not like there are guys my age coming out of the closet ready to date me. I happen to like that he is a few years older. It just means that he is more mature and responsible.” I say that last part trying to appease them. 

“Well what does he do? What do his parents do?” My father asks and the questioning to see if Jamie is a suitable boy continues.

“I just met him yesterday and we didn’t talk about parents, so I wouldn’t really know. But he just graduated from Uni with a degree in Business Management. ” I replied.

“Ok. Well we still need to meet this boy….”

“James” I say to stop them from calling him ‘this boy’.

“Well we still need to meet James before you go out with him. When will he be arriving?” Mum finishes

“He will be here at six. We are going to dinner and a movie. Is that all? I would like to go back to my room.”

“Yes that is all. You may be excused.” Dad stated and I immediately rose from my chair and went back into the comforts of my room.

A few hours have passed and I began to get ready for my date. I wanted to look nice but casual at the same time if that is even possible. I took a few extra minutes on my hair opting to style it up into one of those quiff things I see in magazines. It came out pretty good. I was pleased with my appearance and looked at the clock. 5:50. It was only a couple minutes later that I heard the doorbell. I began my decent down the stairs.

“Hello, sir. I am James. I am here to pick up Niall” I hear Jamie say to my father when he opened the door. He is pretty good. He must know how to deal with parents. I smile and reach my father and look over his shoulder.

I slightly place my hand on my father’s shoulder and gently move him aside.

“Hi, Jamie”

“Hello, Niall. You look very nice.” He compliments. My father still watching.

“Thank you. So do you. Would you like to come in?” I offer. He smiles and nods and takes a step into the house. We walk into the living room and my father joins my mother who is standing next to the sofa.

“Mum, Dad. This is James. James, these are my parents, Bobby and Maura Horan.” James holds out his hand to shake both of my parents’ hands.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Horan. You have a lovely home.”

“Thank you dear. It’s lovely to meet you as well.” Mum replies. Her and my father have smiles on their faces but I can tell they are still unsure of him. However, he is being very polite. Maybe too polite, like it’s a bit of an act, but maybe he just wants to make a good impression.

“Well, we should be going now.” I say and take Jamie’s hand. He smiles and I lead him to the front door. My parents follow.

“Have fun and be safe and don’t be out too late, Niall” My father says as he is holding the door open for us.

“Thank you Mr. Horan. I’ll be sure to have him home by midnight.” Jamie replies and I kind of roll my eyes at my parents, but not that they can see. I love them dearly and they are amazing parents, they just annoy me sometimes.

With my parents still watching from the door, Jamie opens the passenger side door for me and closes it when I am in. He waves to my parents and gets into the car, he buckles himself in and we begin to drive away.

“So…..how’d I do?” He looks at me. I raise my eyebrows, wondering what he means.

“With you parents? It wasn’t too much was it? I could tell as soon as your father opened the door and looked at me that he was the kind of parent that would need to approve of a date. So how did I do?”

I begin to laugh. He is cute. “You did really well. Very polite. I think they liked you.” I smiled.

“Good” he said and then took my hand in his and continued towards the center of town. 

 

Over the past two weeks, Jamie and I have been basically inseparable. Whenever we are not with our families, we are with each other. I really like him. He has been so sweet and amazing. My parents say that he is very polite, but I can see that they have some reservations. My mum commented that he seems a bit too attached to me. I just brushed it off. Yes, we spend a lot of time together but we are just getting to know one another. I will honestly be sad when he leaves in five days to go back to London.

I haven’t seen my friends much over the past two weeks and that I am feeling bad about. They text or call me constantly to hang out but all of my free time is spent with Jamie. I do however want to introduce him to my friends, so today he and I will be meeting them at the park.

“Niall, a letter came for you and lunch is almost ready” my mum calls to me. Hmm, I wonder who it could from. Probably something to do with X-Factor. I do leave for London in just over a month. 

I make my way to the kitchen where my mum is preparing lunch. She hands the letter over to me and I look at it. It doesn’t have a return address, so I am not sure who it is from. I set the letter aside and joined mum at the table, just her and I. It is a Tuesday afternoon so my father and Greg are at work.

“What are your plans for today, honey?”

“Jamie will be here in about an hour. We are going to meet up with the guys at the park. I haven’t seen them much and I want to introduce them to him.” I reply and take another bite of my sandwich.

“Well good that you are finally seeing your friends. I think you have been spending too much time with that boy.”

“His name is Jamie, mum. And I really like him and he will be leaving on Saturday to go back to London so I would like to spend as much time as I can with him before he leaves.”

“I know darling, it’s just, I get a weird vibe from him.”

“Mum.” I say with a slight chuckle. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you very much. Thank you for looking out for me, but Jamie is a perfectly nice and caring person.”

“I love you too, baby.” She replies and we continue eating our food.

I enter my room about a half hour later, letter in hand. I sit on my bed and open it.

Niall,

Hi. I know that I am technically not supposed to be doing this, so don’t tell anyone!! I got your address from the X-Factor registration. I could have got your number too, but that would be a little creepy I think. Anyway, I just wanted to write to you to let you know that I think you have a really good shot and if it were solely up to me, you would go straight through to the live shows. There are a lot of talented singers this year, but you’re still my favorite. I’ll be pulling for you!! I put my number below in case you want to maybe text me sometime. I know how nerve racking this can all be, so I am here for you if you need, but again, I’m really not suppose to be doing this so it can be our little secret. I am obviously not going to be giving you any hints or insights, so I don’t see what the big deal would be, but I guess the producers don’t want any interaction between the judges and the contestants before the show. Anyway, I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks and bring your –A- game!

Harry xx

 

I just stare at the letter. Wow. Harry Styles wrote to me. He said I am his favorite. I am at a loss for words. My idol, the guy that made me have my first gay feelings when I was 13 just wrote to me. I read the letter about five times over trying to wrap my head around the fact that out of thousands and thousands of people that he watched audition, he actually remembers me. I see his number written on the bottom of the page and I save it to my phone. I didn’t spell out his full name in my contacts, just in case. So he is saved as ‘Hxx’. Partly because he signs xx after his name and another part because I wouldn’t mind to ‘xx’ him! I hear a knock on the front door. Jamie is here. I put the letter in its envelope and put it in my desk drawer. Maybe I’ll text Harry later tonight and thank him.

Jamie kissed me as soon as we got into his car. He never shows affection in front of my parents, but as soon as we are alone, it’s like he can’t keep his hands to himself. I like the feeling of having someone that physically attracted to me. Our first kiss was actually on our second date. It was my first kiss with a guy and I really liked it. After a few more dates and more kissing that would turn to snogging in his back seat, we went a little further. I have not had sex with him and I don’t think that I am ready to go that far, but we have both helped each other orgasm with our mouths and hands. He makes me feel so special and he has always been extra careful with me. I appreciate that very much.

“What cha’ thinking about babe?” He asks as we are making our way to the park.

I blush a little and kiss the back of his hand. “Just things” I say with a smirk and wink. He chuckles and pulls the car over to the side of the road.

“What are you doing?” I ask. We are about a block from the park. He doesn’t answer. Verbally, that is. He leans over to me and slides his fingers into the back of my hair and moves my head forward so that my lips meet his. I lean into the kiss and place one of my hands on his chest. We kiss for a minute or so and then pull away. He places his forehead on mine and looks into my eyes.

“You’re mine, right?” He asks. What does he mean by that? I’m certainly not doing things like this with anyone else.

“Niall. You’re mine.” He says a bit more sternly and then kisses my lips once more.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” I ask.

“Well, I don’t want anyone else to have you. I know I leave in a few days and I want to leave knowing that you are mine and no one elses.” He kisses my lips once more. This is the first time he has talked to me in a forceful manner. Not that he is being mean at all, but it is just different than the sweet, caring, and gentle Jamie that I am used to. But I guess he is a guy that knows what he wants.

“Yes, Jamie. I’ll be yours.” He presses his lips to mine. His hand is still gripping the back of my hair and he takes his other hand and grabs my waist. He pulls me over onto him. I straddle his hips in the small car, which is not an easy task, but I make it work. He is deepening the kiss and holding me tight against his body. His actions cause me to moan. He bucks his hips up a bit to grind his obvious arousal into mine. We both moan and continue kissing. Just as his hands are moving up under my shirt and running up my bare chest, I pull away.

“We are going to be late, babe” I say and place quick kiss on his lips. I begin to remove myself from his lap. He holds my hips tight and pulls me in for another kiss. He releases me a few minutes later and I move back into my seat. I smile at my new boyfriend and he looks at me, lust still apparent in his eyes. I lean over and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Let’s go” I say, pointing to the direction of the park. He nods his head and pulls back out onto the street.

“Why would you do that?!” I yell as we are driving away from the park. He is ignoring me. “Answer me!” I yell again. He swerves the car over to a small parking lot in front of a convenience store and pulls into a parking spot and forcefully applies the breaks. We come to an abrupt stop.

I am still waiting for an answer and his hand roughly grabs my chin and he turns my head to look at him. “That guy had his hands all over you. I didn’t like it. You are my boyfriend.” I pull my chin away from his grasp.

“Jack is my friend. He scored a goal and I hugged him. He wasn’t all over me. You over reacted. I can’t believe you pushed him to the ground. Jesus I can’t even stand to be near you right now.” I say and remove my seat belt and get out of the car. I am only a few blocks away from my house so I can walk. I can hear him call after me but I continue walking ignoring his demands to come back. I hear tires screeching away and I turn around to see his car taking off in the other direction. I arrive home a few minutes later and go right up to my room, simply telling my parents that I am tired. But I really just don’t feel like seeing anyone.

I send a text to Jack and the rest of the boys apologizing for Jamie’s behavior and letting them know that he just got a bit jealous cause he really likes me and doesn’t want to lose me. They all say it is fine and we make plans to hang out on Sunday. I lie on my bed going over all of the events this afternoon. I really just don’t understand. Jamie was so sweet to me all afternoon. His arm was around my waist the entire time, he was placing kisses on my cheek as I introduced him to all of the guys as my boyfriend. I mean, maybe I can see that he didn’t like it that much when I hugged Jack. Maybe I would feel a little jealous if I were to see him hugging someone that I really didn’t know. I go through my phone, thinking I should text him and apologize. But maybe I’ll let him cool down and I’ll just talk to him about it tomorrow.

I then scroll past ‘Hxx’. I smile. Maybe I can text Harry. That will certainly brighten my mood.

To: Hxx

Hey! It’s Niall. Just wanted to thank you for the letter and don’t worry, it will be our secret!! I hope you are well!

I receive a response within a couple minutes.

To: Niall

Hi! Great to hear from you. I’m glad you got the letter. I was hoping that it wouldn’t be too much. I just wanted to let you know that you are my favorite! I know I shouldn’t be saying that, but oh well. My day has been great, thank you for asking. How is yours?

To: Hxx

That’s good! Mine was….ok.

To: Niall

Awe…just ‘ok’? 

I can’t believe I am texting with Harry Styles. This is absolute madness!!

To: Hxx

Yea….just had a little fight with my boyfriend..no big deal. It will all be better by tomorrow.

Shit. I just told him I had a boyfriend. I wonder if he will freak out and not want to talk to me anymore because he might be uncomfortable with me being gay. I wait for his reply. It isn’t coming as fast as his others. I decide to text him again.

To: Hxx

I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my having a boyfriend. You can probably guess that I am gay….

I wait for a reply.

To: Niall

No. You being gay doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s just that a week ago I was in a production meeting and we were watching some of the audition interviews and I saw yours. You mentioned in it that you were single.

Ok. Good he isn’t bothered by it. And oh God he saw that interview. That was horrible!

To: Hxx

That interview was horrible. I was nervous with the camera and lights pointing on me. And I have been seeing this guy for a couple weeks. He just became my boyfriend today. So I was single during that interview.

To: Niall

Oh. Well I liked the interview. I think you did well. Didn’t look nervous at all, you looked good.

Just as I finished reading Harry’s last text, a text from Jamie came through.

To: Hxx

Well, thank you. I gotta go. Jamie, my boyfriend, just texted. Feel free to text me when you want. It’s really great to be talking with you. You are so nice. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you in a few weeks!

To: Niall

Sure, no problem. And I’ll definitely text you soon! ;) Good night! xx

To: Hxx

Goodnight!

So yea…I am texting freaking Harry Styles like he is my friend. There are no words. But now I guess I should see what Jamie wants. 

I am now sitting in Jamie’s car, out front of my house. As soon as I finished texting Harry I had three texts from Jamie. I guess I didn’t text him back quick enough. He told me he was out front of my house, then told me to hurry up, then told me that if I wasn’t down there in a minute he would knock on the door.

“What took you so long?” he asked

“I was in the bathroom and my phone was in my room” I lied. He was angry at me for hugging Jack so I certainly didn’t want to tell him I was texting Harry Styles.

“Oh.” Was his reply and I wait for him to speak again. “I’m sorry I lost my temper Niall. I just don’t like other guys with their hands all over you. I want you for myself.” He takes his hands in mine and continues. “I like you so much, babe and I don’t ever want to lose you. Could you forgive me?” He places a kiss on my hand and then caresses my cheek with the pad of his right thumb. Here is the sweet and caring Jamie that I know. I lean into his touch.

“Of course, Jamie.” I say and then lean into him for a kiss. We spend the next twenty minutes in front of my house, kissing. 

It’s Friday night and Jamie will be here in a few minutes to take me out for our last date before he has to leave tomorrow afternoon. He hasn’t told me where we are going but I am sure it will be special. The past couple days have been ok. I have noticed a little that when we are out in public Jamie always has his arm tight around my waist. I guess it’s kinda cute. He really likes me and I guess he just likes letting everyone know that I am his boyfriend.

Harry sent me a text last night, but I was out with Jamie and obviously couldn’t reply. No need to make him upset. I don’t like it when he is upset with me. I sit on my bed and unplug my phone from the charger and scroll to the message Harry sent. I have a couple minutes before Jamie gets here, so I’ll send him a quick ‘hello’.

To: Hxx

Hi. Sorry I didn’t respond last night. I was out with Jamie and he likes to have all of my attention. I have to go soon. It’s Jamie’s last night in Mullingar and then he returns back home to London. But I just wanted to reply back and say Hello. Have a good evening!

I turned my phone to vibrate and slid it in my back pocket. I heard a car horn honking. I look out the window and see him out front waiting. I quickly grab my wallet and run out the door while my parents yell that a respectable boy wouldn’t just honk the horn. I ignore them and tell them I will be home later and shut the door closed behind me.

“Hey, babe” I say as I get into his car and give him a kiss on his lips. “So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” He smiled and pulled out into the road. After a few minutes of driving he turned down the radio and put his hand on my thigh.

“Hey, Ni…” he says, but it comes out as more of a question. “What’s up?”

“You would do anything for me right?” What the heck is he talking about? I just look at him.

“You would do anything I wanted right?” He asks again. I think about it for a couple minutes, not really sure what to say.

“Umm…..within reason, I guess”

“What do you mean by that?” he quickly retorts and squeezes my thigh a little tighter.

“Well…I guess I just feel like the word anything is too vague. Like I am certainly not going to rob a bank for you and I am certainly not going to beat someone up…..so I guess that is what I mean by within reason.”

“Oh” was his response and his hand traveled further up my thigh. I looked at his hand, now dangerously close to my member and I look up at him. He smirks and then turns his attention back to the road.

“Why are we at a hotel?” I ask as he pulls into the parking lot.

“I want you all to myself tonight. It’s my last night here and I don’t want to be around other people. I just want it me and you, ok” He answers and gently rubs my cheek. I lean into the touch and breathe out happily because he is just being so sweet right now. I nod my head in compliance and we get out of the car and make our way to the room.

I am currently sitting on my own bed, in my own room after Jamie dropped me off. Our goodbye was anything but special. I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I wasn’t ready to have sex with him but he begged and begged, but I just wouldn’t give in. He told me that if I didn’t do that with him then I must not really like him. I don’t understand why he could say that. I told him I really like him and I would do other things, but I just wasn’t ready to go all the way. He got really angry at one point and pushed me up against the wall. He slammed his fist next to my head. He then pulled back and took my wrist and pulled me from the room and basically shoved me in the car. 

I tried to apologize to him that I wasn’t ready, but the only thing he would say in return was that I led him on and that I was being a tease. Maybe I was being a tease. Maybe he assumed since I agreed to go into the hotel with him that I would have sex with him. Maybe I shouldn’t have bucked my hips onto his when he was kissing down my neck. Maybe I should apologize. He is leaving in the morning and I want us to be apart on good terms. I want my boyfriend to be happy with me.

To: Jamie

I’m sorry, babe. I’m sorry if I led you on. Can you come back to my house so we can have a proper goodbye? I don’t want you leaving with you being mad at me. I’m really sorry.

To: Niall

Fine. I’ll be out front in ten minutes. Be out there waiting.

My parents were sleeping so I snuck out of the house very quietly and sat on the front steps and waited. His car pulled up about five minutes later. I ran over to it and got into the passenger seat. He pulled away without saying anything and we drove to the park. He pulled into a space and turned the car off and just looked at me.

“You said you would do what I wanted.” He said and held onto my chin.

“I’m sorry Jamie. I really am. I’m just not ready for that. But I’ll do anything else to you. I don’t want you going away mad.” He pulled me in for a forceful kiss. He then leant his seat back a little and started to unzip his pants. I knew what he wanted and I obliged.

Thirty minutes later we were back in front of my house. He seemed happy and that was all that mattered to me.

“I’m gonna miss you” I said and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. “But I’ll be in London in a month.”

“I know. I’ll have to come to see you. I’m sure you will be busy with all that x-factor stuff, but you’ll make time for me.”

“Of course I will, babe. I won’t be at boot camp twenty four seven.” He smiles at my response. This is the Jamie that I like.

“Do I need to remind you that you are mine? I don’t want anyone touching you while we are apart.” He says and grabs my hips.

“Yes. I’m yours. I know.” He pulls me in for another kiss. This one longer because we know this will be the last time we see each other for a little while. I pull away after a few minutes and place my forehead on his.

“I’ll miss you. Call me when you get home” I say. He nods and places his lips on mine one last time.

I get out of his car and stand on my lawn and wave as he drives away. I walk back into my house and up the stairs to my room, replaying everything that happened tonight, and everything that happened over the past couple of weeks. Something in me is saying that it seems a bit off, but maybe I am just tired. I look at my phone and see that I have a missed message. I open it.

To: Niall

He seems to be taking up a lot of your time. I hope you are finding time to focus on yourself and your singing. Have a good night! xx 

That was sent about two hours ago. It’s too late to reply back now. But come to think of it, I haven’t been singing at all these past couple of weeks. I guess I better get to it, starting tomorrow. I lie in my bed and close my eyes, exhausted from tonight’s events. It’s not too long before I fall to sleep.

 

With my boarding pass in my hand, my small carryon suitcase at my side and my guitar slung over my right shoulder, I say goodbye to my parents at security.

“Call us everyday” Mum says as she holds my cheeks in her hands.

“I will. I promise.”

“You are in London for boot camp. Focus all of your time on that and not some boy.” Dad says sternly

“Dad. Jamie is my boyfriend. We haven’t seen each other in almost a month. I will have my focus on boot camp, but I am also going to see him a little bit.” I reply and he rolls his eyes. It’s not like he can really do anything about it. Dad will be in Ireland and I’ll be in London.

“I’m gonna miss you, sweetheart.” She says and gives me a kiss on my cheek.

“Mum, I’m gonna be back in four days. I gotta go.” I give them both a hug goodbye and find my place in the line for security.

There were busses at Heathrow to take the arriving contestants to the hotel. It was just about one in the afternoon. We had to be at Wembley by 6pm so that we could get the whole rundown of how the next few days were going to go. 

Once at the hotel, I checked into the front desk. I was given my room number and key. I wonder if my roommate is already here. I slide the key card into the door slot and wait for the light to turn green. It does and I pull the handle down and enter my ‘home’ for the next four days. I see a suitcase on one of the beds and I hear the shower running. 

I place my bag and guitar on the unoccupied bed and start to unpack. After a few minutes, I hear the water turn off and the shower curtain slide open. I keep unpacking waiting for him to come out so we can be introduced.

“Oh.” I hear as I am looking out the window. I turn around to see my roommate. A very good looking roommate with water droplets running down his bare chest and a small white towel wrapped low on his hips. I am trying not to stare, but damn!

“Hey! You must be my roommate. I’m Liam Payne” He says and walks over towards me, one hand held out to shake my hand and the other holding his towel in place.

“Y-yea…umm..hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Niall Horan” I shake his hand making sure I look directly into his eyes and not down at his very in-shape body. He had large brown eyes, hair that looked like he had shaved his head recently but it has been growing in for a couple weeks and a really nice smile.

“Sorry about this” he says and motions to his lack of clothing. “I didn’t think anyone would be here quite yet and I needed a shower after my car ride. So how old are you…where are you from” He said and began ruffling through his clothing pulling out items to wear. He slipped a pair of boxers on under his towel and then let his towel drop. He was looking at me to answer while pulling on a shirt.

“Sooo…..” he says

“Right…sorry. Guess I’m tired after my flight. I’m seventeen and I’m from the midlands of Ireland”

“I thought I detected an Irish accent.”

“Yeah” I replied with a smile. “Guess, I’ll take a shower now too.” He nods and I pull out my clothing that I am going to wear and bring it into the bathroom with me. I am not as comfortable changing front of a stranger as Liam seems to be. Also I don’t think Jamie would appreciate that very much.

I let the hot water fall down my back. It does feel nice after the long trip that I have just been on. The past few weeks have been kind of tough. Jamie has been upset a lot. He constantly thinks that I am out with other guys, but that just isn’t true. I have been out with my friends a few times but they are strictly my friends and none are gay. I have been spending our time apart convincing him every day that I am only with him. Sometimes it works and we are happy when we hang up and other calls end with him screaming and hanging up. He always calls to apologize a few hours later. He explains that it is just because he misses me so much. I know it is tough on him. He doesn’t have family like I do so he is alone in London, basically. He told me that his parents died when he was just about 18 in a crash. It made no sense for him to live in foster care, so he has been on his own ever since. He says he has some friends but that he would rather have me with him. It’s sweet.

Harry and I maintained texting each other too. He is actually a really great person. I still have my crush on him, but it’s not like I would ever have a chance with him so why wouldn’t I stay with Jamie. He says that boot camp will be tiresome and that I should be getting lost of rest. He has been telling me not to stay up late and talk to Jamie, but I just laugh it off. The last time Harry and I texted was a couple days ago. He will be at the welcoming thing that is being held in just a few hours. I am excited to see him. I think we have built quite a good friendship if you ask me. 

I reluctantly turn off the water, not wanting to lose the soothing sensation of the hot water and step out on the cold tile floor. I wipe the steam off the mirror and begin to towel dry. I am dressed and my hair is styled to be purposely messed. I’m putting on a hat anyway. I open the bathroom door and the steams makes a hastily exit.

“Um. Hello” I say to the two additional people that are in our room.

“Niall, these guys share the room right next to us.” Liam said.

“Hey. I’m Zayn Malik” And I though Liam was good looking. Zayn is like a perfect specimen. He has golden brown eyes, perfect cheekbones, a jaw line that looks like it has been carved from marble and eyelashes for days. When he smiles his tongue is visibly pressed against his teeth. It is really adorable.

“I’m Colin Anderson” The other lad says. He’s pretty cute too. Bright blonde hair and green eyes. 

“Niall Horan” I say and shake their hands.

“Niall, you could have changed out here instead of in that cramped bathroom.” Liam said like it was no big deal.

“S’alrigth. It wasn’t bad” I replied and began to put my toiletries away.

“So, since I have my car I was thinking that we could all go get a bite to eat and then drive over to Wembley for the meeting. What do you think” Liam asks.

“Sounds great. Anything involving food is always great in my book!” I say and the others laugh, kind of like dismissing what I just said. Oh, they’ll learn.

Liam, Zayn and Colin are really funny guys. I know that I have made friends that I will keep in touch with long after boot camp. We end up at some random McDonalds and they find out real quick about my love for food.

“Where do you put it all?” Zayn asks and I just laugh. I take another bite of my cheese burger and I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I swallow what’s in my mouth and retrieve my phone from my pocket. Shit. I forgot to text Jamie when I landed. I have like five missed texts from him. The first couple are sweet asking where I am and why I haven’t texted. The last three show that he is upset. I read the new one that just came in.

To: Niall

I will find you, Niall and you won’t be happy about it. Answer me. Now.

“What’s up?” Liam asks. They must have taken notice to my change in demeanor.

“Uh…nothing. I um..have to make a call…excuse me.” I stand up and step outside. I know the boys can still see me, but they obviously can’t hear.

“Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you been answering my texts? You have been in London for a few hours already. I know when your flight landed.” He yells without even saying hello.

“I’m sorry, babe. I just got caught up in everything. I got off the plane and had to catch the shuttle bus to the hotel and then I met my roommate and then I took a shower and now I am out at McDonalds with my roommate and two other guys who are in the room right next to us. As soon as we are done eating, we are going right over to Wembley for the welcoming thing at six.” I tried to explain as quickly as I could.

“I’m sorry I lost my temper babe. I just worry about you. You know I love you. You love me right?” We have said I love you to each other before. I don’t really know my feelings about it but I feel like I should say it back because I don’t want to upset him.

“Yes, I love you” I reply.

“Ok good. So are the guys you’re with attractive? They better not touch you. You know how I want you all to myself. I love you so much, babe.”

“No, Jamie.” I lied. “I only have eyes for you.” This all feels wrong but I would rather have him happy. I really like happy Jamie.

“Good. So I’ll pick you up at Wembley at eight tonight, ok.”

“Ok. I’ll be out front.” I smile.

“I love you, Ni.”

“Love you too. Bye” I then hang up. Well at least he was only mad for a few minutes. I really don’t think I love him. I mean, I really like him. I really like happy, sweet Jamie. But there are two sides to him. I know maybe it’s not healthy, but no relationship is perfect. I reenter the restaurant and join the boys back at the table.

“What was that about? You didn’t look so good in the beginning.” Colin asks and I can tell each of them is wondering. Should I tell them it was my boyfriend? I don’t know why I am constantly second guessing if I should tell people I am gay or not. I said I was in that interview and if they use my interview on tv, the whole UK will know.

“Ummm…well it was just..my..boyfriend.” I didn’t look up to see their reactions but continued talking. “I was supposed to call him when I landed in London but I just forgot so he was a little upset and worried. It’s ok now.” I finish and slowly raise my head to meet their eyes.

“How long have you been dating?” Liam asks like he is bothered at all. None of the guys look bothered. Why do I always think people are going to make such a big deal out of it?

“A little over a month.” I reply. “We met in my home town. He was visiting family. He is actually from London. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. He is coming to pick me up tonight at eight after we finish at Wembley.”

“Long distance must suck, huh” Colin adds and I just nod.

“Well maybe we will get to meet him” Zayn says with a smile.

“Yeah. Maybe.” I reply and take another bite of food. Is that really a good idea? Jamie will probably get jealous and I would like to avoid a fight. Our meal is soon over and we make our way to the stadium.

 

There are a few hundred people in the seats when we arrive. The four of us walk to some empty seats and sit in a row. I am feeling nervous and excited all at once. We are located in the middle section about eight rows from the front.

Zayn grabs my hand. My eyes go wide for a second. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I look at him and he smiles. “I am so nervous” he says. I smile in return and squeeze his hand. It’s just a friendly interaction, why am I so worried about a friend touching my hand or hugging me? Jamie, that’s why.

After a few minutes I see the judges make their way across the stage. Everyone cheers and claps. After a few minutes, Simon holds his arms out and with his hands, motions us all to be silent. It doesn’t take long for the room to go quiet. Simon has that effect on people. I look at Harry. He is scanning the crowd, probably looking at all of the people in here. There are a lot of us. He then makes contact with my eyes and smiles. My smile widens and he winks. I blush and look at my lap.

“Did Harry Styles just wink in this direction….like…at you?” Liam whispers.

“No…not at me. “ I reply. “You know that he winks at people all the time. Maybe someone around us waved to him or something.” I said trying to get Liam’s mind off Harry winking in my direction. Simon begins to speak.

“So this is how it will go. Tonight you will all be put in your respective categories. The boys, the girls, the groups and the over twenty-fives. Each group will get a list of five songs. Of those five songs you will have to choose one to learn and sing in front of the judges tomorrow. You will have the evening and until tomorrow afternoon to perfect your song. We will then cut the groups in half. Half of you will be leaving tomorrow.” He says it like without a care in the world. I gulp at the thought of having to leave. He continues.

“Like in the previous years, we would also like to see your stage presence. So we have a choreographer here that will teach you a simple dance tomorrow after we have made our first cut. The remaining people will dance later on tomorrow evening. You need to show confidence. We don’t care if you can’t dance. You just need to show us that you are willing to try. On Thursday is when we will make our final decisions as to who will go to judges’ houses. There will be eight from each group who will be selected. From there, each judge will choose four to take to the live shows. Any questions?”

Everyone looks around to see if anyone is brave enough to ask Simon a question. A girl a few rows away from me timidly raises her hand. “When will we find out who the judge is for each category?” Good question, I thought. They have done it in the past where you find out during boot camp and then sometimes you don’t find out until the judge comes out of the house. Everyone waits for his reply.

“We are doing it like last year. You will not find out until you get to judges’ houses. Is that all with the questions?” He adds and scans his eyes over the contestants. No one else raised their hands. Simon nodded.

“Do any of you have anything to add?” He asks and looks at Louis, Cheryl and Harry.

“Have fun!” Harry chimes in and smiles.

“Ok. You will all have the next hour to come up here on stage and make your way over to the tables in behind us and grab the list of songs assigned to your category. Also take one of the schedules. It will have the exact times you will have to be here. Good luck”

The judges made their way behind the tables with the song lists and schedules. People started lining up to the tables. The four of us decided to just hang back until the lines got a little shorter.

Once the lines died down a bit, we walked up on the stage. I could see Harry off to the side talking to some shorter guy with feathery brown hair. As we got closer I realized that that guy was Louis Tomlinson. Harry’s best friend and stylist. I obviously know these types of things because I am a huge fan. Harry calls him Lou. 

I am the last of the four of us to make it to the table. I pick up the schedule and then the song list. I walk off to the side, about to join the boys back in the seats when someone takes the hat off my head. I turn around to see Harry twirling the hat around his finger and smiling bright.

“You always wear these hats?” He asks with a smile. I reach for it and pull it from his grasp. “Usually” I reply and ruffle up my hair and return it to my head, putting it on backwards, like usual.

“So…..how was your flight?” He asks. He is speaking rather quietly. There are people around and I get that others can’t really know that we have developed a friendship. 

“Good. Still a bit tired from the traveling, but I’ll be fine.” I replied and smiled. I look at Lou quickly and then back to Harry.

“Sorry. This is Louis or Lou as I call him. Lou this is Niall. The amazing singer I was telling you about” I smile and hold out my hand to shake Lou’s

“Nice to meet you Niall. Great accent by the way” he beams.

“Why does everyone love an Irish accent?” I joke; my reply not really needing a reply of its own. Harry and Lou chuckle. I look at my watch. 7:45. I need to get outside. I don’t want to have Jamie waiting on me.

“Well I should get going. My ride will be here in fifteen minutes.”

“You’re not going back to the hotel on the shuttles?” Harry asked.

“Um…no. Well I actually got a ride over here with my roommate and two other people who are in the room next to us. But Jamie, you know he lives in London, will be waiting for me out front at 8. I’m going to spend a few hours with him. Haven’t seen each other in a few weeks, you know.” I finish. Harry looks somewhat upset but I know it’s just because I am about to spend time with Jamie instead of going right to the hotel to practice the song.

“Oh. Well you should really concentrate on choosing a song and practicing you know.” He replies, confirming what I knew he was thinking.

“I will.” I smile. “See you tomorrow?”

“Of course” He says and then pulls the hat off my head again and ruffles my hair and puts my hat back on frontwards. I smirk and before I turn away, I rotate the hat on my head to its usual backwards position and give him an exaggerated smile and a wink and then I leave.

Liam, Zayn and Colin left just before eight. I told them that they didn’t have to wait with me. Jamie would be here soon. Except for the fact that it is now 8:30 and I am still waiting at the place we are suppose to meet. Right on the common area in the front of the stadium. I am sitting on a bench, using this time to look over the song choices.

1\. Candle In The Wind –Elton John

2\. Heaven –Bryan Adams

3\. Good Riddance –Green Day

4\. Iris –Goo Goo Dolls

5\. Unchained Melody –The Righteous Brothers

Elton John songs are hard to sing. Well, not hard to sing, just Elton John is a legend. So to sing one of his songs, not only will the judges be comparing me to the other contestants but also to freakin’ Elton John. So that is out. Heaven is a great song and I love singing it but I think it would be considered the safe way out. Good Riddance is, I guess, considered a balled, but it’s a bit up tempo. So, now between Iris and Unchained Melody. Both songs that I love. I actually think a lot of people will choose Iris. So I think I am going with Unchained Melody. I internally do a dance as soon as I decide. I look at my watch. 8:40. 

To: Jamie

Where are you? I am out front where we decided that we would meet. You said you would be here at 8 and it’s now 8:40.

To: Niall

I’m on my way. Jesus. Have patience.

Great, I pissed him off.

“Hey. What are you still doing here?” I turn to see who is speaking to me.

“Hey Harry” I smile and he joins me on the bench.

“You ok? You look upset. I thought your boyfriend was coming to pick you up” He says and then starts to run his hand up and down my back. I certainly like the feeling of comfort I am receiving. I smile up at him.

“Yea. Jamie got held up but he is on his way now. Should be here shortly.”

“Ok. Well I’ll wait with you.” He responds.

“No. That’s ok. I am sure you have other places you need to be.”

He places his hand on my knee. “Nowhere more important than here.” He says with a smile. I smile back at him. 

“So, have you chosen what song you are gonna do?”

“Yea. Just now actually.” I exclaim. “Unchained Melody”

“Good choice” he nods.

“Yeah. I’m really looking forwa-“

“Niall James” I know that yell anywhere. I move my body away from Harry’s quickly and he just looks at me. Harry turns his attention to an angry looking Jamie that is walking towards us. 

“I gotta go. See you tomorrow” I say and hurry towards Jamie before he can get close enough to yell at Harry for being so close to me. I know what I can do to soften his mood a bit. I open my arms and run towards him. “Baby!’ I say happily and jump into him and wrap my legs around his waist. I hold his face between my hands and pull him into a seriously passionate kiss. I know that no matter how angry he may be, when I get him turned on, he relaxes a little bit. His hands quickly make their way to my backside, gripping me and holding me up on his hips. After a few minutes, I wiggle down, stand on my own and place a few kisses on his neck. I look into his eyes and I can tell he is still a bit angry. I turn to see Harry still sitting on the bench. A mix of emotions are on his face as well, but I don’t really know him enough to decipher what they are. 

I pull on Jamie’s arm and lead him away and back over to the parking area. 

“I missed you baby” I say and place a kiss on his cheek. He finally turns his attention to me and tightly wraps his arm around my waist. I look up to see him turn his head back to look at Harry. Jamie raises one of his eyebrows and purses his lips and then turns his head back forward.

After a ten minute lecture about sitting so close to Harry Styles with his hand on my knee and a ten minute care ride, we arrive at Jamie’s flat. I am excited to see what his place looks like. We walk up three flights of stairs and stop in front of a door labeled 3F. He opens the door and leads me in. He tosses his keys into a bowl on a stand in the entry way. He then looks deep into my eyes and throws my hat across the room. He stands right in front of me and his hands grab onto either side of my bum. I jump and he holds me while I am wrapping my legs around his waist. He walks me down the hall to what I am assuming is his bedroom.

After another minute I am tossed onto a large bed with a soft white comforter. I bit my lip and look up at him. I am craving his touch. He moans slightly and pulls his shirt off his body and tosses it across the room. He then removes his pants and is only left in his boxers.

“Strip for me” he says. I comply and sit up a bit to remove my shirt. I unbutton my pants and lift my hips to slide them off. I am lying on my back, propped up on my elbows and my knees are bent and spread apart. He slowly makes his way over to me and crawls on top and positions himself between my legs.

“No one is to touch you. Do you understand?” He says forcefully as he presses his hand down on my chest. I only nod in response. He grinds his erection onto mine. He begins to bite down my neck and chest. Leaving marks all the way. Not really sure how I am going to cover those up tomorrow.

“I want you” He says and looks into my eyes. It’s not really a statement of lusty emotion, like it should be. It is more of a demand. I know I should finally give in and have sex with him. I know that is what he wants and that is what will make him happy. But there is still that part of me that just doesn’t feel right about it.

“Jamie, baby….I’m still not ready. I’m sorry. But we can do others things. Anything you want besides sex.” He rolls his eyes. “Fine.” He replies and I am relieved that he didn’t put up a fight.

I am dropped back off at my hotel by one in the morning. He wanted me to stay the night but I knew I couldn’t. I had to practice the song and get some rest. That turned into a little fight but it was over after a little bit of screaming. Not too bad. I quietly enter my hotel room so that I won’t wake up Liam. I go right into the bathroom to look at the damage. I stand in front of the mirror and remove my shirt. There are bite marks along my collar bones and a few hickeys on my chest. I can cover all of that with a shirt. What will be difficult to cover is the slight bruise on my right cheek bone. 

I gently graze my fingers over the very light bluish mark. I didn’t open my mouth up wide enough for him. I wasn’t doing it the right way he said and so to correct my behavior he backhanded me across my cheek. One of his knuckles hit my cheek bone and that is what is causing the light bruise. But after the hit, I did open my mouth wider for him to continue thrusting into me. 

I cleaned myself up, soaked a face cloth in cold water and took it with me to bed. I curled up into the fetal position and allowed silent tears to fall. I put the cold face cloth on my cheek. He says he loves me, but I know this can’t be right. I think I am just scared to do anything about it. Sweet and gentle Jamie rarely makes an appearance anymore. I know I need to stop this but how?

 

~Harry’s POV~

Ever since I first saw him walk across the stage in Dublin, I haven’t been able to get him off of my mind. It felt like I needed to know him. Like I need him apart of my life in anyway. There was this inexplicable force pulling me towards him and I can’t pull away. It’s nothing like love at first sight because really, that type of thing can’t logically exist. You can be infatuated or have lust at first sight, but it wasn’t like I was lusting after him either. Sure when he bit and then licked his lips I wanted to pin him to a wall and kiss up and down his neck, but upon first glance, the guy that stepped out from behind the curtain and began his walk across the stage was a guy that I needed to know.

And when I didn’t think it be possible to be more drawn to him, he opened his mouth and began to sing. At that moment I knew there was no going back. I was under whatever type of spell he cast out.

I knew I was not allowed to have any kind of contact with the contestants outside of the X-Factor parameters but he is just like a magnet. 

I was happy when he responded to my letter. A tad upset when I found out he had a boyfriend, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about that. But it seemed every time that we would text, he would be telling me that he just had a fight or a spat or an argument with his boyfriend. How many times can two people fight before they realize that it just isn’t going to work out for them? His boyfriend, Jamie, seemed somewhat possessive. I came to this assumption because of what Niall would say in his texts. He certainly never said an ill word towards him, but he would say things like ‘I can’t be late’ or ‘He wants it just me and him’ and so on.

Lou tells me I am getting too involved. I tell Lou everything, always have. We have been friends since Primary. Besides my immediate family, Lou is the only other person who knows that I am gay. He thinks this is just one of my ‘oh God he is so hot’ phases and I’ll be over him when the next hot guy comes along. And I can’t really blame him for thinking that. But it’s not just about Niall being hot, and he really is with those eyes and snapbacks and ruffled blonde and brown hair, but I really just want his friendship. So that is what we have been doing this past month and a half; building a pretty good friendship.

I made my way onto the stage with the other judges to address the contestants and welcome them to boot camp. Before Simon begins speaking, I scan the audience looking for my new friend. My eyes meet his and we give each other knowing stares. I wink and then turn my attention elsewhere.

I am finally able to speak to him when he is up on the stage getting his copies of the song list and schedules. 

“Lou. There he is.” I whisper and secretively point to Niall as he is in line.

“Well, I’ll give ya one thing. He is adorable.” Lou jokes and elbows me in the side.

I finally grab Niall’s attention by pulling off his hat. We have a conversation that was all too quick for my liking but he is in a rush to meet his boyfriend. Why is he so afraid of being late? 

After he leaves, I dramatically drop my head on Lou’s shoulder. “Oh god did you see what he just did? He just winked at me. I sound like a pre-pubescent twelve year old with her first crush” Lou pats my back sympathetically and chuckles.

“I’ll give you another thing, Haz. I get why you are drawn to him. I really just wanted to make him smile. I mean what the hell is that? I get it. But it’s not like you are allowed to have a friendship with him outside of this, for now anyway. You know the rules.”

“I know” I reply and make my way back over to Simon and the other judges so we can finish up.

I said goodbye to Lou and decided to go outside for some fresh air. All of the contestants had either gone home, if they lived close enough or back to the hotel. I was planning on having a quiet moment to myself but then I saw that snapback and the guy underneath it.

I felt really bad that Jamie was late. I rubbed his back to comfort him and it really was just to comfort him. I had no other feeling regarding it. I just wanted him to feel better. We talked about his song choice and I put my hand on his knee, in a friendly manner and not long after, someone shouted his name. He looked almost scared and basically jumped away from me and said he had to go. It was so abrupt. The voice coming from that man was scary. I looked to see eyes boring into me. And then I felt a bit hurt when Niall called him ‘baby’ and jumped into his arms and basically had his way with him in front of me.

As they were walking away, Jamie gave me a mean glare. I kind of shivered. Is that how he acts all the time? How can Niall put up with someone like that? Does he treat Niall ok? I really don’t get the best vibe from him. I never did. I stay outside for a few more minutes and then decide it’s time to go home.

~Returning To Niall’s POV~

I woke up the next morning by the alarm on my phone. I pushed snooze and closed my eyes again. Five minutes later, the alarm was going off again. I looked at the bright screen of my phone with squinted eyes, trying to adjust to the light that my screen was giving off. I turned off the alarm and groaned. I stretched my arms and legs and went to rub my eyes.

Shit. That hurt. I must have pressed my palm on the bruise that was unwantedly taking up space on my right cheekbone. I heard the shower going and knew Liam must already be in there. I got up from my bed and went over to the full length mirror on the wall in the entry way of the hotel room. I looked at the bruise and was happy to see that any swelling that was there last night has completely disappeared. There is still slight discoloration and I am sure I’ll be asked what happened. I will have to think of something.

The door to the bathroom opens and out steps Liam, in just a towel; again.

“Good morning” He says and smiles.

“Morning.” I say and look down, hoping he won’t notice the oval shaped bruise. It’s no bigger than the size of an almond so hopefully I can get into the bathroom without him noticing.

“Bathroom free?” I ask and he nods. I grab my clothing and toiletries and step into the steam filled room.

As soon as I stepped out of the bath room ready for the day, I could hear Liam singing. Damn he has an amazing voice. He is singing Iris. After hearing his voice belting out that song, I am glad that I went with Unchained Melody.

“Liam, man….you sound terrific!” I say. He stops singing and looks at me and smiles. He then squinted his eyes and stared right at my face.

“Is that a bruise?” He asks and makes his way over to me and holds my chin with his right hand. He turns my face a little to the side so that he can get a better look.

“That is a bruise. What the hell happened, Niall?” He let go of my face and waited for me to answer. I walked over and sat on my bed and grabbed my guitar and mindlessly started strumming.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I was adjusting my strings last night when I got back and I was tugging one way with my left hand and my right hand lost grip on the neck and one of the pegs hit me right on the face. I thought you would have heard me curse, but when I looked over to you, you were still sound asleep.” I lied perfectly. I even believed my own story.

“That sucks” He says and I nod. “So how was your date with your boyfriend?” 

“It was good.” I just left it at that and went back to my guitar.

“Have you decided what song you are going to sing?” He asked as he took a seat at the table across the room. He held up an apple from the fruit basket in the center of the table and motioned to me. I nodded and he tossed it into my awaiting hand. I took a bite, chewed, swallowed and then answered.

“Yea. I am singing Unchained Melody.”

“Wow. That’s a classic song. I am sure not many people are going to do it. I thought about it, but I love Iris so much and thought it fit my voice better.” He stated. “You know, Zayn and Colin are doing Iris as well.”

“Really? A lot of people will probably choose Iris, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You sounded great.” I commented. “Thanks” he replied.

“I think I am going to find a quiet corner of this hotel somewhere to go and practice. What time do we have to leave for Wembley?”

“We need to be there by one.”

I look at my watch; 8:30am. “Ok. I’ll meet you back here at 12:30?”

“Sounds good. Good luck.”

“Thanks” I reply and take my guitar, phone, my ipod and the lyrics with me and exit the room. It’s not long before I see a sign that says roof access. I am obviously not allowed up there but I figure I can sneak up without a problem. I look around and quickly and quietly make my way up to the roof.

I text Jamie quickly before I start; saying good morning and letting him know that I am up and that I finish with everything tonight at around eight. I let him know that I will text him when I get back to my room. He is coming to the hotel tonight around nine. He tells me that he will see me tonight and that he loves me and apologizes for last night. This is becoming a pattern. It started out as just him yelling and then apologizing and last night it became physical. I’m not stupid. I know this would be considered an abusive relationship but I still feel attached to him. When he apologizes and tells me that he loves me, he is so caring and I fall for it every time. I shake all of the thoughts out of my head and concentrate on one thing; my singing.

I already have Unchained Melody on my ipod. I listen to it three times, paying attention to the changes in the music and the different inflections in the Righteous Brothers’ voices. I know that I’ll have backing tracks when I perform in front of the judges, but for now, I’ll use my guitar.

We only get a minute thirty. That takes me through the first verse and the sort of chorus thing. The part that I am most worried is at the word ‘mine’. It is sung higher than I think I can go. But I practice and practice. When I finally get the song to where I am comfortable, I run through it about five or six times and then once more just in case. I notice that it is just about noon. I would like to eat something before leaving. As soon as I stand to secretively get off the roof, my phone buzzes in my pocket.

To: Niall

Good Luck today. See you soon!! : ) xx

I smile and reply.

To: Hxx

Thank you! I’ve been practicing all morning. I hope I do the song justice! See you in an hour! 

I run to a coffee shop that is right next to the hotel and grab a ham sandwich, a bag of crisps and a packet of nuts. I also decide to get a hot cup of green tea with honey. It will sooth my throat and help prepare it for this afternoon’s performance.

I meet Liam, Zayn and Colin in my room and they appear to be finishing up their lunch. I decide that I will eat on the way. I am just taking the last bite of my sandwich when we arrive. I didn’t have time for the crisps and nuts which if I’m honest, I am kinda bummed about.

As soon as we sit in the auditorium, Harry and I spot each other. We smile a silent hello and then Simon begins to tell us that the groups will go first, then the girls, then boys and lastly the over twenty-fives. We are welcome to stay watch the others categories until it is our time to go on, but we are also allowed to go to the back stage area and practice. However, we will have to be in the auditorium once it is time for our specific category to sing.

I decide that I would rather go over the song in my head in silence and make my way back stage and find a corner to basically hide away in.

A couple hours later, the boys’ category is called to the auditorium. They call each boy, one by one. Some do really well and some have nerves that got the better of them. As I guessed, most are singing Iris. I have only heard about five people so far singing Unchained Melody, which I am happy about.

Liam went and of course did amazing. Zayn also had a beautiful voice. He is certain to make it. I could tell Colin was nervous and he went a bit pitchy. I felt bad for him. He could sing but maybe he just over did his voice practicing. I was called up next. I made my way to the stage and stood where I was told to. I smiled at the judges, Harry in particular. 

“So what song have you chosen, Niall” Louis asks.

“Unchained Melody” I replied into the microphone.

“OK. Lets start” Simon said and motioned his finger to the guy to start the music. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and reopened my eyes and began to sing.

Oh, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch. A long, lonely time. And time goes by so slowly and time can do so much. Are you still mine. 

I smiled when I hit the note perfectly. I looked at Harry who was smiling as well. I continued to sing.

I need your love. I need your love. God speed your love, to me.

After a few seconds the music stops and I lower the mic. I know the judges aren’t giving any feedback so I just say thank you to them and give an extra smile to Harry. I hand the microphone off and return to my seat.

“That was perfect, Niall” Zayn whispered.

“Yeah. It was really good” Liam added.

“Thank you. I really feel good about that.” I reply and then take notice that Colin isn’t around.

“Where’s Colin?”

“He was upset about his performance. He left just as you finished. He is probably in the back somewhere.” Liam replied.

“Oh. That’s sad. He sang well. I just think his nerves got the better of him.” I said and the Liam and Zayn agreed.

Another two hours later and everyone was called back into the auditorium. The groups are called to the stage. Simon announces which groups will move on and which groups will be leaving. The same happens with the girls and the over twenty-fives. The boys’ category is called last. There are just about forty of us, all on stage; some crossing their fingers, some with eyes closed silently hoping their name is called. I am standing in between Liam and Zayn; Colin is on the other side of Liam. All of us have our arms wrapped around each others’ backs. Harry begins to call the names.

“…….Jackson Smith, Allen Ross, Zayn Malik….” We pull Zayn in for a hug and congratulate him. He is smiling wide and leaves the stage to head to the back with the others who have already been called.

“…….Reese William, Liam Payne…..” Colin and I hug Liam and he joins Zayn in the back.

“…..Thomas O’Connor and last but certainly not least….” I am dying. Either Colin or I didn’t make it. I really want this but will feel really bad if Colin gets cut. Harry smiles at me and I feel a sense of relief.

“……Niall Horan. Congrats to those who have made it. And we are sorry to those of you who haven’t. Please come back next year.” Harry finishes. I hug Colin and tell him how sorry I am. He congratulates me and I walk to the back with my arm around his shoulder.

We all exchange numbers and say goodbye to Colin. He will be gone by the time we get back to the hotel tonight. He wished us good luck and that he will watch every episode and cheer for us if we make it to the live shows. After Colin leaves, the three of us celebrate. We didn’t feel it was right to do it in front of Colin.

We have about a half hour break until we have to be back on the stage for the choreography portion. I tell the guys that I am going to step outside to call Jamie and my parents to let them know I made it past the first cut.

I walk down the hallway towards a side exit of the building. Just then I am grabbed and pulled into a dark room. I gasp and a hand is placed across my mouth to prevent my screaming. I hear the door close and then lock.

I feel hot breath on my neck. I am a tiny bit scared at this point.

“It’s me, silly. You don’t have to be scared” I recognized the voice immediately. The hand was removed from my mouth and I turned to face him.

“Harry!” I slapped his arm. “You scared the hell outta me!” I take a deep breath and calm my nerves. I look at Harry’s shadowy figure.

“I can’t see a damn thing in here.” I say and hear Harry rustling around for something. The lights are soon on and I look around the room. I am in what looks like a small office that is now used for storage.

“You did amazing!” He beamed and pulled me in for a hug.

“Thanks. It felt good.” I said and pulled away. His hands were still on my shoulders. I noticed him studying my face.

“Where did you get that bruise?” He asked with concern in his face. He then grazed my right cheek bone with the pad of his thumb. The sensation sent chills down my spine. I looked into his eyes and he was looking directly back at me. I slightly leaned into the touch. I lowered my head.

“I was um fixing my guitar strings and well, one of my hands slipped and a peg hit me right on the cheek. It’s not bad. Doesn’t hurt.” I finish and run my hand over the bruise. He lifts my head and looks at me. I can tell he isn’t as convinced as Liam was but I could easily tell the lie to Liam. There was something about Harry that gave me a hard time telling him anything but the truth.

“Are you sure that is what happened, Niall?”

“Yes.” I say trying to sound more convincing. I can see that he still doesn’t believe me, but he allows me to have this one.

“I hope you are a good dancer” He jokes. I groan.

“I’m a terrible dancer” We both laugh.

“Well we aren’t checking for your dancing skills, just your stage presence and confidence. So go out there and have fun.” 

“I will.” I say and then look at my phone. “I better go. I have to call my parents and Jamie before we have to be back into the auditorium.” His smile falters and he looks like he wants to say something.

“Um….Jamie looked really angry yesterday” he finally manages to say. I don’t really know how to reply. Maybe I can tell him a little bit. Harry and I have this really good friendship that has developed and I feel a pull towards him that I can’t explain. I think about my words before I use them.

“Yea. He was a little upset. He, I guess, gets a tad jealous when he sees me with other guys and we were sitting so close yesterday. He was fine though after I gave him a hello kiss and hug.”

“Yea, I saw that.” He groaned. I look at him with a raised eyebrow, questioning his response. He shook his head and pulled me in for another hug. 

“You go first and I’ll leave in a few minutes” He says and opens the door for me; making sure he is standing behind it. “Bye” he whispers. “Bye” I reply and continue on with my original plan of calling my parents and Jamie.

My parents were really excited for me. They told me how proud they were and that they loved and missed me. Jamie didn’t really seem like he wanted to be bothered but he congratulated me and told me he would be at the hotel by nine and that I was to meet him down in the lobby and added that I better not make him wait. He said he loved me before he said goodbye. I, like usual, said I loved him too, really just to make him happy. I headed back into the auditorium to join Zayn, Liam and the remaining contestants.

Choreography was terrible! I was doing ok with the moves but I was clearly off time. I kept glancing at Harry the entire time and he had a smirk on his face; enjoying my awkwardness. 

After about an hour of learning the steps and an hour practice, we were separated into smaller groups within our category and were lined up on stage. Each small group would all dance at the same time and the judges would takes notes on each person. 

I did my best and made sure that I looked like I was having a good time, showing that I had the confidence it took to be up on stage. I felt like an idiot but I did what I had to do. After everyone had danced, we all sat in the seats again while the judges took the stage.

“Most of you did really well.” Cheryl said. “Give yourselves a round of applause” We all clapped and there were also some cheers and whistles.

“We appreciate that you all worked very hard over the past couple of days and no matter the outcome, we wish you all the best.” Louis added.

“You are all to be back here by ten tomorrow morning. You will find out then who has made it to judges’ houses and who hasn’t.” Simon said with little emotion.

“You should all go and get a good night’s rest. You have done really well and should be very proud of yourselves. We will see you all tomorrow.” Harry finishes and the judges begin to clap and then we all join in. I look at Harry who is already looking at me. He isn’t looking away like he normally does. He is just continuing to look my way. I begin to feel my cheeks get red and my nerves start building. I absentmindedly begin to bite my lower lip. I see Harry’s lips slightly part and he seems to narrow his eyes onto me even more. He turns to face Cheryl, quickly, and begins a conversation with her. What is going on? 

Liam, Zayn and I make our way back to the hotel. It is just before nine and I decide that I might as well wait in the lobby. I tell Zayn and Liam I’ll be up in a little bit with Jamie. At five after nine, I see Jamie walk into the front doors. He is carrying a bouquet of flowers and smiles and makes his way over to me.

I wrap my arms around him and place a kiss on his lips. I pull away and look at the arrangement he is holding out to me. I take them from his hands and bring them to my nose to smell them. I smile and look him in his eyes.

“These are amazing, babe. Thank you so much. I’ve never received flowers before.” I say and smell them again. His hands are firm on my hips. He places a kiss on my lips.

“Well you deserve them. Congratulations on making it through today. I love you.” He says and pulls me in for a hug. Him bringing flowers for me is completely sweet and I am really enjoying this Jamie. It makes me forget about what happened last night and this afternoon when I spoke to him.

“Would you like to meet my roommate, Liam and our friend Zayn? He stays in the room next to us.”

“I guess. But I really just want you all to myself.” I can hear the tone in his voice. The nice Jamie is slowly making his exit.

“I know. We will just say hello and then I’ll ask if Liam can stay the night in Zayn’s room and then you and me can have the room to ourselves for the rest of the evening. How does that sound, babe?”

“Fine, but they better be gone by ten.” He states. I nod and lead him towards the elevator.

The introductions were awkward. Jamie was slightly rude and I could tell the boys noticed and didn’t much like him. It was nearing ten and Jamie looks at his watch and then sends me a look and I know it is time for me to ask the boys to leave.

They agree and pull me in for a hug and tell me that they will meet me in the lobby at 9:30 tomorrow morning so that we can ride over to Wembley together. I tell them that I will see them down there and say goodnight. As soon as the door closes, I feel Jamie grab the back of my head by my hair. He tugs me back and tosses me onto the bed. He sits on my waist and one of his hands presses down hard on my chest and the other grabs my face. I am scared.

“What did I tell you about letting other guys touch you? You were all over them, you slut. You are mine remember?” He then slaps me across the face. He jumps from the bed and sits in the corner at the table. I hold onto my cheek. It is currently stinging and feels hot to the touch. I let a few tears fall and curl up into a ball on the bed. After a few minutes I feel the bed dip beside me and I feel Jamie’s arms wrap around me. He turns my body to face his. He presses light kisses to my face and strokes my hair in a comforting fashion.

“I’m sorry, baby. But you know how I get when other guys touch you. You need to be more careful so that you won’t make me upset.” He says in a very soft and caring tone. “I love you, Niall but you belong to me and only me. Do you understand?” He states, again in a soft manner and waits for my reply. This is all so confusing for me. How can I go from being scared of him one minute to being completely soothed and comforted by him the next?

“Yes. I understand. I’m sorry I got you upset.” I whimper out. He smiles and kisses my lips.

“Now, tell me you love me” He says and holds my face firmly.

“I love you, Jamie.” I reply and he begins to kiss me.

My alarm goes off at six am. It was Thursday morning and Jamie had to get back to his place so that he can get ready for work. He manages a small marketing firm. He has been working there ever since he got back from Ireland. I walk him to the door. He holds me against the wall and forcefully kisses me goodbye.

“Remember, Ni. You are mine, right?”

“Yes, baby. I’m yours.”

“Good. Call me when you make it through to judges’ houses babe. I know you will!” He says sweetly and I smile. I kiss him again and he leaves.

I walk into the bathroom to look in the mirror. There is no evidence of him slapping me last night which I am glad about. At least I won’t have to make up another lie.

I sit on the cold tile floor of the bathroom and just begin to cry. Why do I continue to let this go on? Why and I allowing him to do this to me. He is so sweet one minute, bringing me flowers, telling me he loves me, saying that he knows I’ll make it to judges’ houses, but at the same time, he hits, slaps and yells at me. He is possessive and controlling. I know I need to put a stop to this, but I don’t know how. I’m going home tomorrow morning, so at least I’ll be away from him. It will give me time to think about all of this; I’ll be able to clear my head. I decide to get up and take a long, hot, steamy bath.

I pack all of my stuff in my room and get ready to leave. We have to check out of the hotel this morning so we have to bring all of our luggage and other belongings with us to Wembley. I’ll be staying at Jamie’s tonight and he will be bringing me to the airport tomorrow morning. I meet Liam and Zayn in the lobby and we leave for the stadium.

All of the remaining contestants are sitting in the seats and the judges make their way across the stage. 

“Good morning” Harry says and waves to all of us. His eyes linger on me and he smiles, I return it.

“So here is how today will work” Simon says, getting right down to business. “All of you will gather in your respective categories and wait back stage. Each group will be called onto the stage and the names of the people who will be going to judges’ houses will be called. There will be eight people or acts from each group. Let’s get started shall we?” He finishes and everyone rises and all walk towards the back. Harry sends me a wink as I am leaving, I smile back and secretively wave.

“Ok, now I know Harry Styles just winked at you.” Liam whispered in my ear as we joined the boys’ category back stage. “Yeah, ok” I responded, just basically blowing off his statement but silently thinking that Harry needs to start being a little more careful.

The groups are called to the stage first. We don’t see who makes it through however because when they exit the stage they are sent into a holding room. The cameras want to do this whole big thing that all of the people and acts that are put through all celebrate in a room together. The people or acts that don’t make it are sent into another direction for interviews or whatever. I know that I certainly don’t want to be interviewed if I don’t make it.

The girls are next, then the over twenty-fives. Finally they call the boys onto the stage. There are about twenty five of us remaining. Liam, Zayn and I are huddled in close to one another, each of us crossing our fingers and nervously awaiting our fate.

“You all did really well, but there were some people who stood out from all of the rest. So I am going to read off the names. To those of you who don’t make it, we hope you practice your craft and maybe we will see you back here next year.” Simon states and then looks at a stack of papers in front of him. I look at Harry and he smiles.

Simon calls out the first name.

 

“John Quimby…..Aaron Shields……Zayn Malik……” We hugged Zayn and he said good luck to Liam and me before he exited the stage.

“……Niall Horan……”Oh my god he just called my name. I am in shock and Liam nudges me and grabs my shoulders. “You made it, Ni.” I hugged Liam and quickly exited the stage, but not before first smiling and winking at Harry.

I hugged Zayn as soon as I saw him and we congratulated each other and held hands tight, both silently hoping that we would see Liam come down the steps next. A guy named Alex came down after me. Then another guy, I think Ryan is his name. The seventh person was this kid named Luke. Nobody really liked him. He was a bit full of himself but he could really sing, I’ll give him that. “I never had a doubt” he smugly said. Zayn and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. We then turned our attention to the stairs, hoping Liam would be the last to make it through.

To our relief, he came running down the stairs and into our arms. “I made it!” He exclaimed. We all hugged tightly. “We made it!” Zayn said. “I gotta call my parents” Liam stated with a smile and pulled away. Zayn and I decided to do the same thing. We all stayed close to one another and made our calls.

I called my parents first and they screamed in excitement. They told me that as soon as I get home we are going out to celebrate. I told them that I loved them and that I would see them tomorrow afternoon. I then called Jamie, like I said I would.

“Hello” He answered.

“Jamie….I made it! I did it, babe! I am going to judges’ houses” I beamed.

“That’s so great, Ni. I am really happy for you, babe. I knew you would make it.”

“Thanks. But I have to go. They are going to give us the information about what’s going to happen next and stuff. But I’ll see you in a few hours right?”

“Yea. I’ll be at Wembley to pick you up by five thirty. Are you sure you don’t just want to take a taxi to my job and wait in my office for me to finish working and then we can go back to my place together.”

“No it’s fine. We will be finished here by, I would say two-ish and then I can just walk over to the café near here and get a bite to eat and then I’ll meet you out front at five thirty.”

“Ok. Well I’ll see you soon. I am really happy for you, Ni. I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye, babe.”

“Bye” He said and then the conversation ended. This is how talking with him should go. I told him I loved him without a second thought because he was the Jamie that I think I could love. He was his sweet self that I first met. I hope that this evening will be just a good.

Liam, Zayn and I all made it back over to each other and hugged again. We pulled away to see a camera crew in our faces. The host of the show, Dermot O’Leary, came over to us and began asking us what our thoughts were. We all stood in a line and had our arms around each others’ back or waist.

Each of us told him that we were excited and happy to be moving on. He commented on our close proximity to each other. Zayn, standing in the middle, placed a quick peck on mine and Liam’s cheek and said that we have developed quite a good friendship over the past couple of days and were glad we all made it through together. Liam and I nodded and agreed with Zayn’s statement. He wished us good luck and we smiled once more for the cameras.

After all of the contestants that made it through were brought together in a small conference room, we all hugged each other and celebrated. All of this was caught on cameras for television. After about a half hour we were all called back to the auditorium to discuss the next steps.

We were told that in a couple weeks we would get our plane tickets in the mail that will show our destination. We will also receive the hotel and other logistics pertinent to our stay. We will not find out who our mentor will be until we arrive at the house. We would have to prepare a song to sing for the judge and that our arrangement of the song could not be longer than a minute and a half.

“Now I expect you to do your absolute best. You have just about a month to practice whatever song you choose before judges’ houses so there should not be an excuse of not being prepared.” Simon stated firmly.

“But as always, just try your best and have fun” Harry added and the other judges smiled. Simon rolled his eyes but displayed a half smile at Harry’s statement. We were all then dismissed. 

Liam, Zayn and I were saying goodbye to each other. But I knew that we would talk in between now and judges’ houses. They began to depart, walking away from me, in opposite directions. I waved at both and made my way back inside to get my things. I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket.

To: Niall

Meet me in the same room as yesterday! ;) xx 

Harry’s text made me smile. I began to walk down the corridor to the office he pulled me into yesterday. I have to admit that I get butterflies in my stomach when I see him. I obviously still have a crush on the extremely hot singer. The dream would be kissing him and being in his arms but the reality is that that wouldn’t happen. I have Jamie and he makes me happy, sometimes. I shouldn’t wait around for a fantasy to come true when I have a guy willing to give me love right now. 

I make it to the door, look around real quick and when I am satisfied that no one is around, I enter the unused office. Harry isn’t here yet so I clean off a desk that is in the corner and take a seat on it and wait. Five minutes later the door begins to open.

Harry smiles at me as soon as he is in the room. He closes the door and locks it behind him. He is over to me within a few seconds and stands between my legs; I am still sitting on the desk. He leans over to pull me into a hug. I hug him back tightly. His arms are wrapped around my neck and mine around his waist. My face is pressed into the crook of his neck and I can feel his face pressed against the side of my head, with his lips snug against my left ear. We stay like that for a few minutes. It feels right but at the same time I am thinking about what Jamie would say if he were to see this. The thought makes me begin to pull away. He stands back upright and looks into my eyes and smiles.

“I knew you would make it through. Of course you had my vote from the beginning, but all of the other judges really liked you to. There wasn’t even much of a discussion whether to put you through or not. It was a unanimous decision to put you through.” He stated and sat in a chair that was right across from the desk.

“Wow. That makes me feel good” I replied and smiled back at him. “So do you know which group you will be mentoring?” I ask, hoping he will answer if he knows.

“No. I won’t find out for a few weeks. But even when I do, I’m not gonna tell you and ruin the surprise!”

“Oh, c’mon, please?” I beg and give him my best puppy dog eyes. He chuckles.

“It doesn’t matter how much of a cute face you make, Niall. I still won’t tell you.” I slightly blush and look down at my feet. He just called my face cute. I hear his chair move across the floor slightly. I then see his feet standing right in front of me. He places his hand under my chin and raises my face to meet his. I nervously bite my lip. What exactly is going on here? He is looking directly into my eyes and I am looking into his. This can’t be happening. This feels like a moment where two people would end up kissing but no way can this really be happening to me. 

I hold my breath, too nervous to even breathe. He brings his hand up to caress my face, or so I thought. He then pulled something from my hair. He holds it in front of me between his thumb and index finger.

“You had fuzz in your hair” He whispers and blows it from his fingers’ grasp. I breathe out, releasing my bottom lip from my teeth. He returns to his seat.

“So when is your flight?” I hear him say something but I am still too overwhelmed by what just happened. I honestly thought he was going to kiss me. I shake the thought away and try to focus on what he just said.

“What?” I ask. He smiles.

“What time is your flight back to Ireland?”

“Oh. It’s not until tomorrow morning.” I reply finally coming back to my senses.

“Where will you stay until then? You had to check out of the hotel this morning.”He said with concern in his voice.

“Jamie will be here to pick me up at five thirty when he finishes with work and then I’ll be staying at his flat for the night. He is bringing me to the airport tomorrow morning.”

“Oh” was his only reply. He looked as if he wanted to say something else so I waited. “He doesn’t seem like a nice guy, Niall.”

“Harry, please don’t”

“No. I don’t mean to say anything bad. It’s just that I think you can do better.”

“He loves me.”

“Loves you enough to give you a bruise.” He mumbles under his breath but I heard him clearly. I hop off the desk. Harry stands up from his chair and stands in front of me.

“Harry, just forget about that. He didn’t mean it. He was sorry. He apologized. I’m fine really. Please don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not fine, Niall. You don’t deserve that.”

“Please Harry, just drop it, ok. For me?” He held onto my wrist and pulled my body close to his and just held me. We stood there in an embrace for a few moments until we heard a slight knock on the door. We pulled away from each other.

“Don’t worry. It’s just Lou.” I nodded and Harry walked over to the door and unlocked it. Sure enough, Lou stepped into the room.

“Hi Niall” Lou said and gave me a hug. “Congrats on making it through boot camp”

“Thanks, Lou” I replied and pulled away from the hug.

“They need you for a meeting Haz.” Lou said to Harry and Harry nodded.

“Hopefully I’ll see you for the live shows. Bye” Lou said before exiting the room. I said goodbye and Harry once again closed and locked the door.

“I guess I have to go now. I’m gonna miss you. Hopefully I get the boys’ category that way I can be your mentor.”

“Yea, that would be great. I’ll miss you too. Thanks for everything Harry.” He holds out his arms and I step into them. He pulls me in close and places a kiss just below my ear, on a very sensitive spot on my neck. I have to bite back a moan but I know that I can’t hide my body tensing under his soft touch. We pull away from each other; Harry has a hold of my arms.

“Please be careful, Niall.” He says and I don’t have to ask him what he means by that. I already know he is referencing Jamie. “Call me if you need anything, ok?”

“Ok. Hopefully I’ll see you in a few weeks” I reply. We hug once more. 

“Bye” He says and opens the door to exit our secret space. “Bye” I respond and close the door behind him. I take a seat; the one that he has been sitting in. Are we developing something? Does he have some feelings towards me that are more than friendly? I had this same feeling when I first met Jamie. I think I can tell when a guy is showing some sort of interest in me. But this is Harry Styles. I really don’t think he is gay or bi, but maybe I am wrong. I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. I have a boyfriend. One that says he loves me. One that, yes, has some jealousy and anger issues but he makes up for it, kind of. God, why the hell am I still trying to make excuses for his behavior? It isn’t right and I know that. I gather my belongings and walk in the direction of the main exit out of the arena.

I get something to eat at the café a block down the road and then return to the front of Wembley just after five. Jamie is not late today. He arrives at five thirty on the nose. He is smiling and happy and holds me in a tight embrace and then kisses me with a lot of passion and I am soon swept up in his current kindness. “Ready to go, babe?” He asks and takes my suitcase from me. “Yes” I smile and we make our way to his car. 

Jamie and I have a wonderful and romantic dinner. He cooked for me and set up the table with candles and was so sweet throughout the meal and desert. We cuddled on the couch after and watched a movie. Around ten we decided that we should go to bed. I had to be at the airport by seven and he had to be to work by eight for a meeting. 

We stripped down to our boxers and cuddled up under the covers. His right hand was running up and down my left side. I leaned in to kiss his lips. He pulled away after a few moments.

“Can we?” He asked. He has been so sweet all night and he was really sweet on the phone this afternoon. Maybe I should give him what he has been wanting. Maybe he is changing. Maybe he realized what he was doing wrong. I gave in and said yes.

I woke up the next morning to Jamie’s alarm. He groaned and covered his face with his pillow. I smiled at how cute that was. I reached over him and turned the alarm off. Jamie was lying on his stomach with one hand under his head and the other on top of the pillow, now covering his face. I curled up next to him and place my head on his back, just on top of his left shoulder blade. I placed a kiss on his skin and began grazing my right hand’s fingers over his back in swirling formations. I silently lay there and think about how amazing last night was.

He was gentle. He was loving. He made sure I was ok throughout the whole thing. He entered me with care and kissed away the few tears that left my eyes with his lips. The orgasm was like nothing I have ever felt before. Sure I have pleasured myself, but damn. This was twenty times better. I do feel sore this morning but that will go away soon. I may have had my reservations about giving him my virginity but last night was so perfect. I had no regrets.

“Jesus, Niall. Stop. I’m trying to sleep. Get off me” He yelled and jostled his back to make me stop caressing it and I removed myself from the comfort and warmth of his body. I slide over to the edge of the other side of the bed. A few tears form in my eyes. I guess last night was too good to be true.

“Jamie we have to get up and get ready. I have to be to the airport in an hour.” I said sheepishly, afraid of what his reaction might be. He mumbled something but I couldn’t hear it through the pillow that was still over his head. He tossed the pillow onto the floor.

“Fine. I’m up.” He said groggily and rolled over to face me. “Come on. We’re taking a shower.” I knew it was a demand, so I followed him to the bathroom. We were still naked from last night and we both stepped under the warm water of the shower. 

We had sex again. I was still sore and sadly he wasn’t as gentle; saying I didn’t need prep because I was already stretched from last night. I did release but it wasn’t as good as the first. As soon as he came down from his high, he pulled out and began to shower himself. I was standing at the back of the shower freezing; not getting any of the warm water. He finished cleaning himself and turned to me and told me to hurry up. He stepped out of the shower and I heard the bathroom door close a moment later. 

I moved under the shower and let the water run over my lowered head, down over my hair and over my face so the water mixed with the tears that were falling from my eyes. I turned the water temperature to as hot as I could stand and let the heat relax my sore muscles. I washed myself clean and stepped out into the cold bathroom.

We pulled up in front of the departure section of the airport. Jamie said that he couldn’t go in with me so he was just going to drop me off curbside. He leaned over and gave me a hug and kissed my lips softly, to my surprise. He pulled away and leaned his head on my mine.

“I’m gonna miss you, babe. Thank you for last night and this morning. It was perfect” He said and ran his hand over my cheek.

“I’ll miss you too. I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Ok. I love you.” He said and kissed my lips once more.

“Love you too.” I replied and opened the car door. I pulled my stuff from the back of his car. “Bye” he waved. “Bye” I shut the door and pulled away.

I turned and walked into the airport. I'm glad to be going home.

 

I walked down the long corridor of the terminal. I was exhausted from not only boot camp, but my roller coaster of a relationship. I make it past the gate to the main area where people are joining up with their loved ones. I scan the crowd to locate my parents and soon spot them in a corner, apparently looking for me as well. Our eyes make contact. My parents smile big and I can see a few tears leave my mum’s eyes. I walk briskly over to them and into their embrace. It feels good to be home.

I threw my suitcase in my closet, not wanting to remove the items from it yet. I placed my guitar by its stand and flopped down on my bed, face first, and buried my head into the comfort of my pillow. 

With my face still partially buried, I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone and brought it up to my face so I can see the screen with my left eye, my right eye pressed into the mattress. I quickly texted Jamie telling him that I was home. He replied a few minutes later telling me that he loved me and would call me later today. I gently threw my phone down to the end of the bed and allowed my exhaustion to bring me to a peaceful slumber.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep but I could tell that it wasn’t nearly as long as I had wanted. Not really wanting to move, I used my foot to slide the phone up within the reach of my hand. I grabbed the still ringing phone and without looking at the screen, I accepted the call and held it to my ear.

“Hello” I groaned.

“Were you sleeping? I’m sorry” the voice on the other end stated apologetically. I was still half asleep and couldn’t tell who it was but I continued on with the conversation.

“No. It’s fine.” I replied.

“Ok. Good. I just wanted to hear your voice.” Then it clicked.

“Harry?” I asked.

“Yes, crazy.” He chuckled. “I’m hurt you didn’t know it was me.” He joked. I began to come to my senses. I sat up right in my bed and kind of shook the sleep off wanting to give Harry my full attention.

“Sorry. I was asleep and it takes me a few minutes to wake up. How are you?”

“Good. Just bored and wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh…um…ok.”

“So…how was your flight?”

“Good…it was good. Slept most of it and then as soon as I got home I came right up to my bed to sleep some more. I guess boot camp really took a lot out of me.”

“You did great though.” He commented I said thanks and then there was a long pause. I guess neither of us really knew what to say next.

“So….um…I’ll be in Dublin in two weeks. I have a concert. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go?”

“Yea! I loved to! That would be so amazing. Thank you so much” I exclaimed. I have always wanted to see Harry in concert but his shows were always sold out before I could get tickets. 

“We could maybe hang out afterward…I mean…if you wanted to” He said sounding like he was nervous.

“Oh….yea..that would be cool.” I replied hesitantly. I would have to keep that from Jamie for sure.

“Grea-“ He began to say and then a thought came to my head and I cut him off.

“Wait…what if someone sees us hanging out? Wouldn’t you get in trouble and I certainly don’t want to lose my spot in the x-factor.”

“Right. Well, you going to the concert wouldn’t be any harm. I mean no one can say anything about that….so…..um…oh! I got it. How about you come to the concert. I’ll send you the tickets in the mail. I am going to be in Dublin for a few days so I decided to rent a home instead of staying in a hotel. After the concert you could take a taxi to the house and we could hang out. No one but my team knows about the house I rented and we would be arriving separately so it shouldn’t be a big deal. What do you say?”

I think about what he is really asking me. He wants the two of us to hang out at his house. Will we be alone? I smile at the thought.

“Sure. That sounds like it could work.” I reply. I then hear a beep in my ear. It is an alert telling me that someone is calling. I look at the screen and see that it’s Jamie.

“Hey, um…Jamie is calling so I need to go. He’ll get mad if I don’t pick up.” Shit why did I say that last part.

“Oh. Ok. Well I’ll probably text you later or tomorrow. Bye” Harry said and hung up the phone before I could say goodbye. The alert beep went off again. I pushed aside the hurt of Harry basically hanging up on me and answered Jamie’s call.

Of course Jamie yelled at me for taking so long to answer the phone. I lied and said that I was on the phone with my grandmother and ended the call as soon as I could. I don’t see why he is so mad. I answered the freaking call. I am not sure how much of this I can take. We talked for a few more minutes about his day and my flight home and he said that he plans on coming up to see me in a few weeks. I tell him how great that will be, even though I am not completely on board with the idea. The conversation ends on a good note and he says he love me. I reply ‘you too’, not wanting to fully say the words. He didn’t seem to mind. We said goodbye just as my mother came into my room to tell me to clean up for dinner.

“We are having a family barbeque tomorrow afternoon, darling.” Mum said as we were eating dinner.

“Ok” I replied. “What for?”

“To celebrate you making it to judges’ houses of course!” She responded and my parents smiled warmly at me.

“Why don’t you invite your friends too, son. I am sure they would love to celebrate with you as well.” Dad added. I nodded, unable to reply because my mouth was currently housing food.

The barbeque was just what I needed. I didn’t realize how much I missed being around my family and friends. Every time I am around them they just have this way of calming me down and making me feel better even when I didn’t know I was feeling bad. However, on this occasion, I was feeling bad.

I had an especially difficult Friday night and it began after dinner with my parents. I called all my friends like my father suggested and they all agreed to come to the barbeque. Harry and I texted a little bit back and forth. He sent me a couple links to some funny YouTube videos. We had a good laugh about those. My night had started off really great, until I accepted a call from Jamie around eight.

I could tell in his voice that he was drunk and that has never been a great combination; drunk Jamie and speaking to him.

First he went on and on how he loved me. It was sweet. Then he started making comments about all the things he wants to do to my body. I kind of liked where the conversation seemed to be going. I told him that I couldn’t talk long because I had to be up early to help my parents set up for our family. He asked who was all going to be there and after I named which family members were coming, I started riddling off my friends’ names. He immediately went silent and I heard him intake his breath and then the yelling began. I took the yelling and the insults about me slutting around for a little while and then for some reason I snapped. I told him that I was done and didn’t want to deal with this anymore. I hung up and felt relieved. I actually ended things, or so I thought.

He called about twenty times, texted a lot but I ignored them all; all but one; one that made me immediately call him. He told me that he would book a flight and be at my house tomorrow. I knew he would do it, too. So I ended up calling and somehow, I ended up apologizing and the conversation ended with us exchanging ‘love yous’ and him wishing me sweet dreams.

I spoke with Jamie a few times on Saturday; before, during and after the family gathering. I always made sure to keep him happy on the phone, not wanting a repeat of last night. I decided that it was just best to do what he wanted. I could easily lie through the phone.

Saturday night he tried having phone sex with me. I was still put off and the things that he was saying weren’t turning me on, but I faked it. I could hear him clearly having a good time on the other end of the line and I moaned and called his name and told him how amazing he was just to help him along. He thought I was taking care of myself too, but really I was looking through a magazine.

After our ‘phone sex’ I wanted just to go to bed. I decided that tomorrow is when I will begin to search for the perfect song for me to sing at judges’ houses. My phone buzzed the moment that I closed my eyes. I groaned at the thought that it could be Jamie. I honestly wanted to ignore it but I knew if I did that, I would be in for some yelling when I talked to him next. I picked up my phone and smiled.

To: Niall

Just wanted to say goodnight. I sent the tickets out this morning so you should have them by Wednesday. xx 

To: Hxx

Thank you so much. I’m really looking forward to the concert.

To: Niall

I’m looking forward to seeing you ;)

Oh God. Why does he do this to me?

To: Hxx

Me too. Have a good night!

That was all I could reply. I wanted to ask if he was flirting with me. I wanted to flirt back. I wanted to do many things but I couldn’t.

To: Niall

Good night! xx 

I set my phone back on the night stand and fell asleep not long after.

 

All day Sunday I spent basically locked in my room; only coming out for food and water. I had a short conversation with Jamie; luckily it was a happy one. I also texted back and forth with Harry a bit, as well as Liam, Zayn and even Colin. My main focus for today was to choose the song that I would sing for which ever judge that boys’ category was paired with.

I went through all of the songs on my ipod. I looked through Billboard top 100 lists. I even ran through YouTube videos. I wanted a song that could show my vocal range but it couldn’t be a safe song. I needed it to be a song that I could also put my spin on it. I finally had it narrowed down to three songs. The first being ‘Drop In The Ocean’ by Ron Pope. It is a beautiful song and I know I can sing it really well. The second is a classic REO Speedwagon song; ‘Keep On Loving You’. I mean really, who doesn’t love some REO Speedwagon. And the third is ‘Boston’ by Augustana. I absolutely love that song and it can show that I can sing in my normal lower to middle range but that I can also sing in a slightly higher range as well. 

I decided that I would play each song for my parents and get their opinion. I had to make a decision by the middle of the week because I had to inform the show producers what song I wanted to sing and they would have to ok it. With this all being televised, they legally had to clear it through the record labels.

My parents were in the living room watching television. I came down, guitar in hand and sat on the coffee table.

“Can you guys tell me which song you like best” I asked. They smiled. My dad reached for the remote and turned off the television so I would get their undivided attention.

“Of course honey. What is this for?”

“Well I have to pick a song to sing at judges’ houses and I have narrowed it down to three and I would like for you to tell your opinions on each song. I’ll just sing through like the first verse and chorus of each song.” They nodded and I began singing all three songs back to back. I wanted them to hear each song before they formulated an opinion. After I finished the last song, I looked up at them and waited.

“Oh sweetheart. You are amazing.” Mum said and brushed a few tears off of her face.

“Mum…now is not a time to get weepy. You know I can sing, but you cry every time.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know, baby. But I am over whelmed each time.”

“Well which song did you like best?” I looked back and forth between them waiting for their reply.

“I think you did perfect on all of them, but I think my favorite was the second one you sang. You sounded the best on that one.” Dad commented and I smiled.

“I have to agree with your father, dear. I liked the second song the best, as well” She smiled. 

“Thanks” I exclaimed and hugged them both and went back to my room. 

I felt like I had really accomplished a lot today. Yes I know that I only chose a song to sing but this was an important choice. The song had to be perfect. This would either get me to the live shows or get me sent home and I really didn’t want to be sent home. 

I was so happy and I knew who I wanted to share my happiness with. I pulled out my phone and began to type a message.

To: Hxx

So…guess what I just did?!?!

I waited like ten minutes for a reply.

To: Niall

Broke up with Jamie!

I frowned at that reply.

To: Hxx

No. Jamie is still my boyfriend. Now don’t ruin my good mood…do you want to know or not?

To: Niall

Sorry. What did you just do?

To: Hxx

It’s ok. You are forgiven ;) anyway….I chose the song that I am going to sing at judges’ houses. Hopefully it will get approved. I’m excited!

To: Niall

That’s great! I’m happy for you. And I wouldn’t worry about it not getting approved. Like 99% of the songs are always approved…or so I heard. What song did you choose?

To: Hxx

Glad to hear that. And I’m not telling. If your aren’t my ‘judge’ you won’t find out until it is shown on tv!

To: Niall

Oh, come on….please…pretty please…with sugar or whatever you want on top ;)

Oh my holy. I am completely blushing right now.

To: Hxx

Nope. Not even with ‘whatever’ on top! ;)

Did I just really send that? Am I really flirting with Harry? It does feel kind of good, if I’m being honest.

To: Niall

Ok. I’m sad : ( but it’s fine. Anyway….I have to go. But let me know when you get the tickets, ok?

To: Hxx

Will do!! Have a good evening!

To: Niall

You too, babe! xx 

He just called me babe. I reread the text about five times. How could one word get me feeling like this? I have a boyfriend. I shouldn’t allow myself to start having feelings for someone else. But it’s Harry. The guy that I have had a crush on since I was like thirteen. And I can’t help but think that he is acting like he might have a little thing for me too. I mean everything is adding up a bit. The phone calls, texts, our secret time in the old office, the way he winks, the way he flirts. I have to push these feelings aside. I can’t do anything that would jeopardize my chances in the x-factor. I need to be happy with Jamie. I need to force myself to be happy with Jamie.

I feel myself coming down from my high of choosing my song. I can’t let that happen. I have to stay upbeat. I pull up the song on my ipod and listen to it over and over and at some point I fell asleep.

On Wednesday I called the show producers as instructed and told them of my song choice and they said they would check into it and have it approved or not approved by Friday. I also received the tickets that Harry sent to me. Of course he would send me front row seats. I had two tickets and decided that I would see if Greg would go with me. He wasn’t necessarily a fan of Harry’s music, but I am pretty sure he would go just for some brotherly bonding. I texted Harry and thanked him for the tickets and he again gave me some flirty reply. I pushed it away and tried not to read too much into it.

Jamie and I have had a good couple of days. He only got angry with me once, so I considered that a victory. Sad, I know.

By Friday I got the call from the producers saying that my song was approved. I felt relieved and I would now be able to arrange the song how I wanted to get the most out of the ninety seconds I was allowed to sing.

Greg said that he would come with me to the concert. He would drive us there and I told him that I would be taking a taxi to Harry’s after, so he could just go home without me. Greg, like the big brother that he is, teased me a bit. I told him multiple times that Harry and I are just friends and that I have a boyfriend. 

The following week I have been spending most of my time practicing my song, getting the arrangement perfect. I feel good already and I still have a few more weeks before I leave for judges’ houses.

Jamie sent me flowers on Tuesday and when I called to thank him he got angry because he didn’t think I thanked him properly and that I was being unappreciative. It was so ridiculous. Greg happened to be near me when that conversation took place and he certainly wasn’t happy when he could hear the things Jaime was yelling to me.

It was now Friday, the day of the concert. I received a text from Harry last night saying he landed in Dublin and it bothered him that I was so close but couldn’t see me until tomorrow night. I smiled when I read the text, but didn’t respond.

I was sitting in my room, mindlessly browsing the internet, needing a break from singing when my mum came into my room with a large manila envelope. She smiled and handed it to me.

“It’s from the x-factor. It’s probably telling me where I am going for judges’ houses.” I exclaimed.

“Well open it” She replied and sat next to me on my bed.

I tore off the top and slid my hand into the envelope and pulled out its contents. I began to read.

“Oh my God! I’m going to New York!”

“What!? Oh Sweetheart…that’s so far away.” Mum said slightly saddened. I hugged her.

“It’s ok mum. I’m only going to be gone like three days. Look. See it says right there.” I point to the itinerary. “I’ll leave out of Dublin on the thirteenth of August and I’ll be back on the sixteenth. I’ll be fine and I’ll call you every day.”

“I know, darling. I’m happy for you. I just don’t like my baby being so far away.” I kissed her cheek and held her for a few more moments. She patted my knee and stood up.

“Well, I’ll leave you to whatever you were doing. What time are you and Greg leaving for the concert?”

“At six. The concert begins at like eight thirty. You’re ok with me staying the night at Harry’s right?”

“Yes, darling. Its fine. Just be home before dinner tomorrow.” I smiled. She kissed my head and then headed back down stairs.

Wow. New York.

 

~Harry’s POV~

“Lou……I’m so nervous.” Louis just rolled his eyes as he listened to me. He was currently going through my wardrobe for the show tonight.

“You’ve done hundreds of shows Harry. This one is no different.”

“Yes. Niall is going to be in the front row. He gives me butterflies. I just wish he didn’t have that horrid boyfriend of his.” I pout.

“You don’t even know the guy. You’re just mad that Niall isn’t single.”He said and poked me in the ribs. I swatted his hand away.

“No…well…yes, I’d prefer him to be single….but…..that Jamie guy is seriously bad news. You know that he gave Niall a bruise? He is also always demanding that he have all of Niall’s time.”

“You just want him for yourself so no one that Niall is with will ever be good enough in your eyes, Haz.”

“Actually, I think anyone would be better for Niall than that twat.” I huffed.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. You can’t do anything about your little crush on him. You could get kicked off the show and you could get Niall kicked out too. You wouldn’t want to ruin his dream would you?”

I thought about what Lou had just said. I know he is right. I don’t want to ruin Niall’s chances. That is why I have remained just friends with him. I know that even if he was single, I couldn’t start anything with him because of the show, but I really do just want to be near him.

“No….I know.” I said sadly. Louis patted me on the back and handed me my jeans. I began to get ready for the show.

“Hello Dublin!” I addressed the crowd. They cheered. I scanned the front row and immediately saw him. I smiled and he returned it. Who was that guy sitting next to him? He looks familiar. Oh right, his brother.

“Shall we get started then? Are you ready to have some fun?” More cheering. I then began to sing my opening song.

The concert was great. There was so much energy in the crowds. It really makes what I do fun. I feed off the excitement while I am performing. I do have to admit that Niall got a lot of my attention. I just couldn’t keep my eyes from wandering over to him. He looked so good in his jeans and tee shirt. He wasn’t wearing his signature snapback which I was glad about. Not that I didn’t like him wearing a hat cause believe me he looks hot in one, but it was nice to see his blonde hair tousled, looking like it wasn’t styled at all.

After the concert I texted Niall and told him that I would get to my house in about an hour. I told him where I put a spare key for him to be able to get into the rental. He said that he would be there in a half hour and that he would just watch some tv and wait.

I would normally hang around the venue for a while after the concert but I obviously couldn’t tonight. I said hello to the people back stage, chatted for a few minutes and took my leave shortly after; giving everyone the excuse that I wasn’t feeling very well and was really tired. Lou smirked at me. He knew that I had Niall waiting. I hugged Lou goodbye and he whispered in my ear telling me to be smart. I knew what he was referring to. I nodded and got out of the arena and into my car and excitedly drove back to the rental house to see Niall.

“Honey, I’m home!” I joked as I opened the front door and closed it behind me.

“Haha, very funny” I hear coming from the living room. I walk toward the voice and see Niall standing up from the couch to greet me. I toss my jacket on the back of the couch and pull him into a long embrace. We kind of slightly swayed back and forth. I wanted to kiss him but I knew I couldn’t.

We pulled away after a minute or so. “It’s good to see you again” He said with a smile and made his way back over to the couch. I joined him only seconds later.

“You too. I missed ya” I replied and ruffled his hair. He groaned and shook his head, trying to get my hands out of his hair.

“Why must you play with my hair so much?” He chuckled and sort of fixed what I had just messed.

“I happen to like touching your hair. It’s always so soft.” I smirked. He sat cross legged on the couch, as well as I. We were both turned inward toward each other. We stared at one another for a few moments, and then his phone rang breaking us both out of our dazes.

“Hello……hi babe…..” I knew right away who he was talking to. I tried to look like I was paying attention to the tv, but I was secretively listening in.

“…..yes……yea it was good. I had a lot of fun…….No……Jamie don’t be like that……” I heard the other voice get louder. Niall began looking upset. Without thinking I began to rub my hand over his lower thigh, trying to provide comfort while his boyfriend was yelling at him.

“…….I just got home…….Jamie really, come on………ok I’m sorry…….yes I mean it……..alright , I’m really sorry………yes, I love you too…….ok…….yup, I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon…..yes, I promise…….I know…..yup. Goodnight……Bye” Niall ended the call and placed his phone back on the coffee table in front of the couch. He looked up at me, took a breath and then just began to cry.

I pulled him into my chest and held him tight. I caressed his back and hummed a calming tune into his ear. He continued crying for a few more minutes and then began to settle down. After another minute or so his crying had ceased and he sat up from my embrace. He wiped the remaining tears from his face and took a few deep breaths before looking at me again.

“I’m really sorry” He said.

“Don’t apologize, Niall. It’s not your fault. I just don’t understand why you let him treat you like that.”

“I know. I know I should break up with him and I tried after I got back home from boot camp, but he threatened that he would fly up here to get me back. I know he is completely serious. I’m just kind of scared of what he might do.”

“I won’t let him touch you.” I stated firmly.

“Harry you aren’t around night and day. You can’t protect me.”

“But I want to” I said quietly and ran my hand across his cheek and down over his neck. He leaned into my touch. My hand eventually came to rest on his hip. He looked into my eyes and I looked back into his. I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I started to lean in. I felt his hand on one of my thighs and his other hand slowly made its way around my waist. I continued to lean in; getting closer and closer. He leaned the rest of the way and our lips softly touched.

We stayed still for a few seconds but I moved my bottom lip slightly. I felt his head tilt and he began to move his lips on top of mine.

I moved one of my hands up to hold him around the back of his neck, pulling him in closer to me. He allowed this movement. I gently tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth. He let out a soft moan and I eased my tongue into his mouth, first running it over his braces. He nudged his tongue against mine and we began massaging each other’s tongues.

His hand found its way under the hem of my shirt and his fingers began leaving chills over my entire body as he caressed circular patters over my abs and chest. I moaned at the amazing feeling. I got up from my seated position, never taking my lips off of his and began to hover over his body, gently lowering him to lie down on the couch. He untangled his legs and allowed me to lie in between them.

Another moan left his lips causing me to involuntarily push my growing erection into his. This caused him to moan louder. He ran his hands into my hair and I moved my lips from his and began to kiss down his jaw and onto his neck. He turned his head to the side, giving me better access.

He ran his hands down my neck and over my back and stopped at the hem of my shirt. He pulled it up and over my shoulder blades. I lifted my head from his neck, allowing him to remove my shirt completely. I brought my hands down to the bottom of his tee and slid it up over his chest. He arched his back and lifted his shoulders off the couch so that I could take it fully off.

He pulled me back down onto his bare chest and his hips bucked up into mine. I moaned and began to kiss his neck once more. I felt his hands run up my back and to my neck.

“Harry” he softly moaned and I pressed my hips down onto his. I felt his hands leave my neck and rest on the top of each shoulder. He let out a breathy moan. I then felt pressure against my shoulders. He was pushing them slightly down. I took the hint and began to slide my body down lower on his. My kisses left his neck and went over his collar bones; his hands still pushing my shoulders down gently. I made my way down his chest and over his stomach.

I traced my tongue across his pronounced and very sexy v-line. I held my body up above him with one of my hands placed next to his head. I brought my lips back up to meet his and with my free hand I began to undo the button on his jeans.

“mmhhh…yes…Harry” he breathed out in pleasure. That sent shivers down my spine. I undid his zipper. His fingers laced into my hair, tugging on it lightly.

“Ni….God….I want you so bad……” I whispered in his ear. “mmmmhhhhh” was his reply. I kissed my way back down his chest and hooked my fingers into his jeans. He lifted his hips allowing me to slide them down over his body. I pulled them all the way off and let them fall to the floor. I kissed up his right thigh, his hips bucked up and he moaned loudly. I began to slide my fingers into the top if his boxers and grip the elastic waist band. 

I hovered my face over his large erection and started to pull his boxers down. Just as the tip of my tongue grazed the head of his member his phone began to loudly ring causing us both to jump and pull apart. He sat up and fumbled around and reached for his phone; his breathing labored and jagged.

“Jesus” I heard him say in frustration.

“Hel-hello” He stuttered. “Yes, I was sleeping……..no it’s fine……..that’s good, babe……” He dropped his head onto his knees and ran his free hand into his hair. I sat up on the couch and waited for him to finish his conversation. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who he was talking to.

“Ok baby. I love you too. Good night” He gently placed the phone down and wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head into his arms. I sat quietly for a few moments and then slid down off the couch and moved right over next to his place on the floor.

“I shouldn’t have let it get that far, Harry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. We can’t do this.” He said in a hushed tone without looking up at me. I felt extremely bad.

“I’m sorry, Niall. I’m really sorry.” I ran my hand soothingly down his back. He lifted his head and turned his body slightly to face me.

“No. It’s not your fault. I should have stopped it. I just cheated on my boyfriend.” He whispered and a few tears began to escape his eyes. I wiped them away with the pad of my thumb.

“He’s not a nice guy, Ni.”

“That doesn’t mean he deserves to get cheated on” He replied and I nodded in response. 

“I just want you to know that I will keep this between us. You know I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know, Harry. I trust you.”

“Also…..Niall…..I….I have liked you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I know you have a boyfriend and I am sorry I caused you to cheat, but I am not sorry that I got to kiss your perfect lips and touch your amazing body. God, Niall….I’m just…I’m so attracted to you.” I ran my fingers up and down his sides. He smiles a little bit for the first time since the phone conversation with Jamie.

“I’ve had a crush on you since I was thirteen when I saw your first music video.” He chuckled.

“Oh God, that was horrible! That is like my least favorite video ever! I was what….eighteen I think. I didn’t really have a voice yet and I allowed people around me dictate how things were going to be done. I looked horrible. That’s actually why I hired Lou as my stylist. My best friend always did have an eye for fashion” I joked.

“Well I still liked you……and I really liked what just happened.” He leaned his body into mine.

“But I think we both know that we can’t do this. I don’t want to make you lose your x-factor job and I’m afraid to lose my spot….I’ve worked really hard to make it as far as I have and I don’t want to risk losing it. I’m really sorry, Harry.”

I placed a kiss on top of his head. “Hey, don’t apologize. I understand, Niall. Really I do. I certainly don’t want to do anything to jeopardize your chances. As much as I want you, I can keep this strictly friendly. I promise.” He looked up at me, smiled and then rested his head on my shoulder.

“How about we go to bed?” I asked. He nodded and we both got up from off the ground.

“This house only has one bedroom. Why don’t you take it and I’ll stay out here on the couch.” I offered.

“No, that’s alright” He said and took my hand and led me into the room. He closed the door behind us and led me over to the bed. He pulled back the covers and slid in and came to a rest in the middle of the mattress. My eyes never left his the entire time. I slowly undid my pants and lowered them off my hips and down my legs. Niall bit his bottom lip. I climbed in next to him and pressed my body against his. He wrapped his arm across my waist, his bottom lip still captured by his teeth.

“If I am going to be strictly friendly with you, Ni…you gotta stop biting that lip. Jesus you turn me on so much.” He softly smiled and released his lip.

“I know we can’t have any more than a friendship but I just want one night cuddled up into you.” He whispered and then leaned in towards me. He placed a soft, lingering kiss on my lips and then tucked his head into the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and it wasn’t long before I began to hear soft snores. I placed a kiss on his head and closed my eyes.

~Return To Niall's POV~

I woke up with the memories of last night still fresh in my mind. I knew I was still in Harry’s arms and I couldn’t feel more at ease. There is a comfort in his arms that I don’t find with anyone else. I know last night shouldn’t have happened but like Harry, I don’t regret it. Harry makes me realize that there is better out there. I may want to be with Harry but I know that is not a possibility. But I know that I do not have to stay in the unhappy and unhealthy relationship that I am currently in. I look up at Harry’s sleeping face; his lips slightly parted, and smile.

“Harry. Wake up.” I say and slightly shake his shoulder. He mumbles something incoherent and I snicker.

“Harry. Wake up. I’m hungry” He moans and pulls my body tighter to his.

“Harry. I need food!” I say and then as a last resort I flick the tip of his nose.

“Ow!” He groans and grabs his nose. His eyes slowly open to see my smiling and mischievous face.

“What cha’ do that for?” He asked, rubbing his nose. I laughed.

“I’m hungry. We should get up and go make breakfast.” I say and pull myself out from under his tight hold. I stand from the bed and stretch. I hear him whistle. I turn around and raise an eye brow at him. I half smile, give him a quick wink and then leave the room and head out to the kitchen.

I stop in the living room to put my jeans and shirt back on. I looked at the couch and flashback to how his lips felt trailing down my body. I took a deep breath, shook the thought from my mind and went into the kitchen and immediately over to the fridge. Harry joined me a few minutes later.

We cooked a delicious breakfast and sat down at the table to eat.

“So do you know who you will be mentoring?” I asked.

“Yes, actually.” He smiled and my eyes lit up.

“I found out on Wednesday but I’m not gonna tell you.” I stuck out my bottom lip and pouted.

“That isn’t going to work, so you might as well give it up” He stated with a smirk. I smiled and took another bite of my food. I wonder who he did get. I am hoping that he got the boys but another part of me is thinking that I may be too distracted by him to ever get any proper work done. I wouldn’t mind having Simon actually. I know he is intimidating but he knows his stuff.

We finished our breakfast and chilled on the couch for a couple hours just watching tv. I looked at the clock on the wall and thought I should get home. I have to call Jamie in about an hour.

“I should get going” I looked at Harry. “I’ll call a taxi” I said and reached for my phone.

“No…let me drive you.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Like I said before, no one knows I am in this house and no one knows where you live and the show hasn’t even come on the tv yet, so it’s not like people will recognize you. It will be ok.” He assured me. I nodded and gathered up my things. He grabbed his keys and got into his car and began the forty five minute drive back to my house.

He pulled up in front of my drive and parked the car.

“So….friends?” I said and looked him in the eyes.

“Friends” He replied with a half smile. I know we both want more but there are all of these obstacles in our way.

I lean over to his side of the car and pull him in for a hug. We pull away and rest our foreheads together. He lifts his head from mine and glances around outside; taking in the surroundings. Once he looks satisfied with whatever he was looking at, he turns back to me. With his right index finger, bent into a hook, he placed it up under my chin and lifted my face up towards his. He placed his lips on mine and soon started to move them. I kissed back and it was over in about thirty seconds.

“I wish we could have more.” He said sadly.

“I know.” I replied and placed one more kiss on his lips.

“I’ll see you soon, hopefully” I smiled and he nodded.

“Bye, Harry” I opened the car door.

“Bye, Ni.” I waited until his car was out of sight before I made my way into my home.

The days passed quickly. Jamie would be here late Friday night. He was going to stay with his family like he did last time. He was to pick me up Saturday morning so we could spend the day together. He would then be leaving on Sunday afternoon so he could be back to work on Monday. I told him that it was too much traveling just to only spend basically twelve hours together but he sweetly said that any amount of time with me is worth all the travel time he would have to do. Why couldn’t he stay that way all the time?

I have been fixing and refixing my arrangement for the song I will be performing at judges’ houses. I think I finally have it the way I want and I am happy. I practice about once or twice a day, I don’t want to over work it. 

I have skyped with Liam and Zayn and we have all discussed the songs we are going to sing. We even sang them for each other, just to get honest opinions. I mean my parents’ opinion really means a lot to me but they will say I was wonderful even if I wasn’t.

Harry and I have dialed back the texting a little. We really do want to maintain a friendship but it is difficult talking to someone that you want more with but can’t have it. Harry knew that Jamie was coming and he said that he wouldn’t text me all weekend but asked me to be careful. I assured him that I would be fine, but I was just saying the words to comfort him. I really had no idea what would happen. I could only hope for it to be a happy twenty four hours.

I still had thoughts of ending this relationship when he was here but a part of me was a nervous. What would he do? Would he get physical? What if he was his sweet and caring self the whole time? I don’t think I would be able to break up with him then. You hear stories all the time about people who are in mentally or physically abusive relationships and you think ‘why the hell don’t you just leave them?’ But now I kind of understand. It isn’t as easy as it would seem. 

To: Niall

Hey baby. I just landed. I’ll be at my aunt’s house by midnight. They have actually left for the weekend so that means you and I can have the house all to ourselves tomorrow night ;) I can’t wait to hold your body next to mine again. I love you and will be at your house to get you by ten. Don’t make me wait!!

To: Jamie

That’s great babe. I’ll see you in the morning. Love you.

I know what that means. I doubt if we will do anything fun at all. He will just keep me locked up at his aunt and uncle’s house wanting to do nothing but have sex all day and night. I close my eyes and prepare for what will likely be an exhausting and somewhat painful day.

I am sitting on my front steps by quarter to ten. I really didn’t want to have to make him wait even a minute for me to come out. I told my parents that I would be spending the day with Jamie and he would bring me back home tomorrow morning. They weren’t going to let me stay the night with him; they still don’t really like him very much, but I lied and told them that his aunt and uncle would be home and I would sleep in the guest bedroom. I finally convinced them after a half hour of pleading.

I see the familiar car coming down the road. It’s his aunt’s car that he uses while he is in town. I stand as he pulls up into the front of my drive. He hops out of the driver’s seat with much excitement, a huge smile and roses in his hand. I smile. He practically runs to me and drops the flowers and leans down slightly to wrap his arms around my butt and he lifts me so that I am wrapped around his waist. He swings me around, placing kisses all over my neck. This feels good. I am happy. I hold onto him tightly.

“I missed you so much, baby.” He said in between kisses. He lifted his head from the crook of my neck and looked deeply into my eyes.

“I missed you too, babe” I replied and placed my lips onto his.

After a few more minutes of our hello, he lowers me back onto my feet and leans down to pick up the flowers. He holds them out for me and I smile and accept them.

“Thanks, Jamie.” He takes hold of my hand and leads me to the car. Once inside I secure my seat belt, place the flowers in the back and turn to look at him.

“So I guess we are going back to your aunt’s house now.” I say.

“Damn, Niall. Are you that excited to get me alone?” He jokes and laughs and pokes me on my nose. I smiled in return.

“No…I just umm….thought that is what you would want to do since your family isn’t there.”

“Well yes, I am excited to have some privacy but we have all night for that. It’s a nice day out so why waste it by being inside, right?” He says and kisses my cheek. I am literally melting right now. I am so taken back by his kindness that I grab onto his face and press my lips firmly against his. I want him so badly right now. It’s funny that I was dreading this type of thing all day, but the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything until later tonight and is talking all sweet to me, makes me crave him.

He smiles on my lips and pulls away a few moments later. “Let’s go shall we? I have a surprise for you” He beams and then takes one of my hands in his and kisses it. He continues to hold my hand and then drives away.

We pull into the driveway of his aunt’s home at the end of the day. I am exhausted like I thought I would be, but not from what I thought would cause it. We enter the house and Jamie directs me to the sofa in the living room. It is just about ten at night. He goes into the kitchen to get us something to drink. He comes back a few minutes later with some herbal tea. I cuddle up into him as he turns on the television.

“Let’s just wind down, yeah?” He suggests and wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer into his body. “Sounds great” I reply and we both turn towards the television, however my mind is reminiscing on the day we just spent together.

The surprise he told me about came in the form of a boat he rented for us to go out onto Lough Ennell. He had a lunch already packed for us and we stayed on the lake for a couple hours, sun bathing, laughing, sharing romantic kisses and talking. It was, simply put, amazing. I have never had so much fun with him and I began to think that I can continue to date him if our days continue like this. 

We pulled the boat back into the dock and gathered up our belongings. He then told me that we were going to have dinner at the Mullingar Golf Club. His family has a membership there and he made reservations. I told him that it was too fancy for what I was currently wearing. He smirked and reached into the back seat and pulled out a fresh set of clothing for him and me. I can’t believe that he thought of all of this.

We had a lovely dinner and I continued to thank him for putting so much effort into this day and making it so special. He told me that the day wasn’t quiet over. I got excited to see what he had planned next.

We drove to Mullingar Town Park and he pulled out a blanket and we walked over to an area near the pond. He placed the blanket on a soft patch of grass and pulled me down next to him. We lay side by side on our backs, my left hand intertwined with his right and watched the stars. After about an hour, we decided that we should go back to his family’s home. I couldn’t have planned a better day myself.

“Niall……..Niall……baby….” I heard someone whisper softly into my ear. I then felt lips on mine. I kissed back and pulled myself into the warmth of the body pressed against mine.

“We should go to bed.” He said and ran his hand over my cheek. I smiled and nodded and he helped my tired body stand and led me to the room.

We stripped down to our boxers and climbed into the bed. We tangled ourselves into one another. I began placing open mouth kisses on his neck and lowered my head to kiss along his collar bones. He made this day absolutely perfect and I knew I wanted nothing more right now than his touch lingering all over my body.

“I want you” I said in a breathy tone and that was all it took for him to roll us over so that he was laying on top of me, firmly pressing my body into the mattress.

It started off gentle and loving and soon grew into an intense amount of pleasure in which touches were more rough, kisses more forceful, moans were more loud and animalistic. 

The first couple of times were amazing and I loved the pleasure I received but he didn’t want to stop. His sexual appetite was insatiable. By the fourth time of him entering me, I was no longer feeling pleasure. It was painful but I wanted to show him how much I appreciated everything he did for me today, so I bit back my sobs and only let tears escape my eyes. He told me that I could take a little more and I nodded not wanting to ruin this perfect day. 

After his fourth orgasm, he pulled out and I bit on a pillow to stifle my cry of pain. He pulled my body into his and held me tight. He rubbed his hand up and down my back in a soothing manner.

“I love you, Niall” He whispered.

“I love you too” I replied softly through my tears. It wasn’t long before he was fast asleep and I was left alone with my thoughts.

 

Jamie dropped me off about an hour ago. I literally feel like I am being stabbed with each step I take. He kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me and thanked me for last night, saying ‘he really needed that type of stress reliever’. He told me he would miss me but he would try to make it back up here at the beginning or middle of September. I nodded to everything he was saying and told him I loved him before he drove away.

Luckily my parents weren’t home when I got there. It was obvious that I was in pain and I knew I couldn’t hide it while walking. 

Navigating the stairs up to my room was the worst but when I finally made it to my bedroom door I let out a long victory sigh. The comfort of my bed was mere feet away. I stayed in bed the remainder of the day, declining offers for food or spending time with my family. I used the excuse that I would miss Jamie but in reality, I was relieved to be back to a long distance relationship.

I made sure that I kept my phone close and the ringer and text notification sound up to its highest level so I would be able to respond to Jamie right away if he should text or call. And he did. A couple of texts and a phone call to let me know he was home.

I woke the next morning to my text notification. I groaned. I didn’t really feel like talking or texting anyone. I looked at the clock on my night stand; seeing that it was ten, I decided that I should get up. I looked at the screen on my phone and saw that the text was from Harry. I slightly smiled.

To: Niall

How did your weekend go…….?

He is checking up on me. I knew he would.

To: Hxx

Good. It was good.

To: Niall

You know even through text I can tell when you are lying.

To: Hxx

I’m fine. We spent the day on the lake and then went out to dinner and then went to the park at night to watch the stars. Then we just hung out at his family’s home. He planned a really good day.

I waited for a reply but that reply came in the form of my phone ringing. He was calling. I couldn’t not answer. I just texted him so he knew I was right near my phone.

“Hey Harry” I answered.

“See. I know something is wrong. Did he hurt you?”

“No he didn’t hit me Harry. I’m really fine.”

“I didn’t ask if he hit you Niall. I asked if he hurt you.”

Tears began to fall and I couldn’t hide it any more. Harry waited for me to calm myself a little and asked what happened. I do really trust him as a friend so I began to tell him everything. I needed to tell someone. I needed to let out everything that I have been holding in since the day I met Jamie. I told him about the first incident with my friends and what happened in London and even giving my virginity to him and what happened the next morning. I told him all about the romantic date we had on Saturday and that I wanted him at the end of the night and that it was beautiful at the beginning. I told him everything.

“Niall, I’m so sorry. I don’t want this for you. You deserve better. I know it is going to be hard and probably scary to let go, but you need to. You have so many amazing things going on in your life right now and you deserve to be enjoying every second of it.”

“I know….it’s just that I would miss the part of Jamie that I think I might have fallen in love with. I am not ready to let that part of him go. I’m sorry I dumped all of this on you Harry. It’s not fair to you.”

“Don’t be sorry, babe. I’m glad you trust me enough to talk to me about it all. You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ll always listen, alright.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Now…what might help with the … um…well…pain….is a long hot bath. You should go and take one and just relax in there for a while. If the water gets cold, drain it and fill it back up with hot. Just do nothing for the rest of today and tomorrow do what you do best; sing.”

“Thanks so much Harry, really. I’ll talk to you soon, ok?”

“Ok. Call me if you need anything. I’ll talk to you later. Bye”

“Bye, Harry.”

I took Harry’s advice. I must have sat in the tub for a good hour and a half. I refilled it at least three times. It did sooth my sore muscles and well, yea…my backside.

I rested all day Monday and Tuesday I woke up feeling refreshed. The pain had subsided and I was able to do what I wanted without fear of someone noticing I was walking with a limp. In exactly one week I would be on a plane to New York and I couldn’t be more excited. Excited to perform my song in front of which ever mentor was chosen. Excited to be going to a big city like New York and very excited to see Liam and Zayn again.

I saw my friends on Wednesday and had a blast. It was just what I needed. I played my song for them and they all loved it. I practiced it a few more times but when Saturday rolled around, I decided that I had practiced enough and the next time I would sing the song again would be in front of the judge/mentor.

Tuesday morning I was with my parents at the airport. It was still difficult on them to let me go but they have been getting better at it. I waved goodbye to them and walked over to the security line.

The flight was long but I kept myself busy with music, reading, an in-flight movie and a little bit of sleep. There would be a car waiting for me once I arrived in New York and it would take me to my hotel. Luckily I found the driver of the car with ease and we drove into the city. 

I was a true tourist. All of the buildings were massive and everything was going by so fast. Maybe the boys and I would have a few hours of free time to go and explore. I arrived at the hotel and checked in. I knew there were eight boys total so I assumed that there would be two to a room. I was hoping that I would get either Liam or Zayn as a roommate, but then again if that happened one of them would have to room with someone else. I guess no matter what happened, one of us would have to room with someone else.

I accepted my room key and took the elevator up to the fifteenth floor. I located room 1522 and entered.

“Oh hey, Luke. Looks like we are rooming together” I said as I entered the room and saw the one person that I didn’t really want to room with.

“Yea. What was your name again?” He said rather smugly

“It’s Niall Horan”

“Oh…right. Well I got the bed closest to the window. You know first come, first serve” he shrugged.

“Yea that’s fine. I don’t mind.” I put my suitcase on my bed and started to unpack. Luke put in some ear phones and played on his phone, ignoring me completely.

About an hour later, near nine at night, I decided to text Liam and Zayn to see if they made here already. I didn’t get a response from Liam but Zayn replied right away. He told me what room number he was in, 1515, and I went to his room to meet him.

“Great to see you, Niall” Zayn said as we embraced when he opened the door. “Come in”

“Good to see you, too” We walked over to the small table in the room and each took a seat in a chair.

“So do you know who your roommate is yet?” He asks and I made a sour face in response. He laughed.

“It’s Luke” I scowled.

“Aw man. Tough break. I wonder who I will be rooming with.”

We continued our conversation for a little while and then both lay on the bed to watch tv. Around ten thirty we heard the door begin to open. We both looked up.

“Boys!!!” Liam exclaimed. He dropped his bags and we jumped from the bed and made our way over to him. We all group hugged for a little bit and then allowed him to put his things down on his bed.

“No fair! You two get to room together while I have to room with Luke.” I huff in annoyance.

“Wow. Sorry bout that mate. He is a tough one to get along with. But you are Niall. You get along with everyone” Liam said trying to make light of the situation. “sure” I replied and the boys laughed.

“Well I should probably get back to my room and go to bed. The shuttle will be here at what, like ten to take us to the judges’ house.”

“Yeah. The itinerary says we are to be in the lobby by quarter to ten.”

“I wonder who our mentor will be.” Zayn states.

“Who knows. It’d be nice if it was Cheryl. I wouldn’t mind spending the next two days with her” Liam smirks. “Definitely” Zayn concurs. I roll my eyes.

“See you two knuckle heads in the morning”

Luke is sleeping when I get back into the room so I am as quiet as possible as I get ready for bed. I slide in and pull the covers right up to my eyes and drift off to sleep with thoughts about what is to come.

 

I am in the lobby by nine thirty and am joined by Liam and Zayn about ten minutes later. Soon after, some of the other boys arrive. We reintroduce ourselves to Ryan and John; who are roommates and Alex and Aaron; who are also roommates. The only one left to join is Luke and it is now nine fifty. The camera crew is already there and filming. We will likely be followed by cameras this entire trip and I better get used to it because if I make it to live shows, I will basically have a camera in my face twenty four - seven.

“Where’s your roommate, Ni?” I shrug in response. “He was in the shower when I left.” I replied.

At exactly ten the driver came in to get us from the lobby and at that same time Luke finally made his appearance. We all got into the shuttle and it was a quiet ride to our location; likely because we were all too nervous to speak.

We pull up in front of this very tall residential building. We are taken up to the penthouse and out on to its terrace. The view is amazing and like nothing I have ever seen before. Liam, Zayn and I walk over to the railing and look out over the New York skyline. I bet it is really pretty at night.

We are all made to line up and are informed that our mentor will be out any minute.

The large French doors to the terrace open and I see Harry walking through them. All of us start clapping as he is walking over to us; cameras capturing his entrance and our reactions. 

“Well, at least its eye candy for you, eh Ni!” Zayn whispers in my ear and begins to chuckle. I roll my eyes and elbow him in the side. He groans but we both laugh. We all walk towards a lounge area of the terrace and sit. There are two couches and few chairs. Four boys to each couch and Harry across from us in one of the chairs.

“Welcome to New York” Harry says first and we all thank him. He makes sure to look every one of us in the eyes but lingers his gaze a little longer on me. 

“I rewatched all of your first auditions and footage from the boot camp stages and I am really glad that I got the boys category. You are all very talented singers. I know I will have a very difficult decision to make tomorrow. But you should all just do your best and try to have fun. Loosen up a bit and don’t be so nervous. Nerves really show in a performance and it might hurt your chances.” We all nod in understanding.

“Ok, so I was told that four of you will be performing before lunch and then the remaining four after. I have the order list and I guess I’ll read it now.” He pulls a list from his back pocket, unfolds it and begins to call off the order.

“Alex Whittier……Luke Brighton……Zayn Malik…..and Ryan Chandler in that order before lunch and then after lunch it will be…..John Quimby….Niall Horan…..Liam Payne....and…last but not least, Aaron Shields. Is everyone good with that?” We all say yes.

“We will begin in about a half hour but first as you know I’ll have someone else here with me watching your performances. He will be helping me and giving me his opinions on all of you. So let’s welcome Ed Sheeran.” Everyone stands and out walks Ed Sheeran like it’s no big deal. I know Harry and Ed are really good friends but I didn’t expect to have to not only sing in front of Harry but also Ed freaking Sheeran.

“Hi guys. Best of luck to you, yeah.” Ed says and we all say hello and thank him.

It comes time for the performances to begin. All of us are waiting in a different section of the house and Alex is called up first. We wish him good luck and he makes his way to the terrace. Next was Luke. As he is out performing Liam and I are calming Zayn’s nerves. He is up next. He will be signing an R&B song by Usher called ‘You Got It Bad’. Zayn would make the perfect R&B singer. We hug him before he heads off to perform. 

He comes back and Liam and I stand to greet him. Ryan is called up next. 

“How did it go?” Liam asks

“I think I did really well. But they don’t give you any feedback. They just thank you and send you on your way. So I guess you won’t really know until he makes his decision tomorrow.” He replied.

Ryan came back a few minutes later. He looked a little upset. I felt bad. Maybe he didn’t do as well as he would have hoped.

“You alright?” I asked him with my hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think I did my best. I was just so nervous. I’m not sure. I really hope I still make it through. I want this so badly but I think I messed up.” He covered his face with his hands and I began rubbing his back.

“Hey…so maybe you don’t think you did your best but maybe Harry will see something in you and want you on his team. I’m sure you did well. Just relax and let’s get food! I’m starving!” I said excitedly hoping it would bring a smile to his face and it did. He even laughed a little. My mission was accomplished. I hooked my arm in his and we walked over to where the catering was set up. “Thanks, Niall” He smile and I just nudged him with my shoulder in reply and handed him a plate.

We were all sitting around tables that were set up on the terrace for us to eat at. Harry and some of his team were speaking off in a corner. I could see Harry messing around on his phone obviously not paying attention to the people around him that were talking; Lou included. 

“Don’t you think Harry is kind of full of himself? I mean look at him….. he’s so Diva, he can’t even be bothered to listen to the people who are around him. He isn’t even talking to us.” Luke said and we all just stared at him.

“No. Harry has been really nice to all of us so far. You don’t even know if those people are even talking to him, they may just be talking around him. Also, he probably isn’t coming over here because he has x-factor business to deal with and maybe he is texting a family member and that is why he is on his phone.” I said trying not to sound defensive. Just then my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the incoming text. I half smirked.

“Excuse me. I have to use the restroom.” I informed everyone and then stood up and asked the guy near the door where the bathroom was. He pointed the way and before I went inside I quickly looked at Harry and he looked at me and smiled.

Once in the privacy of the bathroom, I read the text.

To: Niall

I saw and heard what you said to Ryan. That was really nice of you. Everyone did really well this morning, Ryan included. I am going to have a tough decision. I hope a few of you mess up this afternoon. Make my job a bit easier! ;) Just kidding. But I hope you do your best because I know as much as I want to put you through, all of this is televised and so if it is obvious that there are people who should be sent to live shows over you, I’ll have to do that. I hope that doesn’t make you mad at me.

I laugh a bit. And reply quickly so I can return to the terrace.

To: Hxx

I wouldn’t want you to show me favoritism. I would be upset if you put me through over someone who did better. I would actually be mad at that. So I want you to take our friendship out of this and put through the four that you think did the best and show the most potential for the show. Btw…nice house you got here…I like the marble sinks in the toilet! Ok…can’t stay hidden in the bathroom all of lunch! I have food that must get in my belly!!! : )

I walk out onto the terrace and look over at Harry who is looking at his phone and laughing. Lou looks at him oddly and peeks over his shoulder to read the text. I see Lou roll his eyes and smirk and then look over at me. I smile at him and sit back at the table and join the conversation that the other boys are having and finish my food. My phone buzzes just as I finished. I pulled it out and glanced at his reply.

To: Niall

Haha…this actually isn’t my house. The producers rented it for this whole thing. But….I actually like the idea of rental houses, don’t you?! ;)

I could feel his eyes on me and I smirked and put my phone back in my pocket, shook my head in disbelief that he just said that. He was obviously talking about what happened at the last rental house we were in and I knew he was only joking and it was kind of funny. I also knew he texted that to see what kind of reaction he could get out of me. Two can play this game. I looked up and over in his general direction. I licked my lips slowly and then bit my bottom lip. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He quickly turned around and faced the other way. I smiled and sent a quick text.

To: Hxx

I won! ;) 

They have cleared the catering off of the terrace and John is up first. We wish him good luck and he is on his way. I start shaking my leg, knowing that I am up next. I am sitting in between Liam and Zayn and they each simultaneously put a hand on my knees. We all laugh.

John comes back in and shrugs. “Well I did my best” he said and we all nodded. “That’s all you can do, isn’t it?” I replied. It was now my turn.

“Good luck, mate” Liam said. “We know you’ll do great” Zayn added. “Thanks” I replied and waited at the doors and when they opened, I walked out and made my way to my spot in front of Harry and Ed. We all said hello.

“You ready?” Harry asks. I nodded. The music started and I began to sing.

“In the light of the sun….is there anyone….oh it has begun. Oh dear you look so lost. Eyes are red, the tears are shed, this world you must have crossed. You said….you don’t know me…and you don’t even care…oh yeah. And you said, you don’t know me and you don’t wear my chains…oh yeah….She said I think I’ll go to Boston..I think I’ll start a new life…I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name. I think I need a sunrise…I’m tired of sunset…I hear it’s nice in the summer…some snow would be nice…oh yeah. You don’t know me…and you don’t even care….Boston, where no one knows my name.” 

I smiled at Harry and Ed once I was finished and they smiled back. I turned around and walked back inside.

“I think I totally nailed it!” I said and Liam and Zayn pulled me in for a hug. Zayn and I wished Liam good luck. He was up right after me. He exited through the French doors and Zayn and I took a seat on a chair in the room.

Liam was back in what felt like a minute, and he was smiling so we know it was a good sign. He thought he did really well. He sang Home by Michael Bublé. Zayn and I have both heard him sing it and he is absolutely amazing. Harry would be crazy not to choose Liam.

Last to go was Aaron. Like everyone else, we wished him the best and exited the waiting room.

After everyone was finished we all gathered onto the terrace. Harry and Ed were waiting for us.

“I was really taken back by how good all of you were.” Ed said and Harry nodded.

“I agree. You all did exceptionally well and you have made my job very hard and I don’t appreciate it” He joked. We all laughed a little.

“So, I will have my decisions made by tomorrow and you will each be brought here individually so I can inform you if you made it to live shows or not. But for the remainder of the evening you are all going on a tour of New York City….so have fun and I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Harry came over and hugged each one of us; saving me for last. He slyly placed an open mouth kiss on my neck, in the spot he knows gives me chills. I softly moaned; no one could hear but him. It caused him to hug me tighter. It was all over in a matter of five seconds and we pulled away like nothing just happened. And when I glanced around to see if anyone was looking at our brief interaction, I was pleased to see that no one was the wiser.

All the boys left the house and got onto our shuttle bus that would be taking us around the city. This is exactly what I hoped I would get to do, so I was excited.

We arrived back at out hotel around seven that evening. We saw so many things. Times Square, Central Park, The Statue of Liberty, The Chrysler Building. We spent a couple of hours walking around Times Square and we also grabbed dinner in this massive two story McDonalds. All in all it was the perfect end to the day.

I was in bed by nine. I was tired from everything that we did today and I was nervous for what tomorrow holds. I pull the covers up over my head and find peace in a deep sleep.

 

I woke up to an angry text from Jamie. I have been texting him regularly since I have been in New York but I didn’t answer his text last night. 

To: Jamie

I’m sorry babe. We had a really long day and I was asleep by 9:30. But why were you texting me at 10pm my time when it would be 3am in London?

To: Niall

Are you serious? I can text you any time I want. Maybe I couldn’t sleep and needed to talk to you. Do you feel bad now? Because of you I didn’t sleep all night and I am struggling to make it through my work day. Yes, I’m working and you are off in New York playing around. Must be nice.

Jesus, I just don’t feel like dealing with him right now.

To: Jamie

Ok. I get it. I’m sorry. But can you not take it out on me today. I have enough stress as it is. I am finding out today if I made it to live shows or not. I haven’t been just playing around in New York.

To: Niall

Whatever Ni. I’m your boyfriend. I should be put first. Just fucking call me when you have your priorities straight. So that means I better receive a call from you before I go to bed tonight.

I tossed my phone to the other side of the bed. I brushed off that conversation but I know I have to call him by at least five my time. It will be ten in London and that is just before he goes to bed. 

 

Liam, Zayn and I decided we would meet in the lobby and get breakfast at this little restaurant that we saw yesterday a few blocks away from the hotel. We were obviously nervous for what would be going on today but we tried to keep our minds off of it but just enjoying time together. 

The way it was going to work today is that each of us would be brought to Harry’s one by one. If we made it to live shows we would be taken to an undisclosed location and eventually all four people that made would all be at that location. If you didn’t make it to live shows you would be brought back to the hotel to pack your belongings and go home.

We weren’t sure if this would be the last time we saw each other for a while so we wanted to make the best of our possible last morning together. My time to meet Harry was at eleven thirty. Liam’s was at one o’clock and Zayn at two. 

After we had our fill, we walked around a little bit. We had about an hour before I had to be back to the hotel to get ready to face judging. I really think that I did well and I really hope that it would be an easy decision for Harry to put me through. I didn’t want to have him have to struggle with putting me through over another person more deserving because we have this kind of friendship/relationship thing. I don’t even know what you would call it. 

It was now just after eleven. The boys hugged me and said that hopefully we will all see each other in a couple hours. I got into my awaiting taxi and was taken to ‘Harry’s house’.

Once I arrived, the camera crews were on me. I have to do an interview about what I am thinking and feeling at this moment and what I will feel like if the outcome is good or bad. I answer the best that I can while the nerves are taking over my entire body. 

Once the interview is completed, I opened the doors that lead out onto the terrace and see Harry sitting on one of the sofas. I smile and walk over to him. 

“Hey Niall” He says and stands to hug me as I reach him. Knowing cameras are at basically every angle, there will be no secretive kisses on my neck today. We sit on the sofa facing each other. I have my hands placed nervously in my lap and I focus my attention on him. He begins to speak.

“I have been a fan of yours since I first saw you in Dublin. I think you have a really good quality to your voice and I know that you have worked very hard to get to where you are currently. However, I do feel like that there isn’t enough emotion that is put into your performances. You sing all the lyrics really well, but you need to connect with the song and the audience more. You need to feel it more.” He pauses and without thinking, because it is a nervous habit, I begin to bit my bottom lip. He looks down at his knees and then I realize what I am doing and release my bottom lip. I shift in the seat a little and he looks back up and slightly smiles.

“With that being said, my decision is to put you into my top four” He beams on the last few words. I drop my head in my hands and let silent tears fall. I made it. I actually did it. I lift my head and he sees the tears in my eyes and pulls me in to hug me. We are hugging tightly and I am saying thank you to him over and over. I want to kiss him, I want to do so many things to him right now and I have a funny feeling he is thinking the same thing, but we both know we can do none of that. 

We stand up after a few minutes of hugging and I tell him thank you, once more.

“I’ll see you in a few weeks for live shows” He says with a smile. We hug one more time and I exit the house.

I get to the location and before I go into the waiting room I have to do another interview. Dermot is there and he hugs and congratulates me. 

“So, Niall. How does it feel to be in Harry’s top four?” He asks.

“I am just so overwhelmed right now. I am so thankful and I am glad that he sees something in me. I have…..I……I really don’t even know what to say. This is so amazing. I am so happy. There just aren’t any words.” 

Once the interview is over I am brought to the waiting area. I was the second person to find out if I made it or not. I know Aaron was the first so maybe he is in the room. I open the door and there is no one else in here. I feel really sad. I know how much he wanted this too. I grab some food that is set up on the other side of the room and sit on one of the couches and wait.

After an hour or so I am just watching some random tv show, I hear the door begin to open.

“Liam!!” I exclaim and run over to him. I jump on him and we both laugh excitedly.

“We did it. We are both through! I am so happy to see you here Niall!” We stand in the middle of the room and hug for a few minutes. We release each other and take a seat on the couch.

It wasn’t long before the door was opened again.

“Guys!!!!” Zayn screamed. We tackled him to the floor. Anyone who would have walking in on us would have had to take in a pretty weird site. We were all rolling around in happiness. All three of us made it through to the live shows.

“There are only three people left. Aaron and John must have been sent home if they aren’t already here. That leaves Alex, Ryan and Luke and only one spot left.” I commented. We all sat in silence; waiting for the fourth.

It was a couple hours later before the doorknob began to turn. Ryan walked in with a huge smile on his face. He looked at us and just started crying. We all ran up and pulled him into a group hug.

“I can’t believe I made it.” He said. After a few more minutes of celebration, a few people in suits walked in. We all sat on the couch and waited to hear what they had to say.

“We just want to remind you of the agreement that you all signed not to tell anyone of the outcomes of boot camp and judges houses. We obviously know your parents will know but these results cannot go further than that. The show will begin airing on the seventh of September and live shows begin on the twelfth of October. So you have to keep your lips sealed until then. Good?” We all nod in understanding.

“Congratulations boys! We wish you all the best of luck.” They left and we were all brought back to the hotel and put into a suit that had two bedrooms. We spent our last evening in New York pigging out on room service and watching movies.

I texted Jamie to let him know that I would call him tomorrow when I got home. I debated on whether or not I could tell him I made it. I decided against it. Who knows if one day he is mad at me and tells someone that I made it to live shows just to get me in trouble. I wouldn’t put it past him. I didn’t wait for a reply because it was like five am in London. He wouldn’t be up for another hour and a half. I set my phone down but it buzzes only second later. Jamie is up? I looked at the incoming message. Nope, not Jamie.

To: Niall

So what do you think of the top 4?

To: Hxx

I think you made great choices! I feel bad for the other boys that didn’t make it but I am happy for the rest of us. Thank you so much, Harry.

To: Niall

You’re welcome. It really was a tough decision but you were pretty much flawless and everyone who watches the show will see that and know that you should always have been chosen for live shows. I am happy with my top 4. I have a feeling one of you will win but I might be a little bias! 

To: Hxx

I guess I won’t see you again until October. But again, thank you so much. It really means a lot to me.

To: Niall

Well you never know when I may pop up in Ireland ;) and you’re welcome. You deserve it! Goodnight! xx 

To: Hxx

Haha. Thanks. Goodnight!

I placed my phone back on the night stand and closed my eyes.

Almost a month has passed since New York and if I’m honest, I am still overwhelmed by it all. Last weekend brought the X-Factor season premier. My family gathered together on Saturday and Sunday night to watch the first round of auditions. There are a total of six episodes showing the auditions, two episodes that show boot camp and then finally, two episodes that will have the judges’ houses.

They are showing the Dublin auditions this Saturday. I am a little nervous to see if they chose my audition and interview to show. I mean I did say that I was gay in the interview, so I am guessing they probably will show it. I’m sure it will make for good tv. 

Tomorrow, Friday, is my eighteenth birthday. I am ready to be eighteen. I am ready to be able to go to a bar and order a pint, legally. Jamie was going to come up this weekend and spend it with me but something came up at work and he is unable to. He bugged me every day for the first few weeks after judges’ houses to tell him if I made it or not. He got angry many times but actually just gave up and stopped asking a few days ago. He will be coming for a visit the last weekend in September. That is the weekend that they will be showing the boot camp episodes.

Harry and I have still continued to maintain our friendship. I would probably consider him a very close friend, actually. He told me that he came out to his management, finally, but they stated that it is best for him to not come out to the public just yet. He has to wait until X-Factor is over. They have even set him up on a couple dates with some female models just to maintain his image. I have to admit that I felt slight jealousy but I have no right to feel that way. I have Jamie and believe it or not, it hasn’t been too bad over the past few weeks.

The fourth of September marked Jamie and my three month anniversary. He had flowers and chocolates delivered to my home. They were beautiful and it was a very sweet gesture. It doesn’t really feel like it has even been three months. We have only seen each other a few times since he left Ireland in June. But I maintain the relationship because I feel I still need him.

I wake up to my parents and my brother standing over my bed with a cupcake and a candle in it. It’s a tradition. Every year since I can remember, we have done this for each of us on our birthdays. They are singing and I make a wish and blow out the candle. We are having a party later tonight and then after I am going out to a few pubs with my friends.

After my family leaves my room I get ready for the day. I check my phone and I have happy birthday messages from my friends. Liam and Zayn have also left messages wishing me a happy birthday. I reply to all of the messages, thanking them.

I get down stairs and plop myself down on the couch and of course as soon as I do, the door bell rings. 

“Niall, honey would you get that” my mum calls and I walk towards the door. When it is opened there is a delivery guy with a bouquet of flowers and balloons. I smile.

“Delivery for Niall Horan” The man says.

“That’s me” He hands the flowers and balloons to me and walks away. I thank him and shut the door. I walk up to my room so that I am able to read the attached card without the curious eyes of my mother lingering over me. I set the flowers on my desk, tie the balloons to my bedpost and open the attached card.

Niall,

Happy 18th birthday, baby. I wish I was there to be able to give you a birthday kiss, among other things! I miss you and I love you. I’ll see you in a couple weeks. 

Love,

Jamie

He can be so sweet. Why can’t he be like this all the time? I pick up my phone and call him.

“Hey babe” He answers.

“Hi. Thank you so much for the flowers and the balloons. I really liked the card too.”

“You’re welcome, love. I miss you, baby.”

“I miss you too. But the end of September will be here before you know it.”

“I know. I can’t wait. I’ll get to have you in my arms where you belong.”

“Yup” I reply with a smile.

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks.

“My parents and brother are having a small party for me at the house with some of my family and friends and then the boys and I are going to go out to a few pubs after. I can drink legally now.” I joke.

“Fine. Just don’t do anything that you know will get me mad. You belong to me, remember. You are my boyfriend and no one is allowed to touch you.”

“Jamie, stop worrying. No one will touch me.”

“Ok. I have a meeting to go to but happy birthday. I love you.”

“Thank you and thanks again for the flowers. I love you too. Bye, babe”

“Bye”

I had a wonderful birthday dinner with my family and friends. I got lots of great presents but the big one was from my parents. It was an electric guitar. It is beautiful. I call my acoustic guitar my baby, so this one will definitely be called my girlfriend!

Around nine the boys and I headed to town and to the pubs. I kept checking my phone to see if Harry would text me and say happy birthday but he hasn’t. I’m kinda bummed but I have a lot of alcohol in my system right now, so I really don’t have a care in the world. 

It is around one in the morning and my friends finally get me in a taxi and tell the driver my address. Luckily they already gave him money because I don’t think I could even count to five right now, let alone count up the money for taxi fare. 

I stumble out of the back seat and close the door. The taxi drives away. I wobble a little bit and get tripped up on the cobble stone of the front walk way. I lose my balance and fall face first onto the path. I start to laugh and roll over onto my back. I am now on the soft comforting grass of our front yard. I decide its best just to lay here for a little bit. I put my hands under my head and just gaze up at the night sky. 

“Psst…….psssst.” What in the hell. I look around me but I don’t see anything.

“Niall” There it is again. I prop myself up on my elbows and take a better look around. I have no clue where it is coming from.

“Niall” I look up to the sky; the only place I haven’t looked for the voice yet. “God?” 

I begin to hear laughter. I try to stand up but at my current level of intoxication; the task is almost impossible. I finally manage to get on my hands and knees, all while laughing at myself. I then feel arms wrap around me and help me to my feet. “Aaahhhh” I try to scream at the feeling of someone grabbing me. I look at the person’s face. My hands grab his cheeks to get a better look.

“Harry?” I slur out.

“No, it’s God.” He replies and begins to laugh. He helps me to my front steps and we sit down. I am just staring at him. I can’t remove my eyes. I can’t believe he is really here.

“Hold on.” He says and jogs over to a car across the street. He comes back with a bottle of water and hands it to me.

“Drink it. You are gonna need it.”

“Thanks” I guzzle the entire bottle down in one take.

“What in the hell are you doing here? How long have you been waiting?” I ask. The water and the cool breeze hitting my face are removing slight amounts of inebriation from my body.

“I wanted to surprise you for your birthday. I tried texting you around eleven but you never responded. Probably too drunk” he chuckled and lightly bumped my shoulder with his.

“I’m sorry. Have you been waiting out here the whole time? That’s kinda creepy, Harry” I laughed out.

“No. When you didn’t respond I decided I would drive around for a little bit and wait for you to reply. But you never did. I was finally about to drive back to my hotel and I was making my way past your house and I saw you stumble out of the taxi. That was some fall by the way. Gave me quite the laugh.”

“Me too!” I chuckled.

“Wanna go somewhere with me?” He asks and looked at me with hopeful eyes.

“Yes” I breathed out. He stood and held out his hands to take mine. He helped me stand and held his arm around my waist and we walked to his car. 

“Where are we going?”

“Just up the road a little ways” He said and pulled out onto the street. 

After about two minutes we pulled into the parking area of the park. He looked at me and smiled.

“Why are we at the park at nearly two in the morning?” He just laughed and reached in the back seat for something. He brought his arm back up front and he was holding a blanket.

“Ready?”

“Sure” We got out of the car and walked a few feet over onto the grass. The only light provided was that of the moon and it shone brightly in the sky. He took my hands and helped me down on to the blanket. We sat for a minute and he reached into his pocket.

“I got you something” He pulled out a small box and handed it to me.

“Harry, you didn’t have to get me anything but thank you.” I opened it and strained my eyes to see what was inside. He took out his phone and used the light on it to highlight the gift now held in my hands.

I looked at it once more, now able to make out what it was. A long silver ball chain with a metal guitar pick hooked onto it. I flipped it over and saw an engraving. I held it up to the light some more and tilted the guitar pick to the right angle so I could read what was engraved.

May 4th 2013

“That’s my audition date.” I looked up at him for an explanation.

“It’s also the day that we met.” He smiled. I blushed.

“I love it Harry. So much. Thank you.” I pulled him in for a hug and placed a kiss on his neck where my head was tucked. We pulled away and he took the necklace from my grasp and put it over my head. I looked down at it, now around my neck, and picked up the pick once more to look at it. I let it drop and looked back up into his eyes. We began to lean in.

“We shouldn’t be doing this” I softly whispered just as our lips were about to touch.

“I know” he whispered in reply and brought our lips fully together.

Our arms were wrapped around each other tightly. While still passionately kissing we began to lower our bodies and soon we were lying on the blanket. My body on top of his; my hips slotted in between his legs.

His hands ran down over my back and stopped at the bottom of my spine. I had one elbow place next to his head, holding the upper part of my body up, while my other hand traveled up and down his right side.

I left his lips and began kissing down his neck. It wasn’t long before I found the spot to send shivers down his spine. He moaned and pressed down on my hips, grinding them into his. I rolled my growing erection onto his and this action caused us both to moan.

I sat back a little onto my knees. I began to unbutton his shirt, exposing his tattooed chest. Once fully open I pushed the fabric to the sides of his chest. I started kissing down his neck, over his collar bones and stopped to pay his now hardening nipples some extra attention. He bucked his hips up and tangled his fingers into the back of my hair.

I started to work my lips a little further south. I ran my tongue across the lower part of his abs while my fingers undid his pants. I could feel his calves wrap around me and could feel the motion of him toeing his shoes off. He lifted his hips and allowed me to remove his pants and I just removed his boxer briefs right along with it. I knew what I wanted so why leave them on when they will be coming off in another minute or so. Luckily we were in a secluded area of the park and it was two in the morning so no one would be around to witness any of this.

He propped himself up on his elbows and watched as I held his left leg up near my neck. I placed a kiss on the arch of his foot and began leaving open mouth kisses up over his foot, up his calf, on the inside of his knee and up his inner thigh. His head tilted back in ecstasy and he let out a breathy moan. His leg was now back on the ground and my lips were hovering over his large erect member.

Still holding himself up with one elbow, he grabbed the back of my head with his free hand.

“Niall…..please…..I want it……please” he moaned and begged as I was teasing his pre-cum topped erection. I gave Harry what he wanted and swirled my tongue around the head. I then slid my mouth down over him, very slowly. He was unable to support himself with his elbow and rested fully on his back. His now free right hand joined his left in my hair.

He moaned and bucked his hips up, causing me to choke slightly. I held his hips down and proceeded. I decided I would help him along a little, so I held a few of my fingers over his member and let my mouth go over them, getting them wet with my saliva as I glided up and down on Harry’s erection.

Once I felt they were properly wet I brought my index finder down and circled his hole. He moaned loudly. I pushed the finger in and began to move it around.

“More Niall” He rasped out. I added the second finger and began to thrust them in and out. Soon after, I added the third. He tightened his muscles around me and bucked his hips again. I brought my mouth down on him as far as I could go and then lifted it back up. I repeated this action over and over. I then started to curl my finger in the attempt to locate the correct area to push inside of him. I found it only moments later. He sighed loudly in pleasure.

“God….yes Niall…..shit….mmmmmhhhhhh….” I continued hitting his prostate and kept my mouth firmly around him.

“ugghhh…Ni…..I’m cumming..” He moaned and seconds later I felt the warm, thick liquid hit the back of my throat. I swallowed it down and continued with my actions until he was down from his high.

I pulled my fingers out and wiped them on the blanket and removed my mouth from him. I looked into his blissed out eyes under the moon light and they quickly turned to lust. He let out a low growl like sound and rolled us over so that now he was on top of me. He all but ripped my clothing off and assaulted my body with his lips; leaving bites and hickeys as he made his way down my chest.

Once he reached my erection, he began to give me the best feeling I have ever had. Nothing could compare to it. I was rambling, stuttering, moaning in ecstasy, bucking my hips. I wanted him. I wanted him badly. I think he knew. I soon felt fingers enter me. He gave me the same treatment that I did him. I wanted more but at the same time I think we both knew that it wouldn’t be right. Hell, what we have done so far isn’t right. But it has been the best pleasure I have ever received. It wasn’t long before I was screaming out his name as I came into his mouth.

After a few minutes of heavy breathing and holding each other tight, our bodies were littered with goosebumps from the cold September night air. We pulled our clothing on and brought our bodies back together again. We held onto each other for warmth. I brought my lips over his.

“Thank you, Harry” I softly breathed.

“Happy birthday, Ni.” He replied and placed his lips on mine. It was a beautiful ending kiss and we were soon deeply asleep in each other’s arms.

I felt wet. I felt something hitting my face, repeatedly. I fluttered my eyes open and began to come to my senses.

“uugghh…Harry…..Harry…it’s raining” I groaned and shook him to wake him up. He jostled around and then brought his hand up to shield his face. His eyes slowly opened and his gaze met mine.

“Lovely morning isn’t it?” he chuckled out. There was a loud thunder clap followed by harder rain. We both jumped up as quickly as we could and held the blanket over our heads and ran to the car. It was now pouring and just before we got to the car, I stopped him.

“Ni…come on. We are going to catch pneumonia.” He stated and tugged on my arm. I stood my ground and pulled the blanket off of our heads and let it fall to the pavement.

I looked into his eyes and smiled. “I’ve always wanted to do this”

“What? Get sick?” He laughed. I smiled widely and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“No, this.” I then pressed my lips to his. He finally understood what I wanted; a kiss in the rain. He roped his arms around the bottom of my backside and lifted me up. I hooked my legs around his waist and deepened the kiss. I felt him walking us somewhere and I then felt my back pushed up against the car.

The rain was coming down heavier than before and cascading over our bodies. It began to get a little difficult to kiss because the water was getting into our mouths. After a few more moments, we reluctantly pulled away. He held me in his arms and looked into my eyes. We stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity. Still pinned between his chest and the car he released one of his hands from holding me up and brought his thumb to my lips and ran it gently across them. He then leaned in and placed his wet lips on mine, once more. He lowered me to my feet and we soon pulled away.

He picked up the soaked blanket and tossed it in the trunk and we hopped into the car. We looked at each other and just started to laugh. It was quite the funny sight. Our clothing was stuck to our bodies and our hair matted to our heads. I leaned in and he matched me and we kissed quickly. He started the car and in a few minutes we were back in front of my house.

He left the car running and the heat on blast, warming our chilled, wet bodies. We both gave knowing glances and he broke the silence first.

“Last night was amazing Niall.” He took my hands in his.

“Yes it was.” I agreed. He smiled but then took in my saddened facial expression and his smile dropped.

“We can’t keep doing this to ourselves, Harry. You know we can’t be together. Honestly I would love to be with you. It would be like a dream come true. But we can’t.”

“This is so frustrating. I just want us. I want us together.” He said. I caressed his cheek. He leaned into my touch.

“We can’t. It won’t be allowed. I also still have Jamie. This isn’t right.”

“You can’t tell me that this isn’t right, Niall.” He let my hand go and grabbed either side of my face, kissed my lips and pulled away. “You can’t tell me that when we kiss, it isn’t the most right feeling you have ever had. It is for me. We are right for each other Niall. We both know it. You can’t deny it.” He placed another kiss on my lips; a kiss full of wanting and need. 

I placed my hands on top of his; still holding either side of my face. I pulled away from the kiss but kept our hands in the same position.

“God, Harry. I know it feels right. It feels right when you hold me. It feels right when you kiss me. It feels right when you touch me and everything we did last night felt right. But we can’t do this. We have to push our feelings aside. We can’t be together, Harry. Not now. I’m sorry.” I dropped my hands and placed them on his chest and leaned my forehead onto his. “I’m really sorry, Harry. Please understand.”

“I understand, Ni.” He sighed and brought me in for a hug. “I don’t know how I am going to see you almost every day during the live shows, knowing we can’t be together. It’s going to hurt. Please reconsider Niall. We can do this. We can do it in secret. Please, baby.”

I looked into his eyes, now filled with tears. I let a few fall from mine. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

He dropped his head in defeat and held onto my hands. I brought his head up to look at me. “Thank you for my necklace. I love it and thank you for coming. It really means a lot.” I kissed his lips and lingered there for a few moments. I pulled away. “Goodbye, Harry. I’ll see you in October.” I tried to move, but he held my hands tight. I pulled a little harder. He sighed and released his grip. “Bye Ni. I’ll miss you.”

I placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll miss you too” I whispered in his ear and exited the car and watched him drive away. The rain was assaulting my body once more. When I could no longer see the tail lights of his car, I slowly turned and dragged my feet into my house.

 

I moped around my house for the next two weeks. Harry and I hadn’t texted or spoken since that rainy morning after my birthday. It was painful but I knew it was necessary.

The Saturday night after my birthday, my family and I watched the Ireland auditions and like I thought, they showed mine. So now it was out completely. All of the UK knew I was gay but they obviously didn’t know that I would be on the live shows. 

I got an angry call from Jamie after the show ended. He was pissed, to put it lightly, that I said I was single in the interview. I explained to him that it was before I had even met him. He shut up quickly because he knew I was right and he was wrong for flying off the handle. But I didn’t get an apology. Instead I got a ‘well you better tell people that you have a boyfriend that you love very much in the next interview that you do’. I sighed and agreed. My mind was still with Harry though, so I wasn’t really paying much attention to what Jamie was saying.

I am picking Jamie up from the airport in about an hour. It is Saturday afternoon and we will be spending the day in Dublin and then will watch the boot camp episode tonight with my family. He changed his schedule a little bit so he could also stay Sunday night and then he will fly back to London on Monday morning. His aunt and uncle will be out of town on Sunday night so I will be staying with him over there. My parents are a little upset that they won’t get to watch the Sunday night episode where I get chosen to go to judges’ houses with me, but I am sure they will record it so we can watch it again. They are over the moon at all that I have accomplished. I love them very much.

“Babe!” Jamie exclaims as he walks briskly towards me at the baggage claim. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck.

“Hi babe” I reply without much enthusiasm. 

“You should be happier to see me.” He says and squeezes my hips a little harder than necessary. 

I plaster a fake smile across my face and give him a kiss. “I am baby, really. Just tired. Maybe we can go relax in a park somewhere after lunch. How does that sound?”

He smiles and relaxes his grip. “Sounds perfect. As long as I am with you it doesn’t matter where we are.” I smile and lead him out to the car; my parents’ car that I have borrowed for today.

We are sitting in a small café in Dublin eating our lunch when someone comes up to our table.

“You look familiar” the young woman says, looking directly at me. I smile. I have been getting a couple people who recognize me from my audition since the episode aired. Before I could say anything Jamie wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“This is my boyfriend Niall. You probably recognize him from his X-Factor audition.” 

“That’s it!” The girl exclaimed. “You were great. I really hope you make it through.”

“Thank you” I replied and smiled brightly at her. Still slightly annoyed with Jamie’s actions. 

“Have a great day” she added and left.

“I can speak for myself you know.” I grumbled. Jamie’s arm was still draped over my shoulder. Using his hand, he squeezed the muscle that runs from my shoulder up to my neck. It hurt.

“What did you say?” He scowled. Gripping that muscle harder. I winced a bit in pain.

“I said that I could have talked for myself. Please let go. You are hurting me.” I said quietly so that no one around us could hear.

“You know better than to talk to me that way. Now apologize.” He growled in my ear. I knew that this treatment wouldn’t stop until I said sorry.

“I’m sorry.” I stated and his grip loosened. He then rubbed his hand up and down my back. 

“I am just so proud of you Niall. I want the whole world to know you are my boyfriend and you are doing so well on the show.” He smiled and gave me a kiss on my cheek and then turned his attention back to his food.

We finished eating and then drove to a park and took a seat on a bench and cuddled for an hour or so. I really wasn’t into it, but it was quiet and peaceful and Jamie was happy, so I was content.

We were back at my parent’s house by five thirty. We were all going to have dinner together. This would be the first time that my parents have seen him since he first introduced himself to them on our first date. My brother has never formally met him but hates him already. Greg has heard some conversations between us and he does not like one bit the tone that Jamie speaks to me in.

Jamie was his charming self all throughout dinner. I could see right through the fakeness and I think my parents and brother could as well but no one said anything rude because they all thought that I loved him very much. I think they all hope that I break up with him soon and I am hoping I get the courage to, sooner rather than later.

“That was a beautiful meal and dessert, Mrs. Horan. Thank you so much for having me”

“Thank you, James. And you’re welcome. Will you be staying to watch the X-Factor episode with us tonight?” She asked.

“Only if it is alright with you and Mr. Horan.” He said and looked between my mother and father.

“That will be fine.” My father stated.

We all sat around the living room before the show began just talking about nothing in particular. At eight o’clock our attention was on the tv. My parents and Greg shared the couch and Jamie and I were, uncomfortably in my opinion, sharing the chair. 

My mother kept commenting on how cute I looked every time the camera showed me. I wasn’t on there a lot and they didn’t show the bit where I sang in front of the judges but they did show me dancing and making a fool of myself.

“You have no rhythm, dude” my brother joked. 

“Hey! I’m not a dancer. I sing and play guitar. I wasn’t that bad. I made it to judges’ houses didn’t I?” I retorted with a smile. Greg smiled back.

“You know if Niall made it to the lives shows or not, don’t you?” Jamie asked, directing the question towards my parents and Greg.

I answered before they could get a chance to. “Yes they do and no, they aren’t going to tell. I have sworn them to secrecy.”

“He is right. We can’t say.” My mum adds. 

“That’s ok. I’ll find out soon enough I guess.” He says but I can feel him pinching my hip. I wiggle a little to stop him but I am subtle with it so that my family doesn’t notice the pain he is causing me.

After the show ended I told my parents that I was going to take Jamie back to his family’s home. Jamie said goodbye to my parents and brother and thanked them once again. We got into the car and I drove him back to his aunt’s.

“I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.” I said. 

“Yes. Do you want me to pick you up or will you drive over?” He asked. I thought about it. If I had my parent’s car, I could leave anytime I wanted or in case things got bad.

“I’ll just drive over here. Noon?”

“Yes. Don’t be late” He warned and then kissed my lips. I kissed back passionately, not wanting to start a fight. 

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you, too” I responded. He got out of the car and waved as I drove away.

I think I am finally ready to end it. I think I have had all that I can take. I am tired of having to do whatever it takes to keep him happy. I no longer love the sweet Jamie. I resolved to end things tomorrow. I can only hope that I am able to walk away from the beating I am sure to receive.

I arrive at his aunt’s house right on time. He is waiting for me at the front door with his arms opened wide. I walk into his embrace and he leads me into the dining room where he has lunch already made. We ate in silence for the most part. His foot would occasionally travel up my leg and in between my thighs. I knew what would happen directly after we were finished eating so I took longer than I normally would to finish.

He placed the dishes in the sink and took my hand and led me to his room. He shut and locked the door and moved me to the bed. He pulled off my shirt, tugged my pants off forcefully and stripped down to nothing, himself. He was soon on top of me, in between my legs. He wasn’t turning me on like before but I knew I needed to get hard for him or else he would get mad. He began to grind his hips down on to mine. I closed my eyes and thought of the only person that I wanted at this moment. Harry. 

I imagined it was Harry on top of me. I imagined looking into Harry’s green eyes. I imagined the last night that we were together. It didn’t take long before I was excited at the thought of Harry being where Jamie currently is.

I moaned along with him as he was thrusting inside of me. I made sure not to say any words for fear that I would call out Harry’s name. This went on for an hour or so; him not stopping when I am obviously sore. Finally he was too tired to continue. After he finished for the third time he pulled out and lay on his stomach next to me. He kept his arm draped over my chest and quickly fell asleep. 

I stayed still and closed my eyes allowing sleep to find me as well.

I was woken up by the smell of food cooking. I looked at the clock and read 6:30. That was quite the nap. I moved slowly, knowing that any sudden movements would cause me some pain. I made my way to the bathroom and got into the shower. I stayed there for about fifteen minutes; cleaning the dirty feeling off of my body. I dressed in the clothes from earlier and walked into the kitchen and was met with Jamie’s strong arms wrapping around my waist.

“I hope you are hungry, babe. I’m making lasagna.” He kissed my cheek and checked on the pasta in the oven. 

“Yes. Thank you. It smells delicious” I said. “I’ll set the table” I offered and took a couple plates down from the cabinets and began to walk to the dining room. 

“I love when I see you walking like that, baby. It means I did you properly.” I felt his hot breath on my neck. He could obviously see the slight limp I had from the events a few hours ago.

“Yea, babe…you did” I replied, stroking his ego and continued on into the dining room.

The lasagna was actually really good and I was really hungry. He looked happy as I went for a second serving. I smiled and continued eating. We cleaned up afterward and then sat down to watch the second episode of boot camp.

I was curled up into him with my head resting on his chest. He was rubbing his hand up and down my arm. It did feel nice but I was preparing for what I was going to do later. End our relationship.

I wasn’t paying much attention but he kissed my head and I took notice that it was the part where my name was called for judges’ houses.

“I’m proud of you babe”

“Thanks, Jamie”

I was watching the screen and eventually it cut to Liam, Zayn and I all hugging tightly and our foreheads all pressed together. It was after Liam came down the stairs; all three of us going to judges’ houses. I felt Jamie tense. Dermot commented on how close we all are and then Zayn kissed mine and Liam’s cheek and gave Dermot his reply about the three of us getting to know one another and becoming very close over the past couple of days. I completely forgot that Zayn had kissed my cheek. I didn’t even think anything of it at the time. Zayn is a close friend and we were all so excited about making it through. It wasn’t a big deal. Jamie’s hand slapping across my face a second later made me realize just how big a deal it was.

He had me pinned to the sofa. I am trying to kick and push him away but he has the upper hand. He lands a punch right across my face and then another to my stomach.

“How could you!” He screamed. “That guy kissed you….you let another man touch you” Another punch to my face. “You are mine” Another punch to my head.

“What else did you do, you slut? Did you sleep with them? Huh? Did you touch them and then come back to my place and touch me?” Another punch to my stomach. He continues yelling and I tune it out. I feel the hits as they are connecting with my body but I am doing my best to protect myself. There is a moment where he shifts his position and I see an opportunity. I knee him in the groin and shove him off of me as hard as I can.

He falls back over the coffee table and onto the floor. I hop up off the couch and try to make my escape. He is up a second later and jumps over the couch to catch me. I step back and his arms miss me. 

“I am done with this Jamie. I am not putting up with this abuse any more. We are through” I scream out while dodging his repeated attempts to grab me. He swings his fist toward me and I duck. He misses me but it allows my fist to connect with his right cheek bone. He is knocked to the ground and I run to the front door and collect my keys from the entry way table on my way out. 

I quickly get into my car and lock the doors. Jamie barrels out of the house and starts pounding on the hood of the car. I back out of his driveway and I see him running into the house. As I pull onto the street, I look and see him with keys in his hand and he gets into his aunt’s car. 

I speed away but I know he is going to follow me home. I panic for a second but then decide to call Greg.

“Hel-“

“Meet me outside the house in two minutes” I interrupt his greeting frantically.

“What the hell is going on, Ni?”

“Just be out there, Greg …… please” I beg with tears falling from my eyes.

“Ok” He replies and I hang up.

It is dark outside and I can see the headlights of his car fast approaching. I see my house and as I get closer I see Greg standing on the front walk way. I also take notice that my parents are there too. He must have told them the way I sounded on the phone.

I come to an abrupt stop in front of the house, jump out of the car quickly and run. Once I am in my parent’s arms and near the light of the front steps they gasp. 

“What the hell happened!” My dad yelled and just then Jamie’s car stopped and he got out screaming.

“You’re mine Niall. You belong to me.” He yelled and ran towards me.

“No! We’re over!” I screamed back and collapsed in my father’s arms. My body had all it could take. I saw Greg block Jamie from coming any closer.

“Move Greg. This doesn’t concern you. Niall is my boyfriend. You aren’t breaking up with me, Niall. I won’t let you. You love me. I love you.” He yells.

“Like hell!” Greg spits out and punched Jamie right in the face. Jamie attacks Greg and soon they are rolling around on the ground. Punches are flying, curse words are yelled and finally Greg gets the advantage and pins Jamie face first into the ground. Jamie is struggling beneath him but he is getting too tired to continue to fight back.

“Mum….call the police” Greg says and my mother runs inside. My father still has a tight hold on me and is comforting me with soothing words and rubbing my back. 

Jamie turns his face to look at me.

“I’m sorry, baby. Niall I’m sorry. Let’s just talk about this ok. I forgive you, babe. I know you love me. I love you. We can be together. Niall…please.” I ignore his pleas and begin sobbing harder into my father’s chest. Jamie continues yelling out his pleas to have me back. It isn’t long before we hear the sirens in the back ground and shortly after we see the flashing lights speeding down the road.

Jamie tries to struggle out from Greg again but Greg is basically sitting on top of his butt and has his hands pinned onto his back. Our neighbors are now out on their front yards watching this entire situation take place. It is a lot of commotion for our little neighborhood.

The police run over to Greg and take a hold of both of them. They hold Greg until they hear a little of the story and then let him go. 

A paramedic comes to my aide and suggests that I am taken to the hospital. I have a cut that needs a few stitches and some other wounds that should have tending. I agree and stand up and let the guy lead me to the back of the ambulance. 

After the cops have handcuffs securely around Jamie’s wrists they begin to bring him to the cop car.

“You’re mine Niall. I will get you back. We will be together. You’re mine.” He yells before he is silenced by the police officer and put into the back of the car.

I am at the back of the ambulance with my parents and Greg. Before I am taken to the hospital I have to tell the police what happened. I told them everything that happened tonight and the officer is writing all of this down. My mother is crying a bit, my dad has a hold of my hand and has a few tears falling from his eyes and Greg, well Greg looks like he wants to kill Jamie.

“Has this happened before?” The officer asks. I hesitate and look to the ground.

“Yes. He has hit me before but never this bad.” I slowly reply and that seems to make my mother more upset.

“We’ll take him in and hold him. Would you like to file a restraining order?”

“Yes” my father says before I get a chance.

“But he lives in London. What am I going to do when I am back there and so is he?”

“Just come to the station tomorrow and we can figure something out.” The officer says and then gets into his cruiser and pulls away; Jamie glaring at me through the window of the back of the car.

We get home from the hospital a couple hours later. I have five stitches above my right eyebrow, bruising under both eyes and on my chest and stomach. The bruises on my chest are mixed with bite marks and hickeys from earlier. My parents tried to ignore those.

I am lying in bed and my parents are sat on either side of me. Greg is sitting at my desk chair.

“Would you like to tell us about what has been going on?” My dad asks. I can see that they all want to know and I want to tell them but I am so tired and I just don’t want to relive everything. But I take a deep breath and tell them the entire thing, from day one.

“I knew there was something wrong with that boy” mum says and places a kiss on top of my head.

“Come on.” My dad says and stands. “Let’s let Niall get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow at the police station.” He takes my mum’s hand and all three of them leave my room; saying goodnight as they go. 

I look around my room and relax more into my mattress. It’s over. It’s finally over. I am finally free of him. I can finally be fully happy. I pick up my phone.

“Hello”

“Hi, Harry”

 

We got back home from the police station a little after three the following afternoon. Jamie posted bail and was allowed to fly back to London. I got a restraining order against him for here in Ireland and when I explained my situation to the police they told me they would get the information to the London head precinct and I would have a restraining order when I got there as well.

I decided not to press charges. Greg protested. I just don’t want to have to deal with this while going through the live shows. I want my mind clear of all of this. If I decided to press charges, I would have to be back and forth between Mullingar and London because the incident took place here and all the court hearings would be here. I can’t do that and I don’t want to give up my dream. Everyone understood after I explained it to them.

I was lying in my bed half asleep when there was a knock on my bedroom door.

“hmmmm” I groaned and looked at my mum sticking her head into my room.

“You have a visitor, baby. Do you feel like seeing anyone?”

“Yes…it’s fine mum.” I reply and start to sit up in my bed. I wait for whichever one of my friends that has come to see me. They all know what happened. News like that spreads through our community fairly quickly.

My eyes start to close. I’m still a little drowsy. “Niall” I look up and see Harry coming into my room.

“Harry” I say softly with a smile. I was kind of hoping it was him. He smiles back and joins me on the bed. He caresses my face and gently grazes over the bruises and cuts. He slips his shoes off and gets under the covers and without us saying another word, we curl up together and fall asleep.

I begin hearing knocking on my door. I smile at Harry holding me tightly in his arms. I see the time on my alarm clock and it reads 6:35pm. There is another knock. Harry begins to stir.

“Yes” I say in a whisper yell; loud enough for the person at my door to hear, but soft enough not to startle Harry.

My mum walks in and smiles at the sight. Harry starts to bat his eyes open. He takes notice of my mother in the room and realizes the two of us curled up together. He unwraps his arms and sits up quickly.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Horan.”

“It’s fine, dear. And please call me Maura.” Harry smiled and nodded. “I just wanted to let you know dinner is ready. Would you like to join us Harry?”

“If it wouldn’t be too much trouble” Harry replies.

“Of course not sweetheart.” She smiled. “I’ll let you two wake up a bit and come down stairs when you are ready.” She closed the door behind her.

“I like your mum” Harry says and then lies back down and rests his head on mine.

“She likes you too. You know, she never told Jamie to call her Maura. I think parents are usually right about their children’s boyfriends or girlfriends. I should have listened to them. I should have listened to everyone.” I cover my face with my hands.

“Hey….don’t do that. Breaking up with him was something you had to do on your own time.” 

“I don’t deserve you being this nice to me, Harry. Not after having not spoken to each other since the night of my birthday. And then I call you out of the blue last night and here you are, showing up in my bedroom the next day, saving me.”

“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are ok.”

“Nothing has changed, Harry. You know that we can’t have what we want.” I say completely depressed by the truth coming out of my mouth.

“I know, Ni. But we’ll find a way.” He tightened his hold around my waist and I looked up into his eyes.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you” He whispered and then placed his lips on my forehead. I leaned into his kiss and we pulled away and looked at each other’s eyes, leaned in and he kissed me gently, passionately and lovingly on my awaiting lips.

Dinner was nice. We all kept our mind clear of what had transpired just twenty four hours ago. We laughed, joked, spoke of random things and had a proper family meal. The topic of Harry and my relationship was brought up due to a comment my brother made about Harry coming all the way up here just to check on me. We told them that we kept in contact after my first audition and built a really solid friendship. We certainly didn’t go into detail about other things we have done. We also informed them that due to the show’s rules, they couldn’t tell anyone that we shared a friendship outside of the show. They each understood.

After dinner Harry and I went back into my room. We talked about the live shows starting in just over a week. We discussed what type of artist I wanted to be and we discussed how amazing Liam, Zayn and Ryan are. 

“When do you have to leave?” I asked as I was stroking my fingers up and down his clothed chest. 

“Tomorrow morning. My flight leaves Dublin at eleven. I have a lot of appearances to do for the show over the next week.”

“Oh” I said sadly. “I hate to see you go but I am so thankful that you came, Harry. It really means so much to me.”

“You’re welcome Ni.” He placed a kiss on my head. It felt so natural to be in his arms surrounded by his warmth and comfort. It felt natural to be kissed by him. It felt natural to be touch by him and it felt natural just to talk to him or even to sit in silence with him. I began to think. My thoughts raced and I needed to reveal to him what I was pondering.

“Hypothetically, if we were to date…” I begin and look up to see his eyes light up. “How would we go about hiding such a thing? Would it even be possible? Now this is hypothetically speaking, remember.” He chuckled a bit.

“Hypothetically speaking, if we were to do this, I think it would be very possible to hide it. We have hid a friendship for the past four and a half months. I don’t think hiding a relationship would be that much more difficult.” I smiled at his response.

“But I guess, how would we even see each other? Outside of X-Factor, I mean. Also, we wouldn’t be able to go out on dates like regular couples and where would we get any alone time? Cameras will be on us pretty much all day and night.” I countered.

“I would find a way to do it, Niall. I just want to be able to call you my boyfriend and I want to know that we are together. Nothing would make me happier. I would do whatever it takes.” He replied and held my cheeks softly, so not to hurt my already bruised face.

“Will you give me some time to think about it? I don’t want to just jump into this without giving it a lot of thought. Maybe we can find a few minutes without cameras when I get to London in like a week and a half and we can decide then.”

“Well you can tell me what you have decided because I already know what I want. I want to be with you.” He places a kiss on my lips and I lay my head down onto his chest and we drift off to sleep.

“Niall, babe…wake up” I feel kisses being placed on my forehead, cheeks, nose and then lastly a soft and gentle kiss is placed on my lips.

“mmmhhh” I breathe out in the kiss.

“I have to leave soon.” He whispers and I hold him tight in protest. He giggles.

“Do you mind if I take a shower and borrow some of your clothes?” He asks.

“No. Of course not.” I say as I stretch the sleep away. “Shirts are in the closet, jeans are in there too, on the shelves and boxers and sox’s are in the dresser. There are towels in the linen closet just behind the bathroom door.” I say while pointing to all of the things I am telling him. He nods and grabs some clothing and then enters the bathroom and closes the door. I hear the shower running shortly after.

I lie in bed for a few moments and listen to Harry singing. His voice is carrying out into the bedroom. It is soothing and I want nothing more than to be closer to him right now. I am feeling overly brave and confident at the moment and get out of my bed. I rid myself of my clothing and thank God that I have my own privet bathroom attached to my room, otherwise what I want to do would not be possible.

I turn the knob to the bathroom door and quietly enter. I can see the steam rising from the shower and his voice is now filling my ears with melodic pleasure. 

I pull back the curtain to the shower and slowly enter. I know he must have heard the shower curtain open slightly but he made no movements and continued to sing. His back was to me and his head was under the running water. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. His hands moved to lie on top of mine and I took that as a sign that he didn’t mind the intrusion. 

I began to place kisses along the top of his shoulder blades and at the base of his neck. I started grazing my hands up and down his chest. He moved his hands to place them firmly on the tiled wall in front of him. On one of the passes over his chest with my hands, my right stayed gripped to his chest and my left hand began to palm his member. He moaned under the water and tilted his head back. He was taller than me so his head couldn’t rest on my shoulder but it found its way to be pressed up against the side of my head. 

I took him in my hand completely and began thrusting up and down. I was leaving wet kisses up and down his neck. He continued to moan. I felt him bend a little and then push his backside into my groin. I gripped his erection harder. He grinded into me some more. My knees started to become weak at the feeling.

“More, Niall.” He whispered. I removed my hand from his chest and ran it around his body and down his back all while still stroking his member. I entered one finger into him and he started to grind down on it. It wasn’t long before I entered another and finally a third. I moved my fingers in and out and circular motions deep inside him. His muscles tightened around my fingers and he moaned out loudly, signaling that I had found his prostate.

Suddenly he pulled away and turned to face me causing my fingers to slip out of him and my hand to lose grip on his erection. He placed a lustful kiss on my lips and held my cheeks tight in his hands. He pulled away and stared into my eyes.

“Could we…..” he started and then dropped his head into my neck. “I…..just….just want you…in me Niall” I hesitated for a moment. I have never topped before and I have a feeling that if Harry and I were to be in a relationship we would likely take turns. Do I want to do this with him yet? I wanted him, badly. I reached around his body and turned the shower off. I pulled back the curtain and stepped out and held his hand to bring him along with me. I picked up one of the towels and quickly and poorly half dried our bodies. I led him over to the bed and laid him down. 

We stared into each other’s eyes as I lined myself up. His hands gripped onto my biceps that were currently flexed because I was holding myself up above him. I leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips and slid myself into him. It felt amazing. His muscles were tight around my erection and he moaned in ecstasy. He lifted his hips slightly, signaling for me to move. I began slowly; only increasing the pressure and speed when he begged and moaned for it.

We were both breathing out slightly stifled moans so my family wouldn’t hear. His grip on my arms got tighter and his eyes began to roll back under his eye lids. I knew he was close. I started to stoke his member as I continued thrusting in and out of him at a hard and fast pace.

He climaxed only moments later muttering out my name and I soon followed. My thrusts began to slow and eventually came to a full stop. I gently pulled out and rolled onto my side right next to his body. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him in closer. He turned his head to look at me.

“That was perfect, Ni.” He whispered and placed a kiss on my lips. I hummed in response and after a few minutes I spoke.

“I…um….have never topped before. That was incredible. It felt amazing, Harry. You felt amazing. But….I hope..I um…did it right.” I shyly finished and tucked my head into his neck. He rolled onto his side and lifted my face to meet his.

“You were amazing, babe. The best I have ever had.” I roll my eyes.

“Hey!” He states. “I’m being honest, Niall. That was the most wonderful orgasm I have ever had. I don’t know what it is about you, but you just make everything better.” He begins to caress my cheek.

“You make my morning better with your ‘good morning’ texts. You make kissing better because of your perfect lips, you make touching better because your fingers are the perfect combination of soft and rough. You make laughter better because your laugh is so contagious. You make my sleeping better because you fill all of my dreams. You even make food better because I constantly think that whatever food I put into my mouth, how much you would enjoy it too. You make everything better, Niall”

I have no words for what he just said. That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I mean how does one even respond to something like that. A simple ‘thank you’ won’t be enough. Then it all makes sense. It all becomes clear.

“Harry.” I begin and gaze into those perfect green eyes. I run my hand through his hair and then down over his back. I pull him in closer to me, if that is even possible. I kiss his pink lips and see that he is waiting for me to continue.

“Let’s do this. Let’s be together. I want nothing more than to be with you. I don’t need any more time to think about it. I just want to be with you, baby. I don’t care what obstacles we will have to face. I don’t care what we will have to do to hide this. There is no one more perfect than you. I just don’t want you to feel like you are a rebound. I want you to know that you are the furthest thing from it. I have wanted to be with you for the longest time. I always felt like it should have been you. Everything with Jamie was wrong. It never really felt right and I knew that all along but one of the reasons I stayed was because I thought I could never be with you. It was wrong with Jamie but it always felt right when I was with you. So, Harry….would you like to be my boyfriend?”

“I want nothing more than that, Niall” He replied with a smile and we sealed it with a long, deep and passionate kiss. We pull away after a few more minutes of kissing.

“You do know you are not a rebound right, babe?”

“Yes. I know.” He smiled. We kissed once more and decided it best to take another shower. 

“Goodbye, boyfriend” I smiled. “I’ll see you very soon!” I kissed his lips. Luckily my father and brother were working and my mum had gone to the store. So we were able to say goodbye properly. We have decided to keep our relationship a secret from everyone.

“I’m going to miss you. So much.” He said and held onto my hips and rested his head onto my shoulder. I ran my hands through his hair and held him close.

“I’ll miss you, too. Call me when you get home, ok?”

“I will” He replies and I open the front door. We stand behind it, using it as a privacy wall and kiss each other once more.

“Bye, baby.” 

“Bye” I say and he walks towards his vehicle, frequently turning back to look at me. He gets into his car and after one final wave, he drives away.

 

By the sixth of October I am back in London. All of the contestants have moved into a very large, very posh mansion on the outskirts of the city. The reunion between us all was a happy one but I think we were all secretly sizing up our competition.

All four of us boys are sharing a room. There are two sets of bunk beds, four dressers and two large walk in closets in the room. There is also an attached bath, which is nice. I am on the bottom bunk while Ryan is at the top. Liam took the top to the other bunk and Zayn the bottom; he wasn’t too keen on sleeping up that high.

The bruises on my face are still visible but have faded significantly and can be covered by makeup for the live shows. The stitches above my right eye were dissolvable and began to fall out yesterday. There is still two remaining and the cut is still red, but healing. Liam and Zayn know what happened but I told everyone else who asked that I was in a car accident. That would continue to be my story. No one else needed to know the truth. 

Zayn of course feels really bad. It was him kissing me on the cheek that started the whole thing. He was so apologetic to me after I told him and Liam the story of what happened. I assured him that Jamie was hitting me long before that night and it would have happened like that when I broke up with him anyway. I think I took away some of his guilt but I could still see there was some residual guilt remaining and it would likely take a few days or weeks for him to fully get over the blame he was placing on himself. 

The first episode of Judges’ Houses was last night and the final episode will be tonight. We all had to be in London so that tomorrow, Monday, when the public knows who made it through, we will have a press conference. All of us are watching the broadcast tonight; looking forward to reliving the amazing day when we all made it through to the live shows.

The Wednesday after the incident with Jamie, I had to change my number. Jamie was non-stop calling and texting me. I would never answer his calls but would listen to all of the voicemails. Some angry and some very sweet and loving. All with the message of wanting me back. The texts were no different. I told my parents and we immediately changed my number.

Harry and I have been talking and texting every day since he left my home; the day we made it official. I still have a hard time believing that Harry and I are dating. Dreams do come true, I guess. I am so happy to know that Harry is my boyfriend but sad at the same time. We both know that we can’t show any type of affection towards each other and that will be hard. I know what it’s like to kiss and hold him and that is all I want to do every time I see him, so seeing him tomorrow for the first time in over a week and not being able to properly greet my boyfriend will be difficult.

Something that I am not looking forward to is having to talk to the show producers about Jamie. I was informed by the police at home that I have to have a meeting with the London officials regarding the restraining order. I have that meeting tomorrow evening at six. The police are aware of my special circumstances and have been gracious enough to work around my X-Factor schedule. 

I will have to have one of the show’s producers and a member of security accompany me so that they will be aware of the situation and what protocol to follow if Jamie comes within five hundred feet of me. I will need to talk to them first thing tomorrow. We are all meeting at Wembley for our first practice of the group song all of the contestants will be singing on Sunday night, the first of the live results shows. That will last all day and then the press conference is from four to five. Maybe I can talk to Harry tomorrow morning about all of this. Maybe he can help me tell the producers. I just hope that this situation won’t put my position on the show in jeopardy.

To: Niall

Good morning baby!! I’ll see you in an hour. xx 

I am awoken by Harry’s text and it immediately puts a smile on my face. I stretch and yawn and then reply.

To: Hxx

Hey baby. I can’t wait! I’m just sorry I won’t be able to give you the type of hello that I would like ;) I do actually need to talk to you. Do you think that is possible? Could we have five minutes? It’s important.

To: Niall

I would really like to do some things to you too, but I know we can’t : ( And of course we can talk. Are you ok? You aren’t going to break up with me are you?

To: Hxx

Yes, I’m fine and no….I’m not breaking up with you! I need to talk to you about the Jamie situation.

To: Niall

Good! I would be completely upset if you changed your mind! And what about Jamie? He isn’t a part of your life anymore…..right?

To: Hxx

It’s a difficult situation. You know that. I just need to talk to you and get your advice. I have to get ready. Liam, Zayn and Ryan are all almost ready to go. I’ll see you soon, babe. xx

To: Niall

Ok. See ya in a little bit. xx

 

We were all at Wembley by nine am. Luckily each group got to meet with their mentor for a few minutes before we had to go to begin learning the song and choreography for the group performance.

Seeing Harry when I first arrived was difficult. All of the cameras were around, along with all of the show’s producers, staff and all of the other contestants. Harry and I only smiled and waved at each other but it was clear on both of our faces that we both longed for more.

Liam, Ryan, Zayn and I were all gathered together in corner of the stadium waiting for Harry to come and talk to us about the upcoming week. Each mentor was allowed a half hour with their contestants before practicing would begin.

“Hey guys! Great to see you all again!” Harry exclaimed as he made his way over to us. He hugged the boys, saving me for last. I wanted our hug to continue forever but sadly it was over as quickly as the hugs he gave the others.

“So I have been informed that tomorrow morning I will meet with each of you individually to discuss what song you will be performing on Saturday night” He states and we all give our undivided attention to our mentor, my boyfriend. Harry continues.

“This week will be The Number Ones. Obviously meaning songs that have held number one positions on music charts. Tomorrow when I meet with you individually, we will go over the possible song choices and come up with the best song for each of you. I really want you all to have a say in what you will be singing. I will be there to give my professional opinion but ultimately the song choice is yours.” He smiles then his face returns to a serious one.

“However, this is still a competition and if I feel that the song just isn’t working or doesn’t show your talents, I will pick a song that I feel will be best. Good?” He finishes and we all smile and nod.

“Alright. Great! Now you may all go and enjoy the fun that will be choreography. You all have a long day ahead of you. Do your best!” He smiles and pulls us in for a group hug.

After a few moments we all pull away and the boys head towards the stage. I stay behind so that I can speak to Harry really quickly. I notice that the cameras have made their way over to where the contestants are gathering on the stage.

“Baby” I whisper so that I know only Harry will hear. I lightly pull on his elbow, using that action to get his attention as well. He turns to face me and smiles.

“Hi” He says softly and sweetly. I smile and release his arm. “You needed to speak with me?”

“Yes” I say and begin. “I have to talk to the London police today at six about my restraining order on Jamie and they suggested that I have one of the show’s producers and a member of security accompany me. I need to tell them but I am afraid. I was wondering if you would go with me to tell a producer.”

“Of course I will. I’ll tell them that you just told me what was going on. The practice isn’t starting for about twenty minutes so wait right here and I’ll go and get the right person for you to talk to, ok?” He said and placed his hands on my shoulders. I look up to see Liam and Zayn noticing the interaction between Harry and me. Liam cocks his eyebrow at me as Harry walks away in search of a producer. I mouth that I will tell them later. They both nod and join the other contestants.

Harry is back at my side within a minute or so with an older gentleman.

“Hello, Niall. I am Richard Smith.” He holds out his hand for me to shake and I join my hand with his. “Harry said you informed him of something just now and it needed to be brought to the attention of a producer, so here I am. What can I do for you?” he smiles politely. I am glad Harry chose a nice producer for me to speak with. I smile and take a deep breath.

“Yes….um….well just over a week ago I was in ….. I guess ….an altercation.” I said sheepishly and slightly pointed to my face. Mr. Smith looked me over. “I see” He said and continued. “We do have a no violence rule Niall and I’m afraid if you caused anyone harm…” I cut him off.

“No, no, no” I said calmly. He nodded and let me continue. “I had this boyfriend and well he …. he um …did this to me. It was an abusive relationship and last week, he got angry and did this and chased me to my house. Long story short, police got involved, I was taken to the hospital, he was arrested and released and I have a restraining order against him. He actually lives in London and the police in my home town in Ireland have set me up with the police here and I have a meeting with them this evening at six and they want a show producer and a member of security there with me as well just so you will be informed about the restraining order and such.” I finish and I feel Harry’s hand rubbing my back in comfort. I am watching Mr. Smith’s face, waiting for him to respond.

“I am sorry you had to go through something like that, Niall. I would be more than happy to accompany you and I will get Paul from security to come with us. He is head of security and so he should be privy to all that is going on.” 

“Thank you so much Mr. Smith. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to be a part of the show anymore because of all of this.” I said with relief in my voice. Mr. Smith smiled and placed a hand on each of my shoulders. “No worries, Niall. And please call me Rich.” I nodded.

“But we need to keep this to ourselves. This will remain between a few certain producers, security, Harry, myself and you. We will need a story for the bruises.” He stated and I smiled.

“I have been telling everyone that I was in a car accident. Liam Payne and Zayn Malik know the truth because we have become great friends since boot camp and they’ve met Jamie before. That’s his name…well nick name. His name is James Cromwell.” Rich nodded.

“Ok. Car accident it is. After the press conference you, me and Paul will go over to the precinct. If anyone asks, we have to go to the main offices for you to complete some paper work that was missed.”

“Thank you so much. Really.” I say with a smile and he returns it.

“It’s no problem Niall. Now get on the stage. You have a lot of practicing to do” He smirks and I nod. I smile at them both and join the others on the stage.

It was now six and I was sat in an office at the police head quarters with Mr. Smith and Paul Higgins. Rich informed Paul about the situation and Paul comforted me and told me that nothing would happen while he was on watch. A police officer carrying a file enters the office only minutes later.

We all stand and greet the officer. He introduced himself as Captain William Brooks. We sat and Captain Brooks began to speak.

“Niall, I need you to confirm that the picture in this file is who you know to be James Landon Cromwell” He opens the file and slides the picture over to me. I look and nod. “That’s him” I respond with sadness in my voice. Captain Brooks nods. He then hands the picture over to Paul.

“You’ll probably want this. You can show the rest of your security team.” Paul takes the photo and thanks Captain Brooks.

“This isn’t our first run in with James” He says and my eyes go wide. Captain Brooks continues. “Yes. He has a juvenile record. He used to fight a lot and after his parents died he had more run ins with us because of various bar fights. We thought that maybe he was turning his life around because he went to University and got his degree and for those few years he wasn’t in any trouble, so you can imagine our surprise when his file came back across my desk. I am sorry that you had to go through all of this, Niall. Especially at such a young age.” 

“Thank you.” I replied.

“Ok. So it states in the restraining order that James Landon Cromwell is not to be within five hundred feet of Niall James Horan. He is to have no contact in any way. We also added that he is prohibited from attending any X-Factor related shows, tours, outings, meet and greets, etcetera. I understand that you changed your phone number and that is good. You are to contact us immediately if James is breaking the restraining order. James was in here on Friday and he was informed of all of this as well. Should you have any problems, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” He finishes and stands up from his desk. We all stand with him. He hands us each a business card and supplies myself and Paul with copies of the order. We say goodbye and exit the precinct through the same way we entered; a private back entrance. We get into the awaiting black s.u.v. and drive off. 

I thank Rich and Paul for everything and they assure me that all will be ok. I am dropped back off at the house by seven thirty and am greeted by Liam and Zayn. We walk out onto the back deck for some privacy and I tell them everything that went on. 

“It’s getting a bit chilly out here. I’m going in.” Zayn says and stands. Liam stands up from the patio bench as well.

“You coming, Ni?” Liam asks.

“No. I think I’ll stay out here for a little while longer.” I reply. They nod and go back inside.

It is really cold out here but I needed privacy to call Harry. When I made sure that there was no one around, I took out my phone and called him.

“Hey baby. How did it go?” He asked.

“Good. Everything is squared away. I learned that Jamie has a record already. He used to be in a lot of fights and got in trouble all the time. I guess I never really knew the real Jamie.” I sighed.

“It’s ok, babe. How could you have known? You are safe now and that is what is most important.”

“Yeah. Anyway, enough with the heavy stuff. We get to have a meeting alone tomorrow morning!”

“Not really. Cameras will be there. I hate that you have been in London since yesterday and we have seen each other but we haven’t even been able to hug like I want or even kiss your perfect lips like I am wanting to.”

“I know. But we knew it would be like this. We will find time away babe. Even if it is just for a minute.”

“I hope so.” He sighed.

“Me too. Well, I should go get rest. I have a meeting with my sexy mentor in the morning” I chuckled out. He laughed with me.

“And I have a meeting with a hot and sexy blonde. I can’t wait.” He beamed. I smiled. “Goodnight, baby”

“Night, babe. I’ll see you in the morning. Bye”

“Bye”

I put my phone back in my pocket and hurried my cold and goose bump riddled body inside and into the comfort and warmth of my bed.

 

I was brought to my meeting with Harry at nine this morning. The meeting was taking place in a studio in down town London. The building was quiet large and had a cool, laidback feeling and décor. I followed security down a long hallway that had walls adorned with framed platinum records of various artists; Harry’s included. I smiled at the thought of my boyfriend’s many accomplishments. It still felt surreal to call Harry my boyfriend but I am getting more and more use to it as the days pass.

Paul opened the door at the end of the hall and I walk into a large room and immediately notice Harry’s back. He is sitting at a large mixing and sound table, messing around with all of the knobs and tuners and such. He hears us step into the room and turns his chair. He smiles wide, showing off his, too cute for his own good, dimples. I smile back. Cameras are in the room so we can do no more than smile.

Paul exits the room but not before telling me that he will be waiting for me outside. I nod and he closes the door. Harry stands to greet me.

“Hey Niall. Great to see you” He exclaims and pulls me in for a very quick hug; all of this being captured for the cameras. I return the hug.

“Nice to see you too, Harry.” We pull apart and he pulls out a chair for me to sit in. I sit in the very comfortable studio chair and Harry takes his seat next to me. He reaches under the table and pulls out a folder and sets it in my lap. His fingers graze my thighs and I have to try my hardest not to moan at the contact that I was longing for and slightly received. I see a smirk on his face. He knew what he was doing.

“So” he began and opened the folder. “These are the songs that have already been cleared for contestants to perform. There are about two hundred and fifty number ones in there. So plenty to choose from. But if you have something else in mind that is not in this file please let me know and I can see about getting it approved.”

“Ok” I reply with a smile and begin to peruse the song lists.

“Do you know if you want to sing a ballad or an up tempo song? Pop, Rock, R and B…Soul?” He asks and I look up to meet his gaze. Trying not to lean in to meet his lips that are only a few feet away from me. I sit back in the chair trying to put some more distance between us as the cameras continue to roll.

“I am actually thinking that I would like to start off with a ballad.” I said and looked to him for confirmation. He simply nodded. I skimmed my eyes over the songs and one stood out. I smiled thinking about how amazing the song is and how I know I can sing it really well. I looked up at Harry and he returned my smile.

“Find one, did ya?” He beamed. I smiled, nodded and showed him.

“Well then let’s see how you sound on it” He fiddled around with the computer and in about five minutes I heard the music start.

“Get in the booth” He said and pointed behind the glass. “Do you need the words or do you already know them?” 

“I know them” I replied and walked to where he was pointing. I picked up the ear phones and put them on. 

“Sing the first verse and through the first chorus, yeah?” I nodded and Harry pushed a couple buttons and I began to hear the music in my ears. I closed my eyes and smiled and waited for my cue.

“We belong together. And you know that I’m right. Why do you play with my heart, why do you, play with my mind. Said we’d be forever. Said it’d never die. How could you love me and leave me and never say goodbye. 

Oh I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight. And each time I try I just break down and cry. Pain in my head, oh I’d rather be dead. Spinning around and around.

Although we’ve come to the end of the road. Still I can’t let go. It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you. Come, to the end of the road. Still I can’t let go. It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you”

I pulled the earphones off as the music died down. I opened my eyes and saw Harry smiling at me. I grinned and walked out of the booth.

“That was really good, Niall. I mean, really. That is a great song for you.” He said and rubbed his hand up and down my arm a couple times before pulling away.

“Thanks” I replied and I saw Harry take out his phone and start texting. I took a seat and looked over the song lists while I waited for him to finish. Some of the camera crew started telling me that I did really well. I thanked them and started a conversation with them; talking about random things. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Harry put his phone away and started fiddling with the mixing board again. I pulled out my phone and looked at the text message that was waiting.

To: Niall

Baby that was so good. I just want to kiss you so badly right now. There is a bathroom just down the hallway and at the end of the second hall to the right. Go there in five minutes….please. ;)

I put the phone back in my pocket like it was no big deal. There was a knock on the door and in pops Lou.

“Hey Niall!” He says excitedly. I wave to him. “Harry, could I borrow you for a minute. Sorry to interrupt.”

“Yea, sure Lou. No problem.” Harry stands and turns to me. “I’ll be right back and we can finish up.” I smile and nod. Lou gives me a knowing look. I cast my eyes down to my feet. Louis must know about Harry and I. Harry must have told him that we are dating and I have a feeling that Lou will be helping Harry and I have some alone time. I smile at the thought of having someone on our side. I sit for a couple minutes and then stand up from my chair.

“Would any of you happen to know where the bathroom is?” I ask the crew even though Harry just told me. One of the guys answered.

“Thank you. I’ll be right back” I said to them and they nodded and moved out of the way of the door. I walked down the hallway and turned down the second hallway on the right and walked to the end of it and found the bathroom that Harry texted me about. I turned the knob but it was locked. I stepped back slightly and heard the lock click and the door slightly open. I push the door open a little more for me to sneak in.

“Hi baby” Harry breathed on my neck as his arms wrapped around me from behind. He must have been behind the door. I made sure the door was closed and locked. I leaned into his touch and turned my body around to face him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his arms were tightly wrapped around my waist. We stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments before simultaneously leaning in so that our lips would finally be able to meet like we had both been wanting.

There is no way to describe the kiss other than, perfect. We pulled away a minute later.

“This is so hard, baby. I don’t know how I am going to be able to keep up with this. It is so difficult to see you every day and not be able to hold you or kiss you. I hate it” I whispered into his neck. He placed a kiss on my head and lingered there for a few moments. He breathed in deeply.

“I know babe. It’s hard for me too. But I’ll put up with it as long as I know we are together.” He lifted my chin so that my eyes met his. He pulled me back into another kiss. This one more passionate, needy, and it soon became lust filled. 

He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He supported me against the wall and I rolled my hips onto his. He softly groaned and began kissing down my neck. I pulled on his hair and pushed my hips into his, over and over. His hands ran up under my shirt on my back and held me tightly to his body. He pulled us away from the wall and walked us over to a soft bench like thing that was on the opposite wall from the toilet. This bathroom was actually really large and fancily decorated. I thanked God for that bench.

He sat down, never letting go of me. I was now seated in his lap, straddling his hips. I grinded down onto him once more and he moaned and gripped my hips. He pushed my shirt up and bent down to begin kissing the top of my chest. I held onto his hair tighter and arched my back at the amazing tingles and chills that were taking over my body due to his lingering touches. I moaned more loudly than I should have and immediately buried my head into the crook of his neck. His hands ran down to my thighs and he squeezed me tight. I bit and sucked at his neck, in the place I knew to give him great pleasure.

“Jesus Niall” He moaned and his hips lifted up to grind into mine.

“Baby….you taste so good” I whispered into his ear and nibbled on the lobe. I brought my lips back to his and began kissing my sexy boyfriend again. Unfortunately about thirty seconds later we were disturbed by light knocking on the door. I pulled away and my eyes went wide.

“It’s just Lou” Harry whispered. I groaned knowing that my time with Harry is now over. I reluctantly got up off of his lap. He stood up next to me and placed one more kiss on my lips.

“I’ll see you back in the studio in a few minutes ok.”

“Ok.” I replied and unlocked and opened the door. I walk out to see Lou smirking at me across the hall.

“Those were some noises, Niall” He joked quietly. I blushed a tad but returned the smirk without a word and made my way back to the studio and took my original seat and resumed a conversation with the camera crew. Harry rejoined us about ten minutes later. 

I smirked when I took notice of a slight shimmer on the left side of his neck. Make up covering the hickey I must have left. I guess I’ll have to be more careful.

“So, Niall. I think that it is a great song choice and you’ll work with Savaan for the rest of the week. I’ll pop into some of your rehearsals and check your progress.” He says and then looks at his watch.

“Well, I guess our time is up. You have rehearsals you have to be to in about a half hour. I’ll probably stop by Wembley later to check on how you boys are doing.” He stood up and I did as well.

“Thank you so much, Harry. I’ll see you later” I said and held out my hand for him to shake. He did and gave my hand a gentle, knowing squeeze and then we let go. I walked out of the studio, camera crew following behind me. I waved to Lou, who was walking down the hall. He nodded and I met Paul outside and got back into the vehicle and was soon back at Wembley.

It was nonstop the entire week. I had rehearsals for my song and the group performance. We had interviews and meetings. It was all fast paced and sadly the last time I was really able to spend time with Harry was in that bathroom on Tuesday.

Saturday night came quicker than I thought it would. There was much debate on what I would wear but Harry butted in and said that I would get to wear what ever made me feel most comfortable. He said that is the way it will be with all of his boys. He wanted us to be ourselves and for me a suit and tie would not work. I ended up wearing a pair of fitted dark wash jeans and a plain white button down with the sleeves rolled up to three quarters. I made sure the necklace that Harry gave me was outside the shirt on full display. I haven’t taken it off since I received it from him the night of my birthday. 

I was really pleased with my performance and I received great applause and screams from the audience. I also got great feedback from the judges, including Simon who I am still a bit nervous around but he was gracious to me so I was happy.

Sunday night I was full of nerves. Liam, Zayn, Ryan and I stayed close the entire evening. We did the whole group performance and then went back stage to change into our individual outfits for the evening. Soon it was time for all the contestants to join their judge on stage while Dermot read out the acts that were safe. Two acts were going home tonight. My name was called first and I jumped in excitement. I was pulled into a group hug by the boys and then I was able to finally hug Harry. Of course we couldn’t do more than share in the excitement of my getting through but it was enough for me at the moment. I made my way off the stage and waited to see who else would be joining me. 

Luckily all of us boys were safe and moving onto next week. Sunday night was spent celebrating with the others that made it through, after seeing the two acts who didn’t make it, off. It was sad as we all have grown somewhat close. A girl named Jenny and a group called No Limits were the ones eliminated. That left Louis Walsh with three acts, he had the groups. Cheryl Cole and Harry still with four acts. Cheryl had the over twenty eights. And Simon, who had the girls, with three acts. 

I was lying in bed after our celebration. The boys had already fallen asleep. Ryan and Liam snore a bit and Zayn seems to talk in his sleep. I could hear each of their ‘night’ sounds. I chuckled lightly. My phone began buzzing.

To: Niall

Just wanted to say goodnight, baby! I’m so proud of you. I’ll see you in the morning! xx

To: Hxx

Thanks, babe! See you tomorrow! Goodnight xx 

I slid my phone under my pillow and closed my eyes; dreaming of what the next week would bring.

 

Monday morning was the second week that all the contestants had to do the video diary things for the fans. Everyone had a set time throughout the day. Mine would always be at eight am. I am a little bothered that I have to get up so early on Monday morning but it is something that I must do for my dream.

The first video diary was kind of awkward. I really didn’t know what to say. I pretty much just introduced myself and was told to tell the fans where they can send questions for me. I also talked about what the contestants’ house was like and so on. It was basically a two minute video of me rambling. At least this morning I will have some questions that I can answer so I won’t have to come up with things on my own.

I take my place on the stairs and begin recording.

“Hey guys! This is my video diary, week two. This past weekend was so amazing. I was really taken back by all of the applause that I received and very grateful for it and thank you to everyone who voted for me to stay in the competition. It really means so much and I appreciate it. A lot. I was very sorry to see Jenny go. She was a great girl. Also all the lads in No Limits were fun to hang around with. I’ll miss them all.” I now had to read some questions.

“So I have some questions that some of you had sent in. The first is from Theresa of Portsmouth and she asks ‘When did you first start singing? By the way, you are gorgeous’” I blushed and I am sure it was visible for the camera.

“Thanks, Theresa. I think I really started singing when I was maybe twelve, not one hundred percent sure but I started playing the guitar first. I think that was my first love in music, my guitar.” Next question. Oh lord.

“Next question is from Adam of Killarny. Yay Ireland!” I joke and half fist pump. “His question or questions, I should say are ‘As someone who is gay, I was wondering when did you first know you were gay and what do you look for in a guy and are you single and thank you for being a positive role model for young gay guys.’” How do I reply? Truthfully I guess. Well except for the single question.

“Thanks, Adam. I guess I really don’t consider myself a role model. I am just being myself and am true to who I am and I hope that everyone, no matter who they love, can be honest about it. I realized I was gay when I was thirteen and um….yes…..I’m…single. What I look for in a guy would be someone that I can hold a conversation with and someone who is kind and a love for music would be a plus. I also kind of have a weakness for a nice smile and nice eyes” I move on to the last question.

“So the final question is from Emily of Bristol. Hello Emily! Emily asks ‘are you happy you have Harry as a mentor and how is he?’ Yes. I was really happy when I found out that it would be Harry to mentor the boys. We can relate to him, I think, because he is young like us and he started out in the music business when he was a teen and I think he has a lot that he can teach us. He is so talented and I aspire to be as successful as him one day. He is really great.” I have to stop myself there because I could go on and on about how great Harry is and I know I would eventually end up blushing at the thoughts of him.

“Well that is all the questions I can do today. Thank you so much and I’ll see you next week!” I smile brightly and wave to the camera.

A couple hours later all of the contestants are at Wembley rehearsing the new group song for Sunday night. I am meeting with Harry in about a half hour to choose a song for Saturday. We were informed that it was Musical Hero’s week. I am not really sure who I will choose as a musical hero. I like so many musicians but I guess I have to choose an artist that I look up and one that has a song that will show my voice off well.

“So do you know which artists’ song you would like to perform?” Harry asks as we sit in the back of the arena.

“Yeah actually. I really think that I would like to sing one of Michael Bublé’s songs.”

“That’s great! I think that all of his songs are approved for singing. It might be best if you choose a more up tempo song this week since you did a ballad last week. You should show off your versatility.” He said with confidence and I smiled. He always knows what to say to make me happy.

“I agree. What about…… Just Haven’t Met You Yet? I love that song. It’s one of my favorites.” I raise my eyebrows and wait for his opinion.

“Great song. You’ll start practicing with Savaan tomorrow and I’ll be by on Wednesday to watch rehearsals and see if the song is working.” He smiles in reply. “Well, I have to go meet with the other boys. I’ll see you on Wednesday, Niall. Have fun today” He said and stood up and began to walk away. We said goodbye and waved but it sucks. 

I want to be able to hold him. I want to be able to kiss him. Does he see that I am longing for his touch? He just walked away so easily and acted like it was no big deal. I know we have cameras on us and I know I agreed to this secret relationship and I also knew going into this that we couldn’t show anything but a mentor/mentee relationship. It is just really difficult. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I almost wish he wasn’t famous and wasn’t a judge or that I wasn’t on the X-Factor. On the other hand, it was because of the X-Factor that we were able to meet but maybe we would have met in other circumstances. I slumped in my chair feeling somewhat defeated. I sighed and took a few more deep breaths before rejoining the rehearsals.

We are kept so busy throughout the week that I barely have any time to make calls to my parents. I try to sneak in at least five or ten minutes every other day. I know they worry and so me calling them frequently puts their fears aside, somewhat. It’s the least I can do to repay them for all of the support they have given me.

Harry stopped in for rehearsals on Wednesday and Thursday this week. He seemed pleased, for the most part, with everyone’s progress and he was gone about an hour later. We have texted a couple times and have had one two minute phone call. I can tell the stress of this relationship is weighing on my performance. Harry and Savaan made a comment on Thursday that it didn’t seem like I was trying. I am trying. It’s just that it is really difficult for Harry to act and look at me like I am just another kid on a show.

I decided last night that I have to stop obsessing over mine and Harry’s unconventional relationship. It is affecting how I am singing and this competition should be my main priority. I know I need to find some time to talk about this with him face to face and tell him how I am feeling. I certainly don’t want to break up with him. That is the furthest thing from my mind. I just need to let him know that I am going to try to separate our relationship from the show as much as possible. It may seem like I am avoiding him or pulling away and I want to assure him that that is not the case.

Friday morning brought more rehearsals, exhaustion and the beginnings of receiving fan mail. It is weird to think that I receive fan mail. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have fans. Everyone got a good bit of mail and we all had about an hour of down time to go through it.

In my stack there were pictures, drawings, some rude and sexual notes and some really sweet letters. I tried to read all of them but by the time the hour was up, I still had about five remaining. I made a mental note to go through the remaining ones tonight before bed.

Ryan was down stairs and Liam and Zayn were sitting on the bottom bunk of their bed. I looked at my watch and realized that we had to be leaving for Wembley. I looked up to get their attention and I saw Liam hand a letter to Zayn. Their hands touched, probably on accident, but they just froze and looked into each other’s eyes. It was like slow motion. Awkward!

“Hey guys!” I called trying to pull them from their weird daze. They are both straight, have girlfriends and I know they are probably feeling just as awkward to be in this situation as I am watching it unfold. 

“Guys!” I say a little louder and with more force. They snap their heads in my direction and drop the letter and their hands quickly.

“Huh?” Zayn says. I chuckle. “We have to go.” I say to them and stand from my bed and shake my head in quiet laughter as I exit our room. I hear shuffling behind me and then am joined by them only seconds later. Liam on my left side and Zayn on my right.

I flop onto my bed after a long day of rehearsals and want to immediately go to sleep but I know that I have a few more letters to read. I pull them from the box under my bed and begin.

The first two were pretty graphic and described what the individual would like to do to my body. It was a bit uncomfortable. The next two were really sweet and saying that they hope that I win the show and they will be voting for me. I really smile when I read things like that. I really appreciate all of the support I am receiving.

I open the envelope to the last letter and pull out the paper inside. I began to read.

Niall,

You are amazing. I love watching you perform and watching all of the behind the scene videos they display on line. Your voice is perfect and you always look so handsome and sexy. 

Everyone obviously knows you are gay but you claim to be single. Surely you must have a boyfriend or someone that you love very deeply and should be with. Are you lying?

I feel we have a connection and I feel like you sang that song last week just for me. “You belong to me, I belong to you” 

I want to be able to hold you and whisper in your ear how perfect you are and how you should be mine.

I hope to see you soon, Niall. 

Niall. I love saying your name. It rolls off my tongue like it was meant for me to say it. Niall.

With Love,

Your biggest fan.

 

Ok. So that was maybe a little bit creepy and I might be a little freaked out. I flip the envelope over to see who it is from but there is no return address. I guess I shouldn’t really stress over this. It’s just a letter. I brush off the creepy feeling, put the letter back in its envelope and put it with the rest of the mail under my bed. I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is rehearsals and then live shows.

To: Hxx

Just wanted to say goodnight, baby. I really miss you. xx

I wait a few minutes for his reply but I fell asleep before one came in.

My alarm was going off and I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to move. I heard a grunt come from the other bed. I pulled my pillow over my head to drown out the noise.

“Shut it off, Niall” a voice slurred at me and then I felt something hit my side. I peeked out from under my pillow to see Zayn up on one elbow and no pillow under his head. I looked down and saw his pillow on my legs. I huffed and groggily fumbled for the alarm to shut it off. I plopped my head back down on my bed and took a few waking up breaths and stretched. 

The boys began to rustle in their beds and I was beginning to hear the noises from the other contestants already down stairs. 

I pulled my phone out from under my pillow and saw the notification that I had a text. The text that I fell asleep waiting for last night.

To: Niall

Goodnight, babe. I miss you too. Do you think we could meet in our ‘secret room’ tomorrow? I am sure you can excuse yourself to the bathroom or something and I’ll meet you in there during one of the breaks. I really want to see you. Alone. Sweet dreams, baby.

I smiled. This could be the start to a very good day.

After the first run through we were allowed a fifteen minute break. I sent a glance to Harry. Lou caught that and smiled at me. I returned the smile and told the boys that I was going to the toilet and to walk around a bit to clear my head of the nerves for tonight.

I was in our ‘secret office’ a couple minutes later and was sat on the desk waiting for Harry. He arrived just a minute after me. He opened the door, locked it and was in front of me in a couple seconds. 

He immediately brought our lips together and grabbed both sides of my hips. My arms snaked around his neck, deepening the kiss. I felt his body press into mine and I began to feel my body fall back onto the surface of the desk. I was now lying on the desk with my head at one end and I had to bend my legs to have my feet placed at the other end. He rested in between my bent knees and immediately began to grind down onto my pelvis. I bucked my hips up into his. We both moaned at the contact. 

I moved my lips to the side of his neck and began to bite down in pleasure. Each time he grinded his hips down, I kissed and bit harder. I felt his heavy breathing in my ear and his moans of ecstasy went right to my, now, throbbing erection.

I knew we had to stop. We couldn’t go any further. I allowed our lust to continue for another minute before I brought my hands up to his chest and began to push him up slightly. He placed a couple more open mouth kisses on the base of my neck and slowly pushed his body up off of mine. When he was standing back on his feet, I just lay there on my back, gazing up to the ceiling, sexual frustration evident in my eyes. My hands gripped the sides of the desk and I began to calm my breathing. 

I felt his hands grab hold of each of my ankles and then in one swift move, he tugged on my legs and pulled me down to the end of the desk. I came to an abrupt stop when my groin hit the tops of his thighs. I could still feel his pronounced erection. 

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked directly into his eyes.

“Wow” I breathed out. “That was some hello” I smirked and winked. He quietly laughed and helps me sit all the way up.

“I really miss you, Niall” Harry whispers and tucks his head into the crook of my neck. I rub his back gently and in comfort. 

“I miss you too.” I know this would be the time to tell him how I am feeling. We still have a few minutes left before I have to get back to rehearsals.

“Harry” I say, pulling away from our embrace.

“Yea, babe?” He asks and moves over to the chair that is in front of the desk. He takes a seat and wheels himself in front of me. He places his hands on my thighs and looks up at me, waiting for me to speak.

“I am feeling a bit stressed out. I am just always worrying about us not being able to hold each other when we see one another and I hurt every time I see you walk away from me like I am just another random person. I know that we have to date in secret but it is just getting really hard for me and I know it is affecting my performance.”

“I’m so sorry Niall.” He replies and drops his head onto one of my legs. “I’m really sorry.” He whispers and I run my hands through his hair. I gently take a hold of his head and lift his head back up to look at me.

“I really want to do my best in this competition and I really want us but I am going to have to focus all of my attention on the competition during the day. I just don’t want you to think that I am trying to pull away from you or ignoring you. It is just so difficult to be near you and not be able to kiss you or hug you for longer than a couple seconds. I really hope you understand.” I finish and drop my head and sigh.

“I know it’s hard for you, baby. It’s very hard on me too. You don’t know how much I want to touch you every time I see you. It kills me. And I am sorry that our relationship is affecting your performance. I just don’t want you to break up with me. Niall, we can figure something out. Please just don’t break up with me.” I hold onto each side of his face. I lift it up slightly and I bring my lips down to meet his. I kiss him and pull my lips from him and look into his eyes. 

“I am not breaking up with you. I just wanted you to know my feelings and I don’t want you thinking anything bad if you feel me taking a step back from you when we are rehearsing. I am not pulling away or ignoring you. I am just doing what I feel will be easier for us.”

“Ok.” He replied, sadly and then began rubbing my thighs. It started off gentle and soft but then his hands kept going higher and higher with each pass and his fingers curled in to grip my skin. Soon after his hands were meeting my member with each swipe. I gripped onto his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around my back side and pulled me off the desk and into his lap. It was so sexy and hot and I instantly got hard from the action.

The grinding, kissing, biting and moaning continued for a few more minutes. He was the first to pull away this time. We both took a few moments to catch our breaths.

“I want you so bad, Niall.” He said and ran his hand up under my shirt and across my back.

“Me too, baby” I replied and grabbed hold of his chest and pushed down on his erection once more. He tilted his head back in pleasure.

“I’ll figure something out. I’ll have Lou help me or something. I need to get you alone for a few hours. I need to feel your body under me and on top of me and jesus, Niall. I just need to feel your naked body next to me.”

“Damn it, Harry.” I whisper in his ear. “You have to stop talking like this. We only have another minute or so before I have to be out there. But for the love of God, please figure something out because I want the same thing.” I finished and placed a kiss just below his ear.

I pushed myself up off of his lap and his hands ran down the length of my body, over my backside and finally finding their resting place just at the top of the back of my thighs. He scooted the chair closer to me and rested his head on my lower stomach. I held my hands in his hair and after a couple seconds he slowly began to rise up from his seated position.

“Good luck tonight, babe. I know you will do amazing” He said and placed a kiss on my lips.

“Thanks.” I hugged him and pulled away and walked to the door. “I’ll see you tonight” He nodded and I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me. I looked down the hall and saw the coast was clear. I hurried back to the stage and joined the rest of the group.

 

“Lastly, I just want to say thank you all again so much for the votes and keeping me in the competition. I had so much fun on Saturday night. Michael Bublé is easily one of my favorite musicians and that was one of my favorite songs of his. Thank you for keeping me here another week and I hope you will continue to vote for me. I’ll see you all next week!” I waved and winked at the camera just as I was finishing up with the third video diary.

I went up to my room and lay back on my bed. I still had about a half hour before we had to leave for Wembley. 

I am still shocked that I made it through last night. My name was last to be called for the boys. It was nerve wracking but Harry had his hand on my shoulder the entire time. I was very appreciative of that.

We haven’t had another intimate moment since Saturday and it was making me crave him more. I knew that I would see him this morning one on one when we discuss what this week’s song will be, but again, cameras will be on us.

Last night, luckily for Harry, all of us boys were safe. A guy from the over twenty eights and another group were eliminated. My phone buzzes, breaking me from my thoughts.

To: Niall

Good morning, handsome. Glad to have you around for another week! I do have a question for you. What are your feelings on sneaking out? ;)

Oh, God. What is he thinking?

To: Hxx

Glad to be here for another week! And sneaking out….? Ummm..the thought makes me nervous if I am honest.

To: Niall

What if the reward is worth the risk??!! ;) Just think about it and Lou will talk to you more about what I am thinking later this morning. You’ll have a better chance of talking to him without suspicion. I really hope you are agreeable to what I have thought up for us!! I’ll see you soon! xx 

To: Hxx

Still a bit apprehensive, but I am willing to listen to the ‘plan’. See you in a little bit! xx 

I really wonder what his plan is. The reward better be really amazing! 

A couple hours later we are finished with the group rehearsals. We will be meeting with the mentors to choose a song for this week. I walk up to Harry and Lou is right next to him. The cameras are right behind me.

“Time to pick another song!” Harry states and I smile and take a seat next to him and Lou.

“So as you know, this week is Guilty Pleasure week. I kind of already have a song in mind for you.” He says with a smile.

“Ok. What is it?”

“Don’t Stop Believing by Journey. What do you think?” He asks. I slightly laugh a bit.

“I am not guilty about loving that song” I smirk and Lou and Harry chuckle with me.

“Well, I think it would be considered a guilty pleasure song and I think you will be able to sing it perfectly. Do you wanna try it out?”

“Absolutely. If you think it is a good song for me, than I believe you. You are the professional after all!” I smile and he ruffles my hair. And we just end up smiling at each other, completely forgetting about the cameras. It’s only a couple seconds later that Louis breaks our gaze by putting his arm around my shoulder.

“I need Niall for a few minutes. We have to talk about styling for this weekend.” Louis says and smiles between Harry and I.

“Yea, sure.” Harry replies. Louis takes my arm and pulls me up and we walk away without another word said to Harry.

Five minutes later, Lou and I are in one of the dressing rooms. No cameras, no contestants, just us. We can talk freely.

“You two got awfully close back there! Good thing I was there to break up the love fest!” He jokes and flicks my nose.

“I know” I say and swat his hand away from my face. “Thanks. I guess we just got caught up for a second.”

“No problem, mate. That’s what I am here for!” He beamed. “Now, has Harry mentioned anything to you about a plan for you two seeing each other?”

“Yea. And it involves me sneaking out of the contestants’ house. How the hell am I meant to do that?”

“The camera crews are gone by eleven and return at six the next morning. So this Thursday night, after everyone has gone to sleep, sneak out the back patio and through the tiny patch of trees on the side of the house that lead to the road. I’ll be there and I’ll take you to Harry’s house.”

“You want me to walk through the woods….at night….You two are crazy!” I whisper yelled, shaking my head. “It’s too risky. What if I get caught?”

“You won’t get caught, Niall. And it’s only like fifty feet of woods, for crying out loud. Is my best friend not worth it?” He said and raised his eyebrow and began tapping his foot and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Of course he is worth it. I am just nervous and rightfully so.” I took a deep breath.

“We won’t let you get caught. Trust us.” His hands are now on top of my shoulders. “So…are you in?”

“Yes. I’m in.”

“Great! Now let’s get you back with the other contestants.

I walked back onto the stage and Lou joined Harry’s side and whispered into his ear. I watch Harry’s face so I could see his reaction. His eyes lit up and he looked at me and smiled. I met his gaze, slightly nodded and dropped my head and smiled.

Tuesday night all of the contestants were brought to the local shops to buy things. But really it was like a big publicity thing. It was so very crowded and you could barely move. I had loads of people asking for pictures and my autograph. 

We were only out for about an hour or just over but by the end of all of it, I was exhausted. I am slightly claustrophobic and being surrounded by hundreds of people, screaming and flashing cameras in our faces really took a lot out of me.

Wednesday was filled with group rehearsals for Sunday night and individual rehearsals. The Journey song that I am singing is sounding really good. I am happy that Harry picked that one for me. It was definitely the right choice.

I woke up Thursday morning to a text from Harry saying he was excited for tonight. I certainly am excited with the prospect of us being one hundred percent alone for a few hours but I am still very hesitant about sneaking out.

“You got more mail, boys” Stewart, a production guy, said to us as he entered our room. 

“These are for Zayn……”He hands off Zayn’s. “Here are Ryan’s……Niall’s……and here you go Liam. The shuttles leave for Wembley in about an hour. So you best be getting ready.” He smiles and we thank him as he leaves.

Right on top is the same colored envelope with no return address, like the last kinda creepy one I got. The boys all set their mail aside stating they would go through them tonight. They began to get ready. I set every piece of mail, except for the potentially creepy one, in my box to read for later. I laid my head back down on my pillow and opened the envelope. The letter was typed like the last. I started to read.

Niall,

Another amazing performance, babe. You are doing quite well. I have been voting for you since the beginning.

I caught a glimpse of you on Tuesday night but sadly there were too many people and I couldn’t get within speaking distance. I want to be near you, Niall. I always want to be near you.

You know when you look into the camera while you are performing, I know you are looking at me. Those hypnotizing blue eyes of yours are only looking at me.

I know we will meet soon, Niall and I am looking forward to that day.

With Love,

Your biggest fan.

Ok, equally creepy as last week’s letter. I think I may have a seriously sketchy fan. I think if I get another one of these, I’ll show them to the producers or security or even Harry and see what he thinks I should do. I put the letter back in the envelope and put it with the one from last week and begin to get ready for the day.

All of the contestants arrived back to the house by six that evening. We all gathered around the catering that was provided and had our fill of food. All of us were playing games, watching movies, singing and just winding down and relaxing from the long day full of rehearsing.

By nine I snuck up to the room and gathered an outfit that I wanted to wear and put it under my pillows. I lay down and decided that I should take a little nap. At eleven I was thankfully awoken by the boys noisily getting ready for bed. I silently thanked them because it would have been awful to be sleeping when I was supposed to be sneaking out to meet Harry. However, for the boys and secrecy sake, I pretended to remain asleep.

At eleven forty five I got out of bed, quietly. I removed my clothing from under my pillows and tip toed into the bathroom. Ryan and Liam’s snoring and Zayn mumbles told me they were deeply asleep. I quickly got ready and without much sound at all, I crept down to the patio and out of the house.

I stood at the edge of the woods and talked myself into going in there. It was still kind of scary to walk through dense trees in the middle of the night but like Louis said, ‘it’s only like fifty feet’. I tried to be as quiet as possible but walking on fall’s leaves without a crunching noise is impossible. 

After a few minutes I could see the road. I hurried my pace and reached the pavement. I looked to my right and saw the tail lights of Louis’ car. I jogged up to the passenger’s side and hopped in.

“Niall” Louis greeted with a smile.

“Louis” I replied. He smirked and began to drive.

Louis is actually a really funny person. We were joking around the entire twenty minute drive. There was not a silent moment between us. It was like we were always meant to be friends. At least I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I definitely have the best friend approval from Louis.

We pulled into Harry’s drive and Louis typed in a code at the gate. The gate opened and we pulled up the longer than needed driveway and parked in front of the house.

“How am I getting back to the house? I have to be back by at least five in the morning.”

“Harry is actually going to take you. He will drop you off in the same spot I picked you up. He has to be at the studio by five thirty.”

“Is that a good idea? I mean…won’t people see him and follow us?” I replied with nerves in my words.

“Don’t worry” He stated and placed an assuring hand on my knee. “No one will know. Harry has became very good at being secretive. Now go and enjoy the alone time.” He stated and wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed and gently pushed his shoulder.

“Thanks for helping us out, Louis. Really.” I say and lean over and pull him into a hug. 

“I’ll do anything for my best friend and the boy he lo…likes.”

“What?” I ask pulling away from the hug.

“Get in there Niall. You don’t have much time with him. Have fun! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I say goodbye and exit the car. I walk up to the front door. Was Louis about to say ‘love’? It must have just been one of those joking around things. I reach the door and see a post it on the front.

It’s open. Come in. (and take this note down after you read it!)

I laugh, remove the note and turn the knob and enter through the large wooden door. I begin to walk down a long corridor and hear soft music playing in the back ground. I smile. It’s a soft melody, perfectly romantic.

I enter the largest living area I have ever seen and there he is. The most handsome and perfect guy I have ever laid eyes on. He slowly walks over to me and grabs my hands. He pulls me into his body and we begin to sway to the music. I melt at how romantic this setting is. The lights are dimmed and I take notice of a bottle of champagne being chilled in a silver ice bucket on the coffee table. There are also chocolate covered strawberries and two champagne flutes.

“This is quite romantic, Mr. Styles. You’ve outdone yourself.” I smile up at him and brush my hand over his temple and run my fingers gently through his hair and stop at the back of his neck.

“I wanted tonight to be perfect for you Niall.” He says in a hushed tone and brings his lips down to meet mine. We kiss passionately while continuing to slow dance to the music.

“Would you like some champagne?”

“Sure” I reply and he leads me over to the sofa. We sit and he takes the bottle and pulls the cork out. It didn’t make that popping sound so I am guessing that he has sampled this particular bottle before. He pours the liquid into the flutes and holds mine out to me and smirks. I smile and bring the glass to my lips. I take a sip and furrow my brows and begin to laugh.

“Harry. This is beer.”

“I know” he laughs and I laugh with him. “I know you aren’t a champagne kinda guy and you Irish men like your beer so I emptied out the champagne and put beer in it for you instead!”

I lean in and place a kiss on his lips. “This is probably the most adorably thoughtful thing anyone has ever done. Thank you, baby. I love it” I swig the rest of the beer in the flute down.

“Here” He says and picks up a strawberry and brings it to my lips. I lick them slightly first and then accept the fruit into my mouth, trying to be as enticing as possible; my eyes never leaving his. I hear a slight moan leave his lips. As I am chewing he lifts his thumb up and runs it softly over my mouth. 

“Chocolate” he whispers and licks the pad of his thumb, removing the sweet from his finger. He holds up another piece and moves it towards my lips once again. I lean in but he pulls it back at the last second and places it between his lips. I push his body back on the couch and climb on top of him and take a seat in his lap; my knees on either side of his hips. I take each side of his face into my hands and lean down and take the strawberry from his awaiting mouth while simultaneously kissing his lips that now taste like berries.

Only minutes later the strawberries and beer were forgotten as we were lost in our own little word of ecstasy. 

After ten or so minutes of teasing touches and lingering kisses, we walked up the stairs to his room. 

It was surprisingly understated. There wasn’t a lot of glitz or glamour but had all of your basic bedroom items. He led me over to the bed. He sat down first and rested back on his hands. I stood in front of him, starting to get slightly embarrassed by the way he was looking at me.

“Don’t get shy, baby” He whispered and brought his hands to my hips. I smiled and grabbed the hem of my shirt, slowly lifting it off of my body. Harry returned to resting on his hands and bit his lip, watching me with hungry eyes as I slowly made my way to the button on my jeans.

I toed off my shoes and undid the button and zipper. I slid them down over my hips and let them fall to the floor. I stepped out of them and pushed them off to the side with my left foot. I lowered myself to my knees in front of Harry and ran my hands up his, still clothed, thighs. He tilted his head back as my hands reached his very hard member. I smiled knowing that I could do that to him without barely any touching. 

My fingers made it to the top of his jeans and I unbuttoned them and pulled them from his lower body. I tossed them to the side of the room where my jeans were. I grazed up his thighs with my fingers and placed gentle kisses up the insides of his legs; this caused him to moan and fall back completely on the bed.

I stood up and looked down on him; my erection growing painfully hard. He removed his shirt and began to inch his body to the top of the bed. I climbed up onto the mattress and crawled up his body, slowly and seductively, on my hands and knees.

“Do you even realize how sexy you are?” He breathed out. I smirked and lowered my head to his neck and began to lick swirling patterns onto his perfect skin.

“I want you on top this time, baby” I whispered into his ear. I felt him nod and wrap his arms around my back and flip us over so that now he was on top of me, lying very comfortably in between my legs.

Everything was slow. We took our time. There was no need to rush. We knew that I had to be back at the house by a certain time so I wouldn’t be caught but we both wanted to savor this precious moment because we knew there wouldn’t be very many of them.

After what felt like an hour of fore play, in which both of us found release, he entered the first of three fingers into my readying body. When I was properly stretched he looked into my eyes and placed a kiss on my lips. It was at that moment that he slid himself in.

He waited for me to give him a sign that I was ready for him to begin moving. I did so by lifting my hips into his. He began to move in and out, slowly and gently.

The pleasure, heat, friction, and ecstasy he was giving me was beyond anything I have ever experienced. He was sweet and loving and all the while continued to kiss my lips, neck and chest.

Our moans were becoming louder and more frequent as both of us were nearing our climax. He wrapped his right hand around my member and began moving it up and down. Only moments later I released and he soon followed. He continued his movements until we were both completely through with our highs. He ran his tongue over my lips and removed himself slowly from my body. He lay onto his side and pressed himself right up next to my warm body. He placed his head on my chest and began running his fingers up and down, from my sternum to my lower abdomen. I wrapped my arms around his back and held onto him at his shoulder; moving my thumb back and forth. I placed a kiss on top of his head. He sighed and tilted his head up to me. I looked down at him and smiled softly.

“Ni” He whispered and looked back down to his fingers, still swirling around my chest.

“Yes, Harry”

“I think I’m falling for you.” He then placed a kiss just below my collar bone. I brought my free hand over to his hand that was on my stomach and intertwined our fingers together. I placed another kiss to the top of his head.

“I think I’m falling, too” I rolled onto my side to face him. We peered into each other’s eyes and brought our lips together. We pulled apart and tangled our bodies together as tightly as they would fit. Deep breaths left both of our mouths and we fell asleep, holding each other closely, just as it should be.

Harry’s alarm began to go off at four. There was no hesitation to get up because we both knew I had to get back to the house in an hour. We showered, dressed and by quarter of five we were back at the spot he would drop me off.

“Last night was perfect, baby. Thank you so much.” I said and held his hands and leaned my head on his shoulder. He kissed my forehead and left his lips there for a few moments.

“You don’t need to distance yourself, Niall. I hope that I showed you that last night. I hope you know that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. I just see us together. I see us being together long term. I can’t see myself with anyone else. You’re perfect for me, babe. We can be perfect together.”

I brought my head up and placed a kiss on his lips. “I know this can work. We’ll make it work. I can’t see myself with anyone else either, Harry. There is only you. You have me for as long as you want me.”

“Well, it looks like you aren’t going anywhere then because I don’t see a time where I’ll not want you. I’ve wanted you since the first moment that I saw you.” We kissed once more.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” I smiled, kissed his cheek and opened the car door. “Have a good day” He smiled and pulled me back in for one last kiss. I hopped out of the car and ran into the woods. I turned back to wave goodbye. 

I was back in my bed by five and no one was the wiser. I quickly fell back asleep.

 

People are beginning to say that I am a crowd favorite. I don’t see how though. Everyone is getting the same amount of attention. Everyone pretty much gets the same amount of fan mail. But there is some tension in the house this morning. It was a difficult elimination last night. That was the last night of a double elimination. Next Sunday there will be only one person going home.

T.J. Sullen, a guy in the over twenty eights group and a girl from Simon’s group were sent home. The reason there is some tension is because one, Harry still has all four of us guys remaining and two, the girl sent home, Celia Rae, started dating Chris, a guy in a trio called CBK. It stands for Chris, Brad and Kurt. Clever, right? Dripping with sarcasm, that was. So now Chris is saying that I should have been the one to be sent home. 

I do have to admit that my performance was lacking a bit on Saturday night. I knew it, the judges commented on it and I wasn’t at all happy with it. Celia did do pretty well and some were shocked when she was sent home. I know I was. But I still don’t feel they should be taking it out on me. I obviously had more people vote for me than her, but certainly I can’t be blamed for that.

It was Monday afternoon and we were at Wembley for rehearsals. We were given an hour break for lunch before we were to meet with our mentors to choose a song for this week. Ryan, Liam, Zayn and I all got our food and sat down at a table. We were deep in our own conversation when we heard people sit down next to us.

“Well, if it isn’t the golden boys, Niall in particular.” Chris said. I had pretty much had enough at that point.

“Listen, Chris. I am really sorry that Celia left. I know you two started dating and I am sure her leaving was harder on you than anyone one else but it really isn’t my fault so I don’t know why you are putting the blame on me. The public voted me to stay. I know I didn’t do my best, but again, the viewers are the ones who kept me here and sent her home. I’m really sorry.” I saw out of the corner of my eye Harry and Lou were listening in. They were far enough away for Chris not really to take notice of them, but with Harry being my boyfriend, I am always aware of his location. Chris continued.

“You did do badly on Saturday. You did worse than most of us. You are using your gayness to gain votes. Talking about how you are honest with yourself and open about you being gay. You obviously get all the gay votes in the UK.”

“That’s enough Chris. You are being quite ridiculous.” Zayn butted in.

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath and cut Chris off as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“You really are being ridiculous. I am not using the fact that I am gay to gain more votes. I am just being myself and I was asked questions about my being gay and I answer everything truthfully. I am really sorry your girlfriend got sent home, she was a really great girl and a beautiful performer, but again, there is no need to hate on me because of it. It was not my doing. Now would you kindly leave us golden boys to finish our lunch?” I stated firmly and he gets up and storms off, his band mates following close behind. The boys begin to laugh quietly and Zayn, who is sitting next to me, pats my shoulder.

“Good one, Ni” He says. I smile and take a bite of my food. I feel a tapping on my shoulder minutes later.

“Niall, could I speak with you in private please?” It was Harry, looking down at me. I nod and then look back to the boys and give them a fake look like I think I might be in trouble. They smirk and bring their attention back to their food. I stand up and follow Harry out of the lunch room and down a long hallway. We are in front of ‘our room’ a minute later. We walk inside.

“I’m sorry if I was out of line but I have been dealing with him all morning and I just got fed up with his incessant snide remarks abou-“ Harry cut me off with a kiss on my lips. I sighed at the pleasure of it and began moving my lips on his.

“Niall I’m not mad at you. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself. I just knew that you would need a few moments to collect your thoughts after all of that. He did say some fairly harsh things. I just wanted to wisk you away, hug and comfort you.” He smiled.

“Well comfort away” I smirked and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to feel his lips on mine once more.

“Did you get in trouble?” Ryan asks as I rejoin the boys at lunch.

“No. He just wanted me to know that he heard what Chris said and not to worry about it.” I filled my mouth with food. The boys nodded and we continued on with our lunch, earning a few glares from CBK.

“So Niall, here is the list of songs to choose from. Its British Band week” Harry says and placed the folder of songs in my hand.

“Oh, can I do Wonderwall by Oasis?” I excitedly ask without even having to look through the list and hand it back to him. He takes the folder from my hand and nods. 

“Sounds good, babe” he says with a huge smile and places his hand on my knee; obviously not thinking before he spoke. My eyes went wide and I subtly looked over at the camera guy who leaned his head out from behind the lens and raised his eyebrow. I acted like I didn’t hear what Harry called me and realization finally hit him and he removed his hand from my knee.

“Well now that you have a song chosen you’ll start practicing with Savaan tomorrow. I’m going to go see the other guys now. Have a good day, Niall.” He stood up and walked away before I could reply. I rose from my seat and made my way to the stage; not looking back at the camera crew.

For the next few days Harry and I pretty much avoided each other like the plague. We maintained at least twenty feet in between us at all times. It was bothersome but needed after his little display in front of the camera crew. 

He has been to see me rehearsing but again we kept the distance. Lou was becoming a personal messenger between the two of us. It was quiet funny actually but it was working quiet well. It wasn’t a bother if Lou and I were close or if he and Harry were close. Everyone knows they are best friends and everyone also knows that Lou is a stylist and would be talking to me regarding outfits and what not.

Wednesday Harry and I did text back and forth a bunch. It was killing me that I couldn’t hug or kiss him, today more than any other. It was our one month anniversary. We both knew each other was upset but we couldn’t even steal a couple minutes of alone time. It was very difficult but I was happy at least being able to text.

We received our fan mail on Thursday and I looked for the creepy letter again but thankfully it wasn’t there.

Tonight I was going to sneak out again. Lou would be picking me up, like last week and brining me to Harry. It has become rather thrilling. The chance of getting caught while sneaking off to see my secret boyfriend is, in my mind, very sexy.

We enter into Harry’s gate and up his drive. I thank Louis and jump out the car and basically run into his house. All this distance that we have been keeping is making me crave him even more.

“Baby” I call as I make my way towards the living room. He walks out of the kitchen and I jump into his awaiting arms.

“God, I missed you so much, baby” I say while placing kisses all over his face and neck. He is holding me tight but doesn’t seem to be reciprocating my feelings. I pull my face away from his neck and look into his eyes; eyes that are currently holding sadness.

He places me back on his feet and we sit on the sofa. He takes my hands in his. “I missed you too, Ni. So much but I have some bad news…well…not bad but….I don’t know, it just sucks.”

“What’s going on Harry?” I ask and card my fingers through his hair. He leans into my touch and sighs.

“Some of the producers saw the tapes from this week. Specifically the part where I called you babe. I got called into the offices and was asked for an explanation. My management just happened to be there as well. And you know that I told them that I am gay but they told me now isn’t the time to come out. Anyway, I told the producers that I was just caught up in your excitement with your song choice and it just came out. I said that I call Lou ‘babe’ sometimes. It’s like a term of endearment for me.”

“Ok. So what did they say?” I asked

“They came right out and asked if I was gay and had feelings for you” My mouth dropped open.

“Wha…what…um…did you say?” I stuttered. 

“Well before I could say anything they told me that after having seen that moment, they began to review some of the tapes and noticed other moments where I was looking at you or smiling or winking. I didn’t know what to say. I looked at William, he is part of my management team, and he nodded. I knew that he was suggesting that I tell the producers that I am gay. So I did. And I told them that I might have some feelings towards you but there is absolutely nothing going on.”

I dropped my head into his lap and stretched my legs out onto the sofa. I looked up to him and weakly smiled. He ran his hand through my hair and his other hand was placed on stomach.

“What are we going to do?” I asked softly. “I don’t want to stop this.” I said and took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips.

“There is more and please don’t get mad.” 

“What?”

“Tomorrow when we all go to the movie premiere I’ll have a date with me. She is some model they are setting me up with. They suggested that I hold her hand down the red carpet and flirt and kiss her cheek and so on.” He finished, sounding defeated and rested his back against the sofa and tipped his head back.

I stayed with my head on his lap for a few minutes thinking about everything. This really does suck. There is no way else to describe it. I don’t want my boyfriend with his hands touching someone else. I don’t want his lips pressing on someone else’s cheek. However, we both knew that we had to keep our relationship a secret and I am still willing to do whatever it takes to be with him. Even if that means seeing him with his arms around that girl or watching as he kisses her cheek. I lift my head from his lap and move myself onto him. Straddling his waist.

“Harry, look at me” I say and lift his head up to meet my eyes. I run my hand over his cheek and place both of my hands on either shoulder and his hands grip my hips.

“I’m ok with the arrangement the producers and your management have made.”

“But ba-“ I cut him off.

“It’s fine Harry. This is something that we have to do to keep what we have a secret. Sure I will be a bit jealous with you being on a ‘date’ with someone else and it may hurt a bit to see you kiss her cheek, but it’s just a kiss on the cheek. It’s not like you are going break up with me and fall madly in love with her in one night. We will be ok. Our relationship will be ok. I believe that, babe.”

Harry smiled and placed a kiss on my lips. He pulled away but held onto my face with his hand and brushed his thumb over my lips. He looked in my eyes deeply. 

“I could never fall in love with anyone else, Niall. It’s only you.” I stare back at him. I know last week we said that we were possibly falling for each other but the words have not yet been spoken. Is that what he is saying? He sees the questioning in my eyes and nods ever so slightly.

“Yes, Niall. I do love you. I have fallen in love with you.” He places a kiss on the side of my lips and holds it there for a few moments.

“I love you too, Harry.” I breathe softly and bury my head into his neck. I feel his hands run up the length of my back underneath my shirt.

“I not sure when we can have another moment like this, love. Let’s make tonight count” He whispers in my ear sending chills right down my spine and blood rushing to my member, beginning to make me firm. He guides me to his bedroom and once inside, he closes the door. We were able to celebrate our anniversary like we both wanted to yesterday.

I was back in my bed by five the next morning. I had a couple more hours to sleep and dream about the incredibly amorous actions that transpired between Harry and me. We had just declared our love for one another and I think because of that it made every touch, every kiss, every moan, all the words spoken in breathy tones and the feeling of him inside of me surpass all the passion we had between us before. Our connection grew during those two euphoric hours spent tangled into one another’s bodies and I knew, looking at his sleeping body next to me this morning, I would never want to give those feelings up.

We had a short rehearsal this morning and I was feeling confident about this week and my song choice. Around two all the contestants were in hair, make-up and wardrobe getting ready for the movie premiere. The red carpet began at six thirty this evening. That is the time that all of the contestants would arrive and the judges, Harry and his date included, would arrive about a half hour later.

While getting my hair styled I took the time to calm my nerves about seeing Harry with a girl on his arm. I knew that Harry and I were happy in our relationship so it isn’t like I was worried about him cheating. I was worried that my jealousy would come out for a quick visit in front of the cameras and fans and I couldn’t let that happen. I had to smile during the whole thing and if the situation occurred where I would have to meet his date, I would have to smile brightly, shake her and hand and politely kiss each cheek like I was raised to do.

Liam, Zayn, Ryan and I all stood close throughout the entire red carpet. We met a few of the actors and actresses that were in the movie we were about to watch. There were massive amounts of reporters, photographers and fans all screaming our names. It was unreal and the boys and I couldn’t remove the grins from our faces.

I scanned my eyes out over the crowd, waving and smiling to the fans trying to say hello. We were all signing autographs as fast as we could and taking pictures with some of them as security would let us. I went to sign an autograph and I felt someone in the crowd grab my hand. It was an uncomfortable feeling and when I went to look at the person, their hand was gone and I could see no one in that spot. Security ushered me down the line so that I would be able to visit more awaiting fans.

The contestants were towards the end of the red carpet near the entrance of the theater and production thought it would be nice for each category to wait for their mentors to take group shots. Here was the situation that I was dreading. I would in fact have to watch Harry holding onto another person in a flirty way. I readied myself and took a few calming breaths and reassured myself that I would not have the slightest hint of jealousy come from me. I relaxed my body and smiled and waved towards the fans once more.

There he is. There she is. His arm is around her waist and he is whispering into her ear. Cameras are flashing and reporters are yelling at him to find out if he they are dating. They both ignore the questions and keep moving down the line.

“Harry’s got good taste.” Zayn said quietly enough so that only Liam, Ryan and I could hear. I was ok. I would be ok. I would brush it off.

“Eh. Not really my type.” I joked back and that earned a laugh from the boys. 

Harry and his date were only a few feet away from us now. I saw Lou make his way over to us. He was on the carpet to fix Harry’s look if it needed it at any time.

“Hey guys” He greeted us and took a place next to me. We looked at each other and smiled. He knew, of course, and figured this might be a little difficult for me so he wrapped one arm around my back and kept it for comfort and calming. I smiled at him once more and he nodded his head.

“Here are my boys” Harry greeted each of us with a hug. We all said hello. 

“I would you all to meet a friend of mine. Cara this is Liam, Ryan, Zayn and Niall. Guys this is Cara.” She smiled at each of us and began to make her way down the line. Slight handshakes and kisses on each cheek from all of us. When she reached me, Harry was looking at me with such care. It eased all of my worries.

“Pleasure to meet you Cara. You look stunning.” I said and kissed her right and then left cheek.

“Thank you, Niall. You look very dashing.” I thanked her and then we were told to have a group picture with Harry. Louis and Cara stepped aside. We made sure not to stand right next to each other in the picture and it was over in a minute or so. Cara returned to Harry’s side and Lou returned to mine.

Soon after, we were all ushered into the theatre.

Saturday afternoon Harry and I were able to sneak away for about ten minutes and spend some quick but quality time in our secret room. It was then that we were able to tell each other how handsome or sexy or ‘doable’, in Harry’s words, we thought the other looked on Friday night. The stylists finally got me into a suit and tie. I only agreed to it because it was a red carpet event.

Harry told me that Cara did ask if they could go out again but he declined, telling her that he was too busy to date at this point. He told me that she really didn’t put up much of a fuss and that she was actually a really sweet girl. I do agree. She was very kind.

Saturday night was amazing. All of the boys did really well. I was very pleased with my performance of Wonderwall and got the best comments I have received so far. I was ecstatic and Harry told all of us back stage that he is really proud of all of us.

“The paper is here.” Someone yelled from downstairs. On Sunday mornings the paper usually has something about Saturday night’s show in it such as pictures, reviews and other information. We all knew that the Entertainment section this week would have pictures from the premiere and we were all looking forward to reading it.

“Got a romance brewing, Niall” Brad of CBK smirked and tossed the paper in my lap.

“Wh-what?” I stuttered out and the other contestants began to gather around as I looked over the paper. Please don’t be anything having to do with Harry. I looked up to about a dozen eyes on me. They have already seen the paper and are waiting for my reaction or explanation, I can’t really tell which. Liam, Zayn and Ryan are right next to me. Zayn is smirking. Liam flicks him on the ear because of it. They must have seen the paper too.

I looked over the pictures of the actors and actresses and the section stating that Harry and Cara looked very happy together. I contained my annoyance when reading over that and looking at the picture of the seemingly happy new couple. Then I saw it. On the bottom of page four, there we were; Louis and I looking at each other and smiling. His hand wrapped around my back and mine around his waist and there is another with Louis whispering in my ear and finally one of us hugging. The caption read, Niall Horan dating Mentor’s Stylist and Best Friend, Louis Tomlinson. I read the article closely, like I was studying for an exam. 

It basically said that Louis and I have been getting close and some source said that Harry set Louis and me up. The article also said that during the live shows where they show some rehearsals and behind the scene material, Louis and I have been seen in some footage, together or always near each other.

“You can’t deny it, Niall. It’s pretty obvious you and Harry’s stylist have a thing.” Chris said but it came out as sort of a snide remark.

“Probably why Harry gives you so much attention. You’re dating his best friend.” Kurt adds. I look up at them and glare.

“What the hell is the issue that the three of you have with me? I have never done anything to you. I have been supportive and congratulatory towards you each week that you make it through. Is this really still about Celia? Jesus.” I stand up and push away from the table I am currently sitting at. I walk back up the stairs to my room all while hearing Zayn, Liam and Ryan defending me and the members of CBK stating that it must be true because I didn’t deny it.

I lay on my bed. More like plopped down in defeat. Why would I even need to defend myself to those guys? I know the truth. Louis knows the truth and my actual boyfriend knows the truth.

As soon as we all arrived to Wembley to prepare for the live shows and elimination tonight, I saw Harry and Louis off to the side talking. I am in a particularly cheeky mood right now and I know most of the contestants are waiting to see what happens. If Louis and I ignore each other that would look like there really is something going on. So with my confidence at an all time high, I begin to call to Louis.

“Louis, my darling boyfriend. Oh how I’ve missed you” I exclaim. It earned laughs from the boys and a huge smile from Louis and Harry.

“Niall, babe. The love of my life. Come to me sweetheart, I need to hold you.” We hurry towards each other and share a very dramatic and over the top hug and then Louis dipped me back and placed his palm over my mouth and kissed the back of his hand and moved his face like he was snogging me. I grab onto his back and rub my hands up and down faster than anything that would be considered romantic. He pulls me back up and we pull away. Harry is pretty much crying, he is laughing so hard. I turn back to look at the others, specifically CBK and smirk. They all pretty much go about their business directly after. I have officially squashed the rumor within the house but I am sure the public will still believe it. 

A few hours later, we were all on the stage with our mentor’s awaiting our fate. There was one act that was to be eliminated tonight. 

Zayn, Liam, Ryan and I were put through. Harry still had all four of his acts. A girl from the over twenty eights made it. Both of Simon’s remaining girls made it through. One of the groups was voted into next week. That left a guy named Samuel in the over twenty eights and the group CBK left on stage awaiting the news from Dermot.

“And the final act going through to next week is……………

 

It was nice waking up on Monday morning knowing that I would no longer have to face the boys of CBK. Samuel was safe and Chris, Brad and Kurt were sent home. I tried being nice to them. I tried being a friend but they just wouldn’t accept it. So I can’t feel bad that I am smiling this morning while getting ready to do my video diary.

“Songs from movie soundtracks this week boys. In this folder there are a list of songs that are approved and just like all the past weeks, pick one and we will see how it goes.” Harry says to the four of us and we start looking over the lists.

I see Bruno Mars’ name. I didn’t know his song Rain was on a soundtrack. I keep reading. It was in a Twilight movie. I definitely didn’t know that. I have always just loved the song. I guess I wouldn’t know that because I honestly never saw any of the Twilight movies. I hear the vampires sparkle and that’s not really my thing. But I love Bruno Mars. He is an incredible artist and I think that I could really sing this song.

“I’ve got mine.” Harry looks at me waiting for me to tell him.

“Rain. By Bruno Mars. What do you think?”

“Should be good. Savaan is out this week so you’ll be practicing with my vocal coach Helena. All of you will for that matter. Niall, since you have chosen your song, why don’t you go meet up with Helena now. I think that she is in the backstage area.”

“Ok. I’ll see you guys later” I say before leaving. They all wave and I give one last glance to Harry and smile. I saw Harry pull out his phone and begin typing. I walk away hoping that it is a text for me. 

“Niall” Louis beams at me just as I have made it back stage. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I push his face away and laugh. I wipe the remnants of Louis’ sloppy kiss from my face.

“Ew, Louis. You slobbered on me!” I chuckled and he lightly shoved my shoulder.

“Come with me” He softly says and smirks.

“I can’t. I have to meet with Helena to begin work on my song. Harry said she would be back here. Have you seen her?”

“Helena won’t be here for another hour. Harry knows that.” I finally understand what is going on. Harry wants to meet me, somewhere and we will have about forty five minutes together.

“So, boyfriend” I joke quietly. “Where are you taking me?”

“To meet your other boyfriend, of course. And may I just say that I can’t believe that you are two timing! You dirty man, you! I’m obviously the better choice.” He laughs as we are walking towards whatever destination Harry and Lou have some up with.

“Here we are.” He says as we stop in front of a door.

“Where is here?” I question. This isn’t our secret room but it is in a part of Wembley that I have never seen before. The hallway is dark and deserted. There is a fluorescent light above our heads that is flickering, rather annoyingly. It kinda smells too.

“It’s an older part of the stadium. It’s no longer used. This room use to be an old dressing room. Harry and I found it the other day while we were just roaming around. I guess the office that you used to meet in is now being used, so that isn’t an option anymore. Now get in there. Harry will be here in a few minutes and I’ll provide a diversion for the both of you.”

“You really are the best, Louis. Do you know that?” I say and pull him in for a hug.

“Yes, of course I know that” He smirks and opens the door for me. I wave goodbye and walk into the dark room.

Once the door is closed behind me, I feel around on the wall next to me, looking for a light switch. My fingers come in contact with one and I flip it on. I assess the surroundings. It’s a rather large room with two couches and a few chairs with a large coffee table in the center. There is a bathroom with a couple stalls and two showers. There is a large vanity taking up an entire wall. The furniture has drop cloths covering them. I walk over to the couches and remove the covering. I do the same with the chairs. They are all upholstered with black leather and as I plop down on one I notice that they are very comfy. This is actually a really nice room. I wonder why no one uses it anymore. I am brought out of my thoughts by Harry, entering the room and locking the door behind him.

“Hi, baby” I say and stand from the couch and walk over to him. We hold our embrace for a few minutes.

“Hey.” He responds and places a kiss on my awaiting lips. We take a seat and curl up into one another on one of the couches.

“I’m kinda sad about our other room. But this one is a lot more spacious and these couches are a plus. The desk kinda hurt to lie on” I say, looking up at him and wiggling my eyebrows.

“You’re adorable. I love you, babe” He replies with a kiss on my nose.

“I love you too, Harry” And that is how we stayed for the remainder of our time together in that dressing room; curled up together, saying sweet things to one another, spending our precious few minutes alone, just enjoying each other’s company.

Waking up on Wednesday morning was horrible. My throat hurt, I was coughing and sneezing and my head was pounding like a jack hammer. I am sure I looked like death. I struggled to get out of bed but the boys helped as much as they could. I was very thankful for them.

When we made it to rehearsals I was feeling worse and I had chills running up and down my body. I just couldn’t get warm enough. We were waiting for Helena and Harry to show up so we could all sing our song for them. I started to shake a bit but tried to push it off. Ryan held his hand to my forehead.

“You are burning up Ni. You should really get checked out.” He said concerned.

“I am freezing. I just want to lie in bed and pull the covers over my body and cuddle my pillow” I said sounding kinda pathetic and wimpy but I didn’t care. The boys smiled at me and I returned it as best I could. Ryan grabbed my legs and swung them over his. He pulled my body in next to his and I curled up into his chest. He had his arms tightly around me. The warmth of his body felt nice. Zayn removed the jacket he was wearing and put it over Ryan and me. 

I felt Ryan rub my arm up and down. I must have slipped into a small nap. I looked up at him and he was smiling down at me. I looked over and saw Harry looking right at us. I was too tired to even read the expression on his face. I groaned and stretched my arms out and then just returned to my position of snuggling up into Ryan. He was comfortable and I was sick.

“What’s wrong, Ni?” I heard Harry say. I opened my eyes slightly to see Harry kneeling down in front of Ryan’s lap. His eyes level with mine and his hand running across my forehead and down the back of my hair.

“Not feelin’ that well, I suppose.” I responded with a sniffle.

“Would you like to be seen by a doctor? You can skip rehearsals today if you aren’t feeling well.” By this time his hand was resting on my knee; gently rubbing over it, back and forth.

“I think I would like to try at least one run through.” Harry nodded and with the help of Ryan, I stood up. I smiled at him and said thank you.

I was up on the stage using the microphone stand to help me stay up right. The music began and I started singing. With my nose stuffy and throat sore, it certainly was far from my greatest vocals but I made it through. I sat back in the seats and listened to the other boys’ rehearsals.

“Let’s get you to the doctors.” A producer, Susan, said after taking notice of my sickly state. I nodded and began to stand. I felt arms wrap around me to stable me. I knew those arms and hands anywhere and I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Who would like to accompany Niall to the doctors?” Susan asked. All the boys said they would but Harry interjected.

“I’ll take him”

“I don’t think that would be wise, Harry. You should remain here.” She replied with a suspicious look on her face.

“I am done for the day actually and the boys still have some more practicing to do. Helena can help them if they need. I’ll be taking Niall.” He stated firmly and I just stood there, not saying a word. Before Susan could say anything else, Harry began to lead me away and out towards the exit. Cameras following us out to the van we were to take.

I had the flu. It was horrible. I was given an antibiotic shot in the backside and was told to stay in bed all of tomorrow and if I was feeling a little better on Friday, I could resume light activities. We pulled up in front of the house and Harry, still with me, helped me out of the van. It was about six pm when we returned from the clinic and all of the contestants would be home. 

With one arm around my waist Harry and I walked into the house. 

“Where is Niall’s room?” Harry asked Zayn as he made his way over to see how I was doing.

“Up the stairs. Second door on the left. He is the bottom bed on the bunk to the right. Do you need any help?”

“No thank you, Zayn. Go and have dinner with the rest.” Zayn nodded and walked off towards the kitchen.

Harry gently placed me on my bed and pulled the covers over my body and up to my neck. My eyes were trained on him the entire time. I saw him take what appeared to be a frustrated sounding breath and then he rolled his eyes. He turned his head to the camera man behind him.

“Do you think that you could possible leave? Niall is not feeling well at all and I am sure that a camera being in his face is the last thing he needs right now.” I slightly smiled and the camera man exited the room. Harry stood up from the bed and closed the door almost all the way.

“That’s a bit obvious, don’t you think?” I asked softly and he returned to my side.

“I don’t really care right now. I hate seeing you sick, baby. I wish I could take it away.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m sure the antibiotic will begin to take effect tomorrow and I’ll be feeling better.” He ran his fingers over my left cheek. I brought my hand out from under the blankets and took his hand in mine.

“I love you. Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

“No problem, Ni. I wish I could lie in the bed and cuddle you right now but I should be getting back.”

“I know. I’ll be here all by myself tomorrow, so maybe you can give me a call or text me. That always makes me smile.” I say with a cheesy grin on my face.

“Will do, handsome.” He smirked and began to lean in. I pulled away. 

“I don’t want you getting sick, babe.”

“I don’t care. I love you and want to kiss my boyfriend.” I smiled as he leaned back in.

“I love you too.” Our lips joined together.

We heard a sharp intake of breath behind us. We pulled away and turned our attention to the sound.

Zayn stood holding a bowl, of what I could imagine was soup. Liam had his hand over his mouth. They were both staring at us, wide eyed and shocked. It was silent in the room for what seemed like forever. Us staring at them and them staring right back.

“We…ah..we just wanted to bring you….um…some soup, Ni.” Zayn said, tripping over his words. They stepped into the room and Liam closed the door all the way.

“You’re boyfriends…..you kissed….um….love …..what....Jesus…..I don’t’ even know what to say…” 

I sat up in bed with Harry’s help. Zayn and Liam sat on the bottom bunk across from us. It appeared they were waiting for one of us to talk.

“Please don’t tell anyone. Please. I am begging you guys.” I pleaded softly.

“When did this happen?” Liam asks. We are all speaking in hushed tones to ensure that no one will hear. Harry and I looked at one another and he nodded; silently giving me permission to tell them.

“We became friends right after my audition back in May. We just sort of clicked. He helped me a lot with the whole Jamie situation and came to Mullingar after the whole incident where Jamie beat me up pretty badly. It was then that we decided to make our relationship official. But for obvious reasons, it had to remain a secret just like our friendship had been.”

“You know what people are going to say if they find out. They are going to say that the only reason you are on the show is because you and Harry are dating.” Liam said after my confession.

“We weren’t dating at judges’ houses. We were only friends and we both knew that he would only be put through to live shows if he did what it took to get there. I wasn’t going to put him through over someone who deserved it more and did better than him. He wouldn’t feel good about that and neither would I. You have all seen the tapes from judges’ houses. Can you honestly say that he shouldn’t have been put through?” Harry finally spoke.

“You are right.” Zayn replied.

“So you have been dating since you got here basically.”

“Yes. We began dating on the 30th of September, so about a week before I got to London. You guys have to promise that you won’t say anything.” Harry and I look at them with hopeful eyes.

“Of course we won’t. You have our word.” We smiled and thanked them.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Lou knows. He has been helping us sneak away to see each other without all of the cameras.” They smiled with realization.

“So that is why it looks like you and Lou are dating. He is like the messenger but always gets caught on camera next to you.” Liam says with a chuckle. I smirk and nod.

“Well, we’ll leave you two to say goodbye. We’ll hold off people and cameras from coming up here.” Zayn states and him and Liam stand and walk towards the door.

“Thank you guys, really” Harry says. “And you both did really great today, by the way.”

“Thanks” They said in unison and left the room, closing the door behind them.

I was ecstatic that I was able to sleep in on Thursday. I did however want to be able to rehearse but it was best that I stayed in bed and on vocal rest. I wanted to be able to perform my best on Saturday night. 

I also wasn’t alone as I expected to be. Paul stayed at the house. I wouldn’t really be able to talk to Harry but we could still text. Rich said that even though there has been nothing going on safety wise with me and Jamie, he would feel better if I had Paul with me. I guess I would have been kind of nervous being in here by myself. It was such a big house and we were out a little ways from civilization. Paul did keep his distance and gave me the rest I needed.

I was sitting up in my bed reading a magazine when I heard knocking on the front door. I heard Paul answer and speak to whoever it was. A few minutes later there was a light knocking on my bedroom door and Paul stuck in his head.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Ok I guess.” I said very softly, not wanting to use my voice that much.

“Fan mail came. And these were just delivered for you.” He held out what looked like at least two dozen red and white roses. I smiled as he placed them on my bed along with the stack of fan letters.

“Thanks, Paul” he nodded and exited the room.

I looked at the letters, probably about thirty of them and was happy that I would have something to read for the afternoon. I picked up the flowers and saw an envelope attached. I was excited to open it and see what Harry wrote. I smelled the flowers and then set them next to me. He was so thoughtful. I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter and began to read. It was not from Harry.

Niall,

I got to touch you the other night. Did you feel the sparks? I did. I wanted to hold you. You were so close but surrounded by massive amounts of fans and security. What’s with all the security anyway? Are they keeping me away from you? 

The papers claim that you are dating that stylist but I can’t believe that is true. You wouldn’t cheat on me. But maybe you would. Why would you want to break my heart again, baby?

Another song on Saturday just for me. “I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now. Cause maybe, you’re gonna be the one to save me. And after all, you’re my wonderwall.”

I knew all along that you felt that way about me. 

I hope you like the flowers, my love. I am still patiently waiting for the day that I will get to hold your amazing body next to mine and taste your perfect lips. It will be sooner rather than later. Of this I am certain. You know you belong with me, Niall. I belong with you.

I’m happily waiting to see what song you sing for me on Saturday night. I’ll be watching you, babe.

All My Love. Forever,

Your biggest fan. 

Chills run up my spine. Fear slightly makes its way to my stomach; turning it. I should have recognized the envelope. It is the same color and size of the others. This person touched me. Was it the weird hand that grabbed me at the premiere? It must have been. I know I am not technically supposed to be getting out of bed, but I think it is time to show Paul.

I collected the other two letters and picked up the flowers and walked down the stairs to see Paul leaning on the kitchen counter, looking over some kind of paperwork.

“Niall you shouldn’t be out of bed.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I just really need to talk to you.” I set the flowers down on the granite counter and slide the first two letters over to him. Noticing the look in my eyes, he immediately reads the first, then second letter.

“Why didn’t you bring these to me before?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think they were a big deal. I mean I have a few letters kinda like that from fans. But this new letter came today with the flowers.” I said and gave him the new letter. He read it.

“Again?” He asks and looks like he is thinking. 

“Huh?” I reply.

“It says ‘break my heart again’” I look over his shoulder and read the letter once more.

I inhale sharply. “Jamie”


End file.
